


The Only Exception

by demonofabove



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Anxiety, Dark, Depression, Despair, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Graphic Description, Hope vs. Despair, M/M, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Self-Harm, Separation Anxiety, Suffering, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2020-04-11 14:42:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 34
Words: 55,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19111792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonofabove/pseuds/demonofabove
Summary: "I’m drowning in Hell. I’ve been here for a while now; so long, that all round me is darkness. There is no escape; no hope, or relief. The thick pressure that surrounds me is too strong to pull myself from, and there is no use continuing to try - I have to give up or I am going to be a danger to everyone. But being here in this Hell where my soul gets ripped apart on a daily basis, tormenting me with guilt and reminders of every loss I want to forget; I can’t face it any longer. There is no light left to guide me out, and now that I am completely isolated, I can only rely on one final option. Death will be my saviour."And then a candle flickered in the darkness, lighting a silhouette; and Kakashi saw a beacon of hope - in the form of Umino Iruka.But now that he is finding his way out of the darkness, Kakashi's sharingan has come out to play.





	1. Chapter 1

Kakashi didn’t know why he did it. Actually, that was a lie. He did it because he needed to and he didn’t care what happened to him. But sending him to rehab wouldn’t do the village any good, as Kakashi was an ex-ANBU officer and one of the best jounins around; the village _needed_ him. Tsunade knew better than to force him to get counselling, too - she knew it would make things worse for the both of them, and the man wouldn’t care about the consequences; but letting him off was also not an option. That’s how he found himself stuck in his very own home, guarded by several ANBU officers surrounding the outside, with even one monitoring him at all times on the inside. Kakashi was being monitored under the pretence of house arrest for an entire month at least; and he was bored… Very bored.

Barely four days in, he began poking at the latest ANBU’s patience in front of the doorway. He knew he would never get a reaction, at least from what he could see; and he doubted the officer would speak. But nevertheless, he tried again, as a way to amuse himself. And to stop himself from thinking about… _that._ If he was ever going to get out of his house at the end of the month, he couldn’t be seen thinking about _that_.

“Let’s play a game.” Kakashi suggested to the silence as he relaxed lazily on the lounge. “If I can guess who you are, you have to take your mask off.”

He knew that would never happen, but still, a list of names and profiles appeared in his head as he studied the body in front of him.

“Your form is… solid for sure, but it doesn’t look as built up as other members. Also,” Kakashi got up and took a few steps towards the ANBU member, “you look pretty short, and have a smaller frame. You must be a woman.”

Kakashi smiled to himself as he studied the person in front of him, slowly pacing forward. Yes, it was definitely a woman.

“There are a few women as ANBU members, but from my recollection, only one has short hair.” Kakashi was nearly within arm’s reach. “Am I right…. Mika?”

As he reached towards the mask confidently, a firm hand shot up and gripped his wrist tightly, thin nails digging into his skin. He smiled, figuring he was right, but his expression faltered when the officer’s grip tightened. His game was over and he was definitely going to get a bruise later, and maybe even draw blood from where the nails sliced into him.

“There won’t be a warning next time.” The indeed feminine voice informed assertively before releasing her iron grip.

“Alright, alright!” Kakashi sighed, leaving the ANBU officer alone.

Before he could cause more trouble, a quiet knock at the door startled him. Kakashi became curious. Who would even want to see him, and how did this person even know where he lived? He was sure he hadn’t invited anyone over before, and he had definitely requested no visitors. He unlocked and slowly opened the door, not sure who to expect.

“Ah, Kakashi-sensei!” a cheerful voice greeted. “May I come in?”

“Uh, sure. I’ll go make some tea.” He said in surprise, stepping aside to let his guest in.

Out of all the people he expected would try to visit, he never expected that particular shinobi to know his situation or even spare a thought for him. Kakashi was just the famous copy ninja in possession of an Uchiha Clan sharingan eye; owner of over a thousand jutsus; one of the most powerful shinobi in Konoha. He was never someone that people spared a second thought for; they figured he couldn’t have any problems, or if he did, he could handle them. And they’d be right. Except that they weren’t, this time. And that’s why he was trapped in his very own home. So why did he have such an interesting visitor?

“Ah, thank you.” His guest smiled, taking a sip at the hot beverage.

Kakashi had many questions on his mind, but didn’t know what to ask. Out of all the people he knew, why was this shinobi the first and only one to even attempt to visit? Everyone else _surely_ would have known what had happened by now. From all the people he worked with, it was the one that knew him least; the one that only saw him when he returned to Konoha to hand in mission scrolls, was the only one who seemed to be by his side. And as much as he didn’t want to admit it; as much as he wanted to pretend he didn’t care; that really hurt.

“So, Iruka-sensei, what brings you here?”

“I just wanted to check on you. I didn’t think you’d get many visitors after…” he trailed off, unsure how to continue.

 “Mah, well, the only visitors I’ve had is the various ANBU changing shifts. No more visitors than I usually get.” He replied sheepishly, deciding not to mention he didn’t want to see anyone.

“Huh? Nobody visits you?” Iruka looked alarmed. “Don’t you ever get lonely?”

 “It’s no big deal, really. I don’t exactly tell people where I live.” he smiled vacantly before studying the chuunin with a new expression.

“Speaking of… How did you know where I lived, anyway?” Iruka looked surprised.

“I guess you must have forgotten after all these years.”

He got up from his seat, rolling up his uniform’s right sleeve; revealing a thin, long scar along his forearm. The chuunin gently held it out for Kakashi to inspect; and not being prepared for the man to grasp his arm so gently, fought every urge to gasp at the sudden contact. It wasn’t that he didn’t like it - in fact, he liked how the man’s hand felt; it was just that Kakashi only touched people when he had to, and it was never really as gentle as this. And he didn’t have his gloves on, this time.

“That’s right… I remember that day.” Kakashi continued to hold onto the man’s arm and began tracing the scar with his thumb absentmindedly as he recalled the memory, gripping more solidly as though the action held answers. “You fell from a tree after trying to mimic a shinobi, and a branch nearly impaled your arm. I found you crying on my way home from a mission, and you were trying to stop your wound from bleeding but wasn’t quite sure what to do since you had barely entered the academy. I rushed you here to fix it…”

“Because I insisted that you help me, since I didn’t want to go to the hospital.” Iruka continued with a chuckle. “I was scared that my mum would find out I got hurt and then I’d be in trouble. Your ninja hound, Pakkun acted as a very good support dog.”

“That’s right… You were freaking out over getting stitches, and he distracted you.” Kakashi brought the arm closer to his face. “I didn’t do too badly, considering I hadn’t had much practise at the time.”

Kakashi studied Iruka’s face with a sense of wonder, and the longer he stared in silence, the more nervous the chuunin became. When a small blush finally crept onto his face, the jounin seemed satisfied with his train of thought.

“Actually, it just looks like an ordinary battle scar now; as though a kunai or shuriken caused it.” He suddenly stood up and reached for Iruka’s face, tracing the gentle scar across his nose. “Kind of like this one.”

That was enough to send the chuunin blushing again, and he prayed that Kakashi wouldn’t notice.

“What’s wrong, Iruka?” Damn. He definitely noticed.

“Uh, n-nothing! I just… wasn’t expecting…” the chuunin stammered, quickly glancing towards their hands. 

Kakashi looked down and noted that they were nearly holding hands; and when he glanced up at the other man, he saw his other hand gently resting on the man’s face. As a sudden realisation of what it looked like, and then the image of caressing Iruka overtook his brain, a bright coloured tint spread across Kakashi’s pale face, and could even be seen under his mask. He was mortified with embarrassment, and quickly let go, returning to his seat.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t realise I was doing that…” the jounin looked away shyly.

“T-That’s okay.” Iruka responded.

_Since when has Kakashi been this... shy and intimate?_ As far as he knew, Kakashi’s reputation was a confident ‘love’ them and leave them - he didn’t have a romantic bone in his body, and would never really have to put in any effort to flirt if he wanted someone. There were many people out there idolising him so much, that if he ordered them to stab a kunai into their own leg for him, they would do it in a heartbeat, no questions asked. So why was this interaction different? Was it some kind of joke? Did Kakashi have an ulterior motive?

“So, Naruto should be returning with Jiraiya soon.” Iruka said in an attempt to distract the two men from the awkwardly tense atmosphere.

“Oh… Two years of training with that Sannin; he’s bound to be a lot stronger than when he left.”

Iruka frowned - Kakashi didn’t sound enthused at all about reuniting with a valued member of Team 7. Studying the jounin as he took a sip of his tea, the academy teacher could see that the man was in an entire world of his own; and the man’s one visible eye seemed to be lost to the world. Kakashi clearly had something else on his mind. Feeling like he shouldn’t pry, the chuunin continued to chat, giving the jounin the privacy of his thoughts.

“He never ceases to amaze me, that boy. He’s come a long way from the original prankster he used to be.”

“Naruto’s… Something else, alright.” Kakashi reflected with melancholy. “He really takes after his father.”

After an hour of chatting about bits and pieces – well, mainly Iruka starting conversations and Kakashi half-heartedly responding, the chuunin rinsed his mug and careful placed it on the sink. He walked over to the jounin who had barely registered the man’s movement, and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. That broke the man’s concentration and he looked up at the smiling chuunin.

“Thank you for the tea, Kakashi. I have to get going now because I have a shift at the mission desk, but I will be back tomorrow if you’d like.”

Kakashi’s eyes widened in surprise. He was sure that Iruka wouldn’t want to see him again; he knew that he was bad company. Why did the chuunin want to sit with someone who couldn’t even hold a conversation properly? As confused as he was though, he had to admit that he did appreciate the fact that the man wanted to see him; because although he found it hard to speak, he liked being able to listen to another person instead of the deathly silence of his prison. Kakashi also admired the wording of the suggestion; giving him the option of company rather than forcing it upon him, considering the fact that he may need space.

“Oh, uh, sure.”

“Will you be home?” the teacher playfully smirked.

No one in their right mind would dare crack a joke like that in front of the famous and dangerous copy ninja - they feared him too much. And to ask that when he literally couldn’t leave his property… That’s when Kakashi realised that for the first time in a while, as he stared into the chuunin’s deep brown eyes, that someone was looking past all the titles and treated him just as… well, him. A small spark ignited at the thought of being teased in such a daring way, and a smirk appeared at his masked lips. It was the first time he had smiled in a while. _Maybe it won’t be so bad after all._

“Mah, I don’t know, Iruka. You’ll have to see for yourself.”

Seeing Kakashi go along with his joke made Iruka feel relieved. He knew that the man had been distracted and hadn’t been into the conversation at all; but he felt accomplished knowing that he got the jounin to smirk and even reply to such an outrageous joke. He also noted that Kakashi had dropped the suffix to his name.

“I guess I will!” the teacher chuckled as he lifted his hand to leave.

He barely made two paces when a desperate hand clung to his lingering wrist. Iruka froze, noticing how Kakashi’s large, slender hand was sending warm tingles through his skin. A moment passed where the two men stayed like that; Iruka was immobile at the jounin’s touch and couldn’t even turn to face him, and Kakashi was gathering the courage to say what he spontaneously thought when he subconsciously grabbed for the man’s arm. He was glad Iruka hadn’t turned around, because he could only imagine his face looked as hot as it felt.

“Thank you.” He muttered shyly.

Iruka’s heart fluttered. He understood the real meaning of the words. Kakashi was grateful that someone had taken time to visit him, and had been patient enough to deal with his distracted mind. He was also grateful that the chuunin would return; his company was something that the jounin could look forward to afters hours of agonising boredom and solitude.

Kakashi loosened his grip on Iruka’s wrist; a silent message to say he was done speaking and that the man could leave. As the chuunin gently dropped his arm, the jounin’s hand slipped to his, where Iruka left a silent message of his own.

The quick squeeze of the teacher’s skin across his own told Kakashi everything he wanted to hear. It was a reassurance of safety and that he could trust the teacher to return. It was his way of telling his friend to hold on. Iruka gave Kakashi the support he had always needed but had never received.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd write something more lighthearted before getting into the serious stuff. Enjoy!

Kakashi waited anxiously for Iruka’s arrival. He said he would visit the next day, but the copy ninja still wasn’t sure if the man would stick to his word. It was mid-afternoon when the jounin truly became restless and questioned the previous visit. He knew he shouldn’t rely on someone’s word - if they weren’t always late like himself, then they obviously weren’t going to turn up at all; and that academy teacher was never late for a thing. He was definitely not going to appear.

As time ticked by, all Kakashi could wonder was when class finished for the day, and how long it would take for Iruka to get from the academy to his place. _Surely it wouldn’t take him too long… But what if he got stopped along the way and got caught up in conversation? He seems like the type of person to politely chat even when he’s in a hurry. Or would he tell them he had somewhere to be and would make it up to them later?_ Kakashi sighed at the tormenting questions occupying his thoughts.

To his ultimate surprise, Iruka began rapping at his door just before the sun set. He raced towards his very own door in the same way that a dog would greet their owner after a long day, receiving a warm smile from the teacher, somewhat surprised at Kakashi’s eagerness to greet him.

“Sorry I took so long!” Iruka began. “I would have been here earlier but I had to clean up after weapons training this afternoon.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Kakashi waved him in. “It’s not like I was waiting for you or anything. Well, I was, because there’s nothing better to do around here and I started thinking about y-” He suddenly broke off, cheeks growing hot and eyes widening in horror as he comprehended what he was saying.

“Wait! That didn’t come out right! I just meant… Well, you know…” he trailed off, not trusting himself to say another word. He didn’t even know what he meant, himself – he couldn’t think properly with his heart pounding fast, pumping immobilising panic through his body.

Iruka tried to stifle a smirk. He had never seen Kakashi so flustered before; and found himself focusing on the small blush that was creeping to his friend’s cheeks, along with the wild, panicked look in his visible eye. It was out of character for the man, which might be why the chuunin found amusement in watching the usually level-headed jounin crumble into an embarrassed mess. Suppressing the urge to ruffle his hair as though Kakashi was one of his students, the academy teacher spoke up.

“On my way over, I stopped by Ichiraku.”

Iruka held up a thin white plastic bag that Kakashi hadn’t noticed. And now that he saw it, he could smell the flavours seeping into the air, and was glad he wore a mask because he was sure he was nearly drooling. It smelled delicious, and when his stomach spoke up, he realised just how ravenous he was. Somehow, he had forgotten to eat in between his morning coffee and waiting for his guest to arrive. Weren’t the ANBU officers supposed to making sure he looked after himself and remind him to do things like that?

“I didn’t know what flavour you’d prefer, so I just grabbed pork. I hope that’s okay?” the chuunin questioned uncertainly.

“Pork is fine. Have a seat at the table.” Kakashi turned and began walking, grateful that Iruka hadn’t teased him about what he had initially said. “Did you remember chopsticks, or would you like to use mine?”

Kakashi couldn’t help but chuckle when Iruka was the one panicking – it seemed he had completely forgotten to grab them on his way over. The academy teacher was a well organised person with a strong memory, so Kakashi couldn’t help but wonder just what had distracted Iruka so much. Surely it wasn’t because he was eager to visit him… No, it had to be something else; although Iruka didn’t look like he was distracted by anything.

“Mine it is, then.” Kakashi stated as he grabbed two sets of chopsticks from his cutlery drawer.

“Blue, or red?” he asked, walking back to the table, suddenly in a particularly good mood.

“Any is fine.” Iruka smiled politely.

Kakashi studied the tan shinobi for a moment, and Iruka wondered what he was thinking. Under the mask, Iruka noticed a smirk creeping its way across his face, and the man’s visible eye danced with excitement. Then just like that, his face was plastered with his usual content expression. He was definitely up to something, though Iruka didn’t know what.

“Here.”

Iruka looked at the chopsticks he was handed, then back at Kakashi who had a small smile outlined under his mask. The academy teacher hesitated before taking the pair of chopsticks, but as soon as he did, Kakashi moved to his own seat seemingly pleased with himself. All Iruka could do was stare at him – he was somewhat bewildered. The jounin noticed the eyes concentrated on him, and looked at his guest.

“What? I thought you said the colour didn’t matter.”

“I-It doesn’t. I just wasn’t expecting you to hand me one of each colour.” Iruka lightly scratched at the thin scar along his nose – it was small pink line that kissed his cheeks, accenting his darker skin tone. “It threw me off a little.”

Kakashi chuckled. He had planned on giving Iruka the blue set, but wanted to see what he would do if he received a mismatched set instead. He was pleasantly surprised at the academy teacher’s reaction and was relieved that his little stunt hadn’t annoyed him. Kakashi hadn’t realised how much he needed company until Iruka arrived, and he didn’t want to do anything that would make him leave

“They are the same colour as my eyes, you know.”

Kakashi took the protector away from his sharingan eye and held the corresponding chopsticks on either side of his face. When Iruka glanced up, he hadn’t been expecting to see the two colours staring intently at him, and felt a warmth fill his cheeks. As he compared the colours of the steel blue and scarlet red, the chuunin noticed that they weren’t just reds and blues like his eyes; they were the exact shades of the colour. Iruka couldn’t help but wonder if those were custom made.

After he noted that to himself, the teacher looked at Kakashi’s face as a whole, intending to take a better look at his scar and see if there were any more hidden under his protector; but that idea went away as soon as he focussed on the profile. Iruka snickered, and once he started, he couldn’t stop; and soon he was cracking up laughing.

“I’m so s-s-sorry, K-Kakas-shi!” he spoke in between giggles as he looked at the amused jounin studying him. “It’s just that y-y-you…”

Iruka lost it again when he tried to explain why he was laughing. He couldn’t breathe, and his stomach was beginning to ache from the ongoing convulsions that shook his core, and silent tears flowed down his face. He was going to die laughing if he couldn’t contain himself soon, but each gasp for air only granted him energy for a new wave of giggles, and he became weak, collapsing to the floor as he tried to control himself.

“Mah, Iruka, I didn’t know I was so funny.” The jounin teased, slipping into his usual personality.

Kakashi was very amused by Iruka’s lack of control. He knew what he had done would make the other man laugh, but he didn’t think what he had done was _that_ funny. Maybe it wasn’t, and Iruka’s laughter was more to do because he couldn’t stop, or maybe he found it funnier because Kakashi didn’t seem like he would do something that immature. Another smirk crossed the jounin’s face that night as he got up and crouched by the chuunin, making sure his face was level with the other man’s.

“D-D-Don’t!” Iruka cackled in a higher-pitched squeak when he looked up to find Kakashi staring right at him, inches away from his face. “Y-Y-You’re making it hard f-for me to s-stop!”

“And why would that be?” He asked innocently.

The teacher’s laughter was infectious, but if Kakashi was going to be able to continue teasing him, he couldn’t allow his own amusement to consume him just yet. Instead, all he could do was smile and think about how something so small could get such a huge reaction from the man who had curled into a shaking ball in front of him.

“Y-Y-Your _f-face_!” Iruka managed to get out in between gasps for air.

“Now, now, that’s not very nice, Iruka.” Kakashi was barely containing his own laughter at this point. Teasing the other shinobi made for a very good temporary distraction from his problems.

“B-But you…” Iruka pointed at his cheeks in an effort to explain what he was trying to say as tears continued to roll from his eyes. “T-T- _Those_!”

The moment Iruka’s shaking hand landed on the jounin’s shoulder, Kakashi couldn’t fight it any longer. He started laughing with the chuunin who had subconsciously clung onto the man for support; but with both of them now giggling on the floor, it didn’t seem like either shinobi would stop any time soon. Especially after they accidentally bashed their foreheads together whilst trying not to fall on top of one another - that sent off another wave of deep, silent convulsions.

When they finally recovered from their fits, Kakashi removed the two chopsticks that he had wedged in between his mask, still slightly chuckling. The sharingan user knew he would look ridiculous if he had done that, and in a spontaneous moment of immaturity, couldn’t help but do it just to see Iruka’s reaction. It had been worthwhile, and he was glad his sharingan had been visible so he could copy the moment and take in the details better. As much as he liked teasing the brunette to see blush caress his face, Iruka’s laughter was something else - it had warmed his soul, even for just that short amount of time. He definitely liked having Iruka around.

“You’re just as bad as my students!” Iruka grinned as he grabbed his mismatched chopsticks and began eating the abandoned ramen.

“I can’t be worse than Naruto.” Kakashi responded teasingly.

“No, but you’re pretty close!” He bantered.

“Hey, that was uncalled for!” the jounin jokingly pouted. Or at least, that’s what Iruka suspected it was - he couldn’t quite tell what expressions were hidden under the mask. His eyes widened as a thought suddenly occurred to him.

“Um, did you want me to look away so you can eat?”

That bothered Kakashi. Everyone he knew treated his privacy as a joke and always tried to catch a glimpse of his face. ‘Oh, come on, we’re not going to laugh at you if you show us!’, they all said. But it wasn’t that the jounin was self-conscious about it or anything - hell, he’d disguised himself as another man and shown his face before, not that they’d ever know (except maybe Gai who always seemed to catch him and was really suspicious of the disguise); it was the fact that everyone would act like greedy vultures trying to get a glimpse, or tried to deceive him in their attempts.

If someone had just _asked_ if they could see his face, he might have even been willing to show. Even his own Team Seven tried to deceive him - but their case was an exemption since they actually worked as a decent team for once. In all his years of wearing the mask, not once had someone offered to give him privacy when they ate together, and actually mean it. The only person considerate enough was the man in front of him.

“Thank you.” Kakashi nodded his head.

The rest of the evening was uneventful. After dinner, they discussed the Chuunin exam that had passed, and about how Iruka’s ex-students were becoming excellent shinobi. Everyone was training hard because they were striving to match Naruto’s ever-growing power. There was a lot to say about the Genin graduates; and two cups of tea later, Iruka checked the time and realised he had to go.

“I can come back tomorrow, but I have a shift at the mission desk after teaching at the academy, so I probably won’t make it until after seven. Is that okay?” He turned to face the jounin when he reached the door.

“Yes, you’re welcome back here.” Kakashi smiled. “But don’t eat after your shift - I’m going to cook us dinner.” Iruka’s chocolate eyes widened in surprise.

“Are you sure?” The teacher really didn’t know how to respond to that.

“It’s my way of thanking you for tonight’s meal.”

“Oh, well, thank you. I can’t wait to try some of your cooking.” Iruka smiled shyly.

Both men hid their faces as a rosy tinge painted their cheeks. After a few seconds of silence, Iruka quietly wished Kakashi a good night and slipped out of the door before he could reply. The pale jounin stared at the door a while longer, taking in how cold and quiet his house suddenly felt. Without Iruka there, he felt lost, and an emotion wavering between boredom and emptiness – perhaps it was even a mix of both.

“Well, _now_ what?” he sighed to no one in particular as he collapsed onto his faux leather lounge.

Kakashi was taken by surprise when he heard a man quietly chuckling by the doorway - the ANBU officers weren’t supposed to be interacting with him, and most certainly weren’t supposed to be displaying their emotions.

“What’s so funny?” he questioned. He knew not to expect an answer, and was very surprised when he heard one.

“You like him, don’t you, Senpai?”

As Kakashi’s heart fluttered away, he picked up the book he had started reading the day before, deciding to ignore the ANBU’s comment. Tenzou had the wrong impression again; he did _not_ like Iruka in the way the man had implied. No, Iruka was just really good company, patient, fun to tease, understanding, cute – wait, no, Iruka was not cute. Okay, yes he was. A man can think another is cute without being attracted to them, right? Kakashi sighed again. With all the torment racing through his mind, he knew he’d be in for another long night.

\-----------------------------------------

“How is project Hatake coming along?” Tsunade asked the ANBU officer kneeling in front of her.

The armour-clad man stood abruptly; moving into a halting position, facing directly towards the Hokage’s eyes. He was doing his best to hide his nerves, knowing he couldn’t show a slither of emotion, as he wondered what the Godaime would say to his news.

“Well, I don’t know if he’s getting any better, but Umino Iruka has visited him two days in a row now, and promised a third tomorrow; and while he’s around, Kakashi’s mood has been significantly more pleasant – much more than without his company.”

“Oh, really…?” the fifth Hokage mused as a smirk travelled across her lips suspiciously.

“Please keep me informed of any more progress between Kakashi and Iruka. It could be detrimental to the jounin’s recovery.”

Although Tsunade’s order was professional, Tenzou couldn’t help but think there was a personal undertone between it all, and he was mildly concerned about her intentions. But no matter how much the pig-tailed blonde tried to play match maker, he was certain that Kakashi would never fall for anyone - he had experienced that the hard way. There was no point in arguing with the Hokage, especially as an ANBU; so all Tenzou could do was accept his orders and be on his way.


	3. Chapter 3

“Wow, Kakashi, this is fantastic!”

Iruka had to hold back a moan as a million flavours seductively invaded his mouth from the food that Kakashi had cooked. Kakashi had claimed that it wasn’t much because he didn’t have the ingredients for anything spectacular, but the academy teacher didn’t care – it looked like Kakashi had really put in a lot of effort into making it perfect, and that made the meal taste even more delicious. He was sure that even the Akimichi family would rank it highly.

“I’m glad that you like it,” Kakashi responded humbly, embarrassed by the praise.

“No, really - I swear this is better than anything I’ve been served during a feudal mission!” the usually polite man enthused as he scoffed his collection of rice, vegetables, fresh fish, and soup as fast as Naruto ate ramen.

Kakashi couldn’t reply, as his heart pounded wildly and a red flush brought attention to his face. Instead, all he did was poke at his meal quietly and offer a muffled response in an attempt to be as nonchalant as usual. If Iruka wouldn’t look up, his disguise would be complete; and fortunately since the tanned brunette was too busy annihilating his meal, there was no chance he would see the hesitation and embarrassment plastered on his face. Well, the visible parts, at least.

The jounin hadn’t taken a single bite of his meal – although he was hungry, eating was the last thing he wanted to do. Just the idea made him nauseous, and in his experience, he would feel full after a few bites anyway, so it wasn’t even worth trying. Instead, he decided he’d put his share away for later, when he could stomach it. In the meantime, he had become fixated on Iruka, whose eyes glittered eagerly at the remainder of his meal. Iruka had always come across as clean, pristine, and professional; but the way he attacked his food was anything but. It made Kakashi wonder just who taught Naruto to scoff his ramen like a ravenous beast - and he didn’t think it was the kyuubi that inhabited his body.

Oops. Kakashi forgot he was avoiding that topic. He tried to block it out again, but the can had been shaken before being opened, and a lingering trail of thoughts oozed from its container, poisoning his soul. The high he had been on when Iruka showered him in compliments dropped to a low, and as memories of the demon fox destroying Konoha and the last of Kakashi’s original team came to life, his mood completely changed. Well, more like it disappeared. Right after he felt the pits of his stomach become heavy and drag his body towards the underworld, Kakashi had no mood. He was numb, and he couldn’t pinpoint exactly why; but he knew that he couldn’t think about the possible reasons he was numb, because if he did, _it_ would start up again; and he did not want to feel _that,_ the torture.

His already wounded heart would take more damage; it would be more crushed, bashed, torn, stabbed, burnt, and squeezed all at once, all from the reminders of things his trying to forget. The worst part was that there was no cure to heartache - the only way for it to ease was to simply wait. And he didn’t know how long that would be, because he was _still_ waiting. Always waiting, searching for a way out of the darkness around him that was constantly thickening. Until there was light to guide the way out, Kakashi couldn’t wander in the darkness, for he would end up deeper in Hell; so allowing himself to think was not an option. No, he would let himself stay numb - that was better than heartache, even if it did take longer for his usual emotions to return.

“Kakashi!” Iruka’s voice snapped the jounin into focus.

“Mhn?” Concern was etched into the chuunin’s deep brown eyes.

“Are you okay? You spaced out for a while there.”

“Yeah.” If he was numb, he could be okay. Iruka frowned.

“Are you sure? I called your name eight times before you finally heard me. What was on your mind?”

“Nothing.”

Kakashi didn’t want to think about what distracted him. He was numb and he wanted to stay that way; and thinking about the cause would definitely replace the emptiness with pain.

“C’mon, Kakashi. Talk to me…” Iruka spoke softly, his voice gentle and soothing. “You haven’t even touched your meal. What’s going on?”

“Don’t push me!” Kakashi snapped as he rose from his seat – it was all becoming too much for him

"K-Kakashi?"

“I’m tired.” He sighed, heading to his bedroom, leaving his guest behind.

Iruka didn’t know what to do or how to react, but when he looked down at his visibly shaking hands, he understood that he was in some stage of shock – he had not been expecting anything that Kakashi had done. One minute he seemed perfectly fine, then the next he seemed completely blank as though his mind wandered to another dimension, into a dystopian world filled with pain. Something must have happened during Kakashi’s moment of silence, though Iruka didn’t think it was a mind jutsu that controlled him. No, Kakashi had to have been hiding that part of himself from everyone, masking his vulnerabilities and pain; though Iruka didn’t know why he was the only one who had ever seen it. Had he said or done something to upset the jounin? He hadn't meant to do anything...

“I'm sorry, Kakashi.” Iruka whispered to himself, watching the room at the end of the hallway that Kakashi had wandered into. “What can I do to help?”

Iruka wasn’t sure if he should leave Kakashi’s apartment. Kakashi had said he was tired and then walked off, but he didn’t explicitly tell him to leave; and although Iruka had been tempted to let him be, he couldn’t help but think that the unanswered question on whether Kakashi wanted him to leave or not meant that he wanted the company but wouldn’t admit it. Perhaps the man thought that Iruka wouldn’t want to stay after his last lot of actions, and didn’t want to keep him there; or maybe he was conflicted and didn’t know whether he wanted Iruka there anymore, so he just didn’t say.

Kakashi collapsed on his bed and sighed. He didn’t mean to be rude to Iruka, but the chuunin was really pushing him into a place he didn’t want to be, and that was the only thing he thought to do to get him to stop. Well, it wasn’t so much a thought, it was just his natural reaction. Rolling over, Kakashi buried his head into the pillow and sighed. _Maybe I_ will _actually fall asleep…_ He had only used tiredness as an excuse to avoid any more conversation about _that_ topic, but the longer he lay there, the more exhausted he felt.

For a few minutes, the house was silent, and Kakashi began wondering if Iruka had already left but he just hadn’t noticed. _Hmph. Some shinobi_ I _am if I can’t even detect someone leaving…_ As suddenly as the thought came, running water sounded down the hallway, along with the tinkle of cutlery and plates being stacked on the bench. A citric scent wafted into the bedroom, and Kakashi realised his guest was doing the washing up. He wanted to get up and tell Iruka to stop, and that he would do it himself later, but his body felt too heavy; as though he was bound to the bed by chakra strings and all his energy was being drained from him. He knew that wasn’t the case, but he couldn’t find it in himself to budge, so all he could do was listen, and wonder why Iruka hadn’t left yet.

Iruka figured the least he could do was clean up after such a delicious meal, despite the events of the night. Doing the washing up would also help him meditate, ease the shock and adrenaline in his system, and allow him some time to decide how to approach Kakashi from there. There wasn’t as much washing up as he had expected, and Iruka made himself familiar with the kitchen space, easily finding where everything went as he searched for containers to put the separate foods from the jounin’s untouched dinner in. Considering Kakashi only seemed to have two of everything, he decided it would be better to store leftovers in containers rather than the crockery it was served on. After wiping the table and benches, Iruka was satisfied with the job, and refilled the jug and turned it on before leaving the kitchen.

He tentatively made his way to the room at the end of the hallway, where he found Kakashi sprawled over the top of his sheets, lying on his stomach. His breathing was slow and relaxed, but Iruka could tell that he wasn’t asleep. Glancing at the ANBU officer standing nearby, he wondered just how hard it would be to get to sleep knowing that someone was always watching him in his own home. Not wanting to invade Kakashi’s space too much, Iruka cautiously sat on the edge of his bed to speak with him.

“Kakashi, I’m sorry for trying to push you for an answer earlier. I was just worried about you and wanted to see if there was anything I could do to help, maybe offer some advice or something; but I should have taken the hint the first time you made it clear you didn’t want to talk about it.”

_Great. He goes out of his way to clean my kitchen, and now he’s apologising for something that’s not even his fault… Can’t he just stop, already?_ If Kakashi wasn’t numb, the guilt would have consumed him, and maybe then he would have been able to muster up an apology and explain that it was actually his fault; but instead, he didn’t have the energy and just stayed completely silent.

“Do you think I should give you a day or two to think before I return again?”

Iruka hesitated when asking that. He thought he should keep the man company, but if Kakashi was angry at him or didn’t want him around, then the least he could do was offer him some time to cool off.

Kakashi tensed at the question. Those four days before Iruka visited had been agonising, and the more the chuunin visited, the more Kakashi realised how much colder and lonelier his house was without his company; and it was all this time spent in the emptiness that provoked his unwanted thoughts. Since being confined to his own home, the intrusive thoughts, images, and emotions were becoming harder to tame; and the longer Kakashi was left alone, the harder it was to fight them off. But when Iruka was around, things were different… Better. He seemed to be able to guide Kakashi back to the things he had abandoned many years ago when he first ventured into the darkness; and when Iruka left the night before, Kakashi had found himself wishing he could have stayed longer. If he was being honest with himself, Kakashi wanted Iruka to visit the next day, and the day after, and the day after that; but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. No, Iruka had done enough for him already, and requesting him to visit every day was selfish of him - Iruka had a life of his own to live without having to put up with Kakashi all the time. Who would want to be around someone like himself, anyway?

“Do what you want…” Kakashi finally mumbled.

Iruka looked at the man curiously. Kakashi seemed more distressed than before Iruka had proposed the question, and he wondered what was going on in the jounin’s mind. He wasn’t going to ask though; not after the last incident that landed them here in the first place. As Iruka took a moment to analyse Kakashi’s response, he couldn’t help but feel like there was a challenge behind it. Kakashi had definitely decided on a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer to the question, but there was no way he would communicate anything in his state, so Iruka had to guess.

He instinctively reached down to place a tanned hand on Kakashi’s shoulder as he figured out how to word what he wanted to say. Iruka wanted to mention that it wasn’t about what _he_ wanted, but what Kakashi himself needed instead; and that visiting often didn’t bother him in the slightest. But just as his hand gently brushed the fabric of Kakashi’s long-sleeved shirt, just before he could speak; in one swift motion, Iruka suddenly found himself on his back, pinned to the bed. His arms were raised above his head, gripped tightly at the wrists with a firm grip, and his body was pinned down with strong thighs holding him in place. In just a split second, he was trapped, staring up at Kakashi’s malicious face. It took a moment for Kakashi to realise what he had just done and who he was looking at, and the malice left his expression; leaving behind a shattered gaze.

As they stared at each other in silence, neither making an attempt to move, Iruka contemplated his mistake. Kakashi was ex-ANBU – he had overheard the Sandaime mention it once; and he knew that they were trained to instinctively react to anything. That meant that Kakashi had probably sensed the hand getting closer to him, which triggered an automatic response. The present ANBU officer’s response time was slower – a sign that they either didn’t have much experience, or rarely had ANBU duties; and they began preparing a jutsu to immobilise Kakashi.

“Stop.” Iruka spoke to the ANBU officer, keeping his eyes trained onto the steel-blue eye that studied him somewhat manically. “He’s not going to hurt me.”

“How would _you_ know? You don’t know a thing about me – no one does!” Kakashi hissed before leaping away from Iruka, turning to leave the room. 

He was angry. First it was at himself because he had nearly hurt the one person who genuinely cared about him, and then he was angry at the ANBU officer for two things; first, it was because the officer doubted his abilities to control himself, and then it was because if he hadn’t been able to control himself, the officer’s reaction time was too slow. Then finally he was angry at Iruka for causing his instant reaction in the first place, and then being too confident in the his abilities and control, which could get him hurt if he wasn’t careful. He had to get away before he said something he would later regret.

“Hatake Kakashi.”

Kakashi froze as dread took over his body. Too late. _  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh. O.O


	4. Chapter 4

Kakashi’s blood ran cold, and icy goosebumps prickled along his arms. His stomach twisted and turned violently, more so than when he had been at the table, and adrenaline was running through his veins, making him skittish. He had never understood the power of his name when it was whispered across villages all over the continent – it was just a name; but when Iruka said it, so serious, so firm, so… calm, there was so much more to it. It wasn’t just a name, it was a message that was meant to be feared; even the ANBU officer monitoring the situation seemed to wince. Iruka was furious, and Kakashi knew he had made a _big_ mistake. He had made mistakes during missions before, but had never felt this level of dread before. Gulping, Kakashi turned around to face Iruka, and was completely immobilised by what he saw.

He didn’t need the sharingan active to see the ferocious fire lighting Iruka’s gaze, nor the sorrow hiding behind it. Iruka was sitting in the centre of the bed where he had been held down; his fingers clenched, digging into the sheets – a sign he was angry. Kakashi had seen Iruka angry before, especially when he was late handing back a mission report; but that was only frustration that would pass in a few minutes. This was different – Iruka seemed to be trying to hold back something else; taking deep, heavy breaths as he struggled to compose himself. Then finally, when his face softened into a more gentle expression and his grip eased, Iruka leapt off the bed, landing at the end of it; and made his way over to Kakashi.

“Okay, first thing’s first.” Iruka began, pinching the bridge of his nose.

His voice was even, and his tone very teacherly. There was not a trace of any of the emotions Kakashi had seen in his eyes a moment ago; as though he had disregarded them for the time being. Iruka studied Kakashi with a patient expression as he figured out how to word what he wanted to say.

“I know you didn’t mean to pin me down, and I know you haven’t meant to snap at me tonight, so I can let it slide; but we need to talk about your outburst…” Iruka hesitated. “Do you really think you should be saying that nobody knows anything about you, when you don’t tell us anything to begin with?” Kakashi glanced away, wishing he hadn’t said anything at all.

“You’re mysterious and intriguing, and I have always wanted to get to know you; but I haven’t been able to because you haven’t given me a chance to. I mean, I didn’t even know you could cook like that, nor that even you can lose control when you laugh. There are some shinobi I only see when I’m at the mission desk, and I know more about them than I do you - and we’ve had more encounters. If it really bothers you that no one knows anything about you, you should try opening up a little.”  

“Iruka, I…” Kakashi looked down defeatedly. “I can’t do it.”

“Why?” he asked softly. Kakashi remained silent – he had said too much already and didn’t want to make things worse than they already were.

“Well, since it’s a clear issue, we’re going to do something about it.” Iruka stated with unexpected determination.

Kakashi startled as he stared at the glint in Iruka’s eyes like a scared puppy. He had never seen that expression before, and it was sending chills down his spine. The resolute gaze was more unsettling than Ibiki’s - the head of the Torture and Interrogation unit; and even more disturbing than Anko, whose eyes always glittered excitedly when she playfully threatened other shinobi to get her own way. In that moment, Iruka was the most intimidating shinobi, not just in all Konoha, but all around the continent.

One thing Iruka had a habit of doing, not just when he was teaching at the academy, but in general, was insist on getting people to their mistakes; and he would assist them if they were struggling. Kakashi had seen Iruka sit with Naruto many times to show him what he did wrong in a mission report and how to fix it. That was something that could easily be taught; but when it came to the issue at hand, Kakashi was nervous – what could Iruka possibly make him do?

“Every time I visit you from now on, you are going to tell me one fact about yourself. It doesn’t have to be something deep and personal. We will start with something simple such as likes and dislikes, and work from there. But it can’t be something that people already know such as the fact that you like to read Jiraiya’s work; and it can’t be blatantly obvious like the fact that you wear a mask. You can do that, right?”

“I guess…” Kakashi nodded uncertainly.

“Good. Let’s have a practice run.”

“I don’t know… I, uh… I didn’t think you meant now.” Kakashi sounded embarrassed and slightly panicked.

“Well I’ll go first if you like.” Iruka offered with a smile. “Let’s see… My fact is that Ichiraku is my favourite place to eat out.”

“Mah, Iruka sensei, you’re cheating. Everyone knows that’s your favourite place.”

“I wasn’t cheating!” Iruka huffed. “I’ve never said that to anyone before!”

“It is blatantly obvious, though – you’re rarely seen eating out elsewhere.” Kakashi pointed out.

“Fine. Here’s something nobody knows about me – not even Naruto…” He grinned mischievously. Kakashi raised an eyebrow. He had to admit he was somewhat curious.

 “I have a tattoo.”

“W-What?! Where?” He was not expecting that. Iruka? With a _tattoo_?

“It’s on my upper back. But that’s all I’m going to tell you about it.” He teased.

“No fair.” Kakashi pouted. “You can’t tell me that, and then not give me an explanation.”

“I might consider sharing more next time I visit, but that all depends on what you decide to tell me about yourself.”

“That’s bribing and manipulation.” He grumbled.

“I prefer the term _incentive_.” Iruka winked. “So, what are you going to tell me?”

“I…” Kakashi glanced at the ground and began scratching the back of his head shyly as he tried to come up with something decent – he really wanted to know more about Iruka’s tattoo.

“You…” Iruka prompted. Kakashi was silent for a few seconds before something finally came to mind.

“I… like cats.” For some reason, saying that aloud embarrassed him; and he felt his face heat up as a light blush rose to his cheeks.

“Oh?” Iruka sounded especially curious and surprised; and Kakashi took that as a bad sign.

“This isn’t a good idea…” he mumbled, somewhat mortified. _Why_ had he told Iruka that?

“No, no! I was just surprised since you have the ninken, and there are no cats around here.” Iruka explained, gently touching Kakashi’s shoulder. His soothing approach eased Kakashi’s mind and encouraged him to explain further.

“Well, I don’t have time to look after cats with all the missions I go on; and I don’t think my dogs would appreciate me smelling like cat, especially when I’ve had them longer.”

“Oh, that makes sense - I had been wondering why your genin team seemed to be the only one getting the D rank cat collections… Naruto used to complain about them all the time, and there was a time I was always reading them since he was the one who filled out the reports. You’ve been taking them on purpose, haven’t you?”

“Maybe.” Kakashi shrugged, growing quiet once more; satisfied that he had said enough. He didn’t want to share any more than he had to.

“Well, the jug should be boiled now. Shall we go and get some tea?” Iruka offered. He decided it was best to not thank Kakashi for sharing something about himself – he didn’t want to come across as patronising.

“Sure.” Kakashi accepted, leading the way.

He had to admit that the whole conversation had been a nice distraction while it lasted; but he knew that when Iruka left, everything would come flooding back. Kakashi just hoped he could manage it.

\-------------------------------------------

“What brings you here? I’m not expecting another update on Kakashi for two days.” Tsunade asked the ANBU officer kneeling in front of her. “Is something wrong?”

“No, but… Well, uh… It’s not Kakashi… It’s actually his visitor, Iruka…”

“Haah? Iruka?” she asked, astonished. “What did _he_ do?”

“Kakashi had a bad moment, and Iruka completely diffused the situation – he told the indoor ANBU officer not to do anything then sorted it out on his own.”

“Really? How did he do that?”

“Well, I think it’s some sort of therapy activity – something to do with getting Senpai to open up.”

“What?! I don’t believe it! I wouldn’t be able to get Kakashi to do any therapy even if I told him it was a compulsory S Class mission – and I’m the Hokage!” she exclaimed in utter disbelief. Tsunade poured the last of her sake bottle into her cup as she briefly reflected on the news.

“Shizune!”

“Yes, Tsunade-sama?” she called, hurrying over, with Ton-Ton in her arms.

“I would like you to organise me a meeting with the academy teacher Umino Iruka tomorrow afternoon when he is finished with his class.”

“Of course. Is there anything else?” she asked expectantly.

“Could you fetch me another bottle?”

“Ah, but there’s no more, Tsunade-sama.” She smiled, pleased with herself. Shizune had found her latest horde when Tsunade insisted on taking her own trash out. Three bottles - one half empty, were found in the bag.

“Well, from my stash, then.”

“That’s where you asked me to get it from last time.”

“Is there still any in the air vents?”

“What?! You hide your sake there?” Shizune added that to her mental list of places to routinely check for bottles.

“I take it that’s a yes. Check the vents in the mission room - that’s where I stashed them.”

“Just how many places have you hidden bottles?” Shizune sighed defeatedly. She was never going to get Tsunade to ease her drinking.

“Too many for you to keep track of.”

“I’ll say…” Tsunade turned to Tenzou, who was awaiting his next orders.

“I want you to keep an eye on those two for me. I am concerned about Kakashi, but Umino has piqued my interest, too. That is all.”

“Hai.” Tenzou disappeared in a flash of smoke, eager to leave. He had a lot to think about – from what he had observed that evening, it seemed the Godaime wasn’t the only one interested in Iruka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The good stuff is coming, I promise! At least half the fic is actually already written out - I just need to go through and edit it before posting coz I started writing it last year, I think it was; and I have improved since then and want to make it better before presenting it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments. I'm glad you're all enjoying the fic so far! Your encouragement is motivating me to work even harder on the story - I can't wait to show you the rest!

“Come in!” A loud voice called in response to the polite knock at the thick wooden door.

“You wanted to see me, Hokage-sama?” Iruka asked as he made his way to the middle of the office and bowed. He had no idea what the Hokage could possibly want with him, and he was somewhat nervous. 

“You don’t need to be so formal with me, Iruka! Just my name is fine!” Tsunade waved off as the chuunin in front of her regained his posture.

“Hai, Tsunade-sama.” He responded respectfully.

“I hear that you’ve been visiting Hatake Kakashi lately.”

“Hai. I didn’t know if the ANBU officers would let me visit, but I wanted to at least try.”

“I see.” She smiled. “My officers have a list of people who can visit, written up by Kakashi himself. If he doesn’t want someone there, the ANBU has been instructed to send them away.”

“Oh, so my name was on the list, then.” Iruka confirmed cautiously.

“Well, not exactly…” She watched Iruka’s face fall, before his brows furrowed in confusion.

"Then why -"

“He distinctly wrote that he didn’t want any visitors; but my ANBU reported that he seemed lonely and kept interfering with protocol, trying to talk to the officers. I told them to let in who they see fit as company regardless of his list, so they did; and you have been the only agreeably suitable person.”

“Oh... Well I’m grateful that they let me visit him.” But why had they collectively agreed her was the best person in the first place?

“Kakashi seems grateful, too; he made an amendment to his list yesterday morning to include your name as a visitor. He tried to submit it the night before, but it was too late in the evening to process it.” 

That was the night he had brought ramen over. Iruka smiled as he remembered the amusement that flickered in Kakashi’s eyes as he placed the mismatched chopsticks in his mask. That evening was the first time he had heard such genuine laughter from Kakashi, let alone actually losing control of himself because of it - it was a moment Iruka didn’t want to forget.

“What are you smiling at, Iruka? Did something happen then?” Tsunade questioned suspiciously.

“It was just a really good night – the best I’ve seen Kakashi in ages. Despite the whole situation, he laughed like he didn’t have a care in the world.”

“Haah? Are you sure we’re talking about the same person here? Hatake Kakashi?” Tsunade asked, astonished.

“Hai - it’s a step in the right direction, I believe.”

“First I hear that you took control of and diffused a situation before ANBU could interfere; then I hear that you’ve gotten Hatake Kakashi to start some sort of therapy activity; and now you tell me that he’s been _laughing_ … Iruka, what power do you possess? Is it a special jutsu?” Tsunade spoke in disbelief, studying the chuunin in front of her.

“I-I’m flattered, Tsunade-sama; but it’s really no big deal.” Iruka said humbly, feeling his cheeks flush.

“Damn right it is! Do you know how many times I’ve tried to get Kakashi to share anything at all about his life? I couldn’t send him to rehab or therapy even if I made it a compulsory mission that all five Kage enforced!” the Hokage enthused. “He’s too stubborn and private for his own good! I’m grateful that you can get him to open up - he really needs to talk to someone.”

“It is a serious problem, isn’t it…?” Iruka responded solemnly.

“Yes, well, you know what happened… If he had found someone to confide in, then maybe he wouldn’t have attempted to take his life. He was lucky he was found; or else, I fear he would have succeeded.”

“I’ve seen him around the village quite often, and I used to think he always looked so content on the surface; but then when he thinks no one is paying attention, I’ve seen… something else in his eyes. It has often made me wonder just how much is going on in his mind, but I never knew... It’s one of the reasons I wanted to visit him. I always had the impression he needed someone to talk to, but I never really knew how to approach him. I mean, I tried when we’d have ramen together every now and again at Ichiraku with Naruto, but he’d evade my questions; even if I could get him alone. His suicide attempt has been playing on my mind, and I want to try harder to help him - he doesn't deserve this pain.” 

“He needs someone who can read him as well as you do. I think I'll assign you a special mission, since something has obviously changed for him to be opening up to you now. You will keep visiting Kakashi until the monitoring period ends, and you are to report any progress you notice. My ANBU are keeping tabs, but I think I could learn more from you since you have an opportunity to get close to him. Basically just keep doing what you have been and thoroughly observe - I’m just only making it an official mission now.”

“Of course, Tsunade-sama.” He responded.

“Before you leave, I have some good news.”

“Oh?” Iruka was intrigued.

“A returning shinobi saw Naruto and Jiraiya on the outskirts of Konohan territory, so I suspect they be returning soon.”

“That’s great news! I’ve really missed Naruto’s presence around the village. Thank you for telling me, Tsunade-sama!” Iruka beamed ecstatically.

“You’re dismissed now.” She smiled. Iruka hesitated when he reached the door – there was something on his mind.

“Tsunade-sama?”

“Yes, Iruka?” she asked with interest.

“Would it be possible to allow Kakashi to leave his house every now and again? It’s just that I think the fresh air will help his health, and I know that he has loved ones at the memorial stone he frequently visits. I could be with him the entire time with the ANBU following along to make sure he doesn’t do anything - and so that he isn’t harassed by the villagers or other shinobi.”

“Hmm...” she considered, “Okay. But on top of those conditions, as a precaution, he needs to have half his chakra drained. The chakra bracelet he’s wearing now is enough to prevent him from using jutsus, but it’s not enough to completely prevent someone of his level from using chakra at all. Half won’t harm him - it should just bring him down to civilian energy levels.”

“How will his chakra get drained?” Iruka asked uncertainly.

“With this.” Tsunade held up what looked like a metal pen. “Just tap it on the chakra bracelet and push the button on the end of the pen down, aiming it at the tiny hole in the bracelet’s latch; and within a few minutes, the button will return to its original position, once it has collected the chakra.”

“I’ve never heard of anything like this before...” Iruka said as he curiously inspected the pen.

“Of course you haven’t. It’s a tool that’s only used in the Torture and Investigation unit, and for prisoner transfers. That particular design has a storage limit so that it doesn’t drain too much chakra.”

“That makes sense.”

“Oh, one last thing, Iruka. Don’t use it too much. It can only be used once a day, and it can take another entire day to recover the lost chakra. That means if you were to use it twice in a day, or even two days in a row, there is a huge risk of completely draining Kakashi’s chakra; and we all know what would happen then…”

“I’ll be careful.” Iruka said.

“Good.” Tsunade replied seriously. “I’m putting a lot of trust you. I will inform the ANBU of this.”

“Thank you, Tsunade-sama.”

“If this all works out well, I will be the one thanking _you_ , Iruka.” 

\----------------------------

Kakashi stared expectantly at his door for the hundredth time that day. He had been thinking more rationally since he woke, and had even thoroughly considered the fact about himself that he would surely be forced to share upon Iruka’s arrival. He prided himself on the fact that he was excellent at selecting gifts, he would say. Excluding himself from conversation had its advantages - he could recall many things that people liked, and often found himself thinking of said person when he saw something that reminded him of them. He had even figured out something that Iruka himself would like that he would have bought as proof if he had been allowed to leave. But since he couldn’t get it, he just had to hope that his fact would be good enough to find out more about Iruka’s tattoo. Or maybe he could talk Tenzou into getting the gift for him - that was always an option.

“Where is Iruka, anyway…?” he mumbled to himself as he began pacing in his living room.

“I’m sure he will be here soon - he probably just has some homework to mark first, or something.” The ANBU standing in the corner, next to Kakashi’s bookcase, quietly assured.

“I hope so…”

Another hour passed, and the sun had well and truly disappeared that day; sprinkling the sky with stars. It would be a nice night to go for a walk, Kakashi noted as he stared out his window hoping to see Iruka’s silhouette trotting over.

“Argh, where _is_ he? He hasn’t been this late before…” Kakashi was becoming aggravated and somewhat anxious.

“Perhaps he’s working at the mission desk tonight. If so, his shifts after teaching usually finish at seven; and it’s only six o’clock right now.” The ANBU rationalised, deciding not to confirm that he only knew this because he was stalking Iruka’s routine that day and memorised every detail of the chuunin's timetable before his shift.

“But he would have told me!”

“Perhaps he meant to last night, but got a little distracted.”

“So it’s my fault, then.”

“No, I didn’t mean that, Senpai. He’s a busy man - surely some things have got to slip from his memory.”

“So he’s forgotten about me, then.”

“Senpai, _no_!” Tenzou exclaimed in astonishment. “He clearly cares about you - even I can see that! Just… He’ll be here. You’ll see.”

_Doubt it._ Kakashi responded in his head. He was tired of talking to Tenzou, and was more concerned about Iruka. Was he working at the mission desk like Tenzou had suggested, or was he too distracted with life to consider visiting?

_Am I a burden to Iruka?_ _Is visiting me interfering with his routine and making things more stressful for him? Does he have a lover he’d rather spend time with?_

_Maybe it’s better if Iruka doesn’t see me, then… But I want him here._ Kakashi sighed. _Does that make me selfish?_

He looked longingly at the door again, magically trying to make Iruka suddenly appear; and decided that yes, he was indeed a selfish man.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're heading towards the stronger themes now, so start preparing yourself. This chapter isn't that bad, but it's pointing that direction

After hearing that Naruto was nearby, Iruka had been in a good mood; and when he finished work at the mission desk that evening, he began excitedly tackling tasks to prepare for his arrival. As he flittered around his house to tidy and prepare in case the boisterous blonde wanted to stay with him, Iruka was lost in a daze. It had been nearly two years since he saw Naruto last, and he really missed the boy. He hoped that he would convince Jiraiya to hurry the rest of the way home; and then they could catch up at Ichiraku like the old days – Iruka would pay for it, of course. Iruka was so caught up in his daydreaming that he nearly missed the knock at the door.

“Anko-san!” he greeted with a smile.

He was happy to see her, but also slightly disappointed that it wasn’t Naruto – the boy was Konoha’s most unpredictable shinobi after all, so it wasn’t off the cards for him to be home earlier than expected.

“Hey,” the purple-haired kunoichi smirked knowingly – she was positive Iruka had been expecting, or at least hoping it was someone else at the door, which confirmed her suspicions. “Where have _you_ been lately? I haven’t seen you around and thought I’d visit.”

“I’ve just been busy with work.” He replied, casually inviting her in.

“ _And…?”_ she half-sung. “What about the _other_ thing?”

Anko’s eyes danced with a sadistic glitter as she stood right into Iruka’s personal space and stared intently into his eyes. Her glint was enough to make some of the most dangerous shinobi unsettled, and she often liked to embrace the disturbing demeanour to get what she wanted. One of the only people who had never been fazed by it was Iruka, who challenged her unmoving gaze.

“What _other_ thing?” He played off, wondering what rumour she had heard this time.

“I hear you’ve been sighted entering and exiting someone else’s apartment quite frequently lately - as in every day for the past three days.” She smirked as Iruka’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Who told you that?”

“I wonder…” she purred, dancing around him like she was a predator and he was her prey. “Who is the lucky man?”

“What? No one!" Iruka blushed, shaking his head in denial. “I _have_ been visiting someone, but it’s not what you think! I’m just helping a friend.”

“You’re not telling me his name; he’s _got_ to be special!” she teased. “Who is it?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“Who is it?”

“I just said I’m not telling you! There’s really nothing there.”

Iruka turned his head away stubbornly and crossed his arms, earning a giggle from Anko. She knew she’d find out who it was if she kept pestering him. Anko strode to where Iruka was looking and stared expectantly into his eyes again.

“No.”

The academy teacher turned his head the other way, keeping his arms crossed; this time closing his eyes. It was childish, but it got the point across, he thought. That is, until he felt a wet slime glide up his cheek. Yelping in surprise, he opened his eyes and hurriedly wiped at his face as the perpetrator cackled at his reaction.

“That was gross, Anko! Don’t lick me!” Iruka half-heartedly glared.

“Hey, you used to lick _me_ when we were kids; why can’t I do it to _you_?!” She giggled.

“Because it’s childish behaviour that only _children_ should be doing!” he argued.

“Well, _I_ didn’t know any better – you were certainly _acting_ like a child…” Anko bantered, playfully ruffling Iruka’s hair.

“I guess you’re right…” Iruka finally sighed. Game over, Anko grinned triumphantly, knowing she hit the target.

“So, if it’s not some secret lover, who _have_ you been visiting?” she asked curiously.

“Hatake Kakashi.”

“Oh.” Anko faltered, suddenly serious. “How is he doing? I heard that no one was allowed to visit him.”

“For some reason, I was allowed in. He’s definitely struggling, but I have witnessed some good moments in between, so I don’t think we’ve completely lost him yet.”

“That’s good. I’m glad he has you - you always seem to know what to say and how to help people.”

“All I do is try.” Iruka responded humbly.

“We can all try, but it really takes talent to read between the lines like you do. And I think Kakashi-san needs that extra talent of yours.” she smiled.

“Perhaps. But speaking of reading between the lines…” Iruka smirked knowingly, trying to evade gossip, “What’s been going on between you and Ibiki? You only tend to visit when he’s done something that bothers you.”

“Oh, well, he’s just been a little bit distant. Have you had an argument with him any time recently, or do anything last night?”

“Huh? What made you ask that?” Iruka asked in confusion.

“Because he claimed he had a long night last night, and today he kept muttering under his breath something along the lines of ‘the teacher should really be working as an interrogation officer if he can do that…’. And you’re the only teacher I know who can get that sort of reaction out of him.”

“Well I’ve barely spoken to anyone beside students and parents at the academy, and Kakashi…” Iruka pondered. “Wait – do you know if Ibiki has taken any undercover ANBU jobs? Because maybe he was talking about the situation last night when I was visiting Kakashi for dinner.”

“You had dinner with Kakashi? What happened? Tell me everything!” Anko didn’t know if she was more interested in hearing about the dinner, or the situation.

“Well, I almost lost it last night. Kakashi and I were having a nice dinner together when he just kinda lashed out at me out of nowhere; and I felt kinda… betrayed, I guess. Well, I didn’t really know how to take it, but it still hurt. I mean, I’ve been patient, trying to just be there for him and stuff; but it just seemed like no matter what I did last night, it wasn’t good enough, or it ended up being the wrong thing. Even trying to apologise to him caused problems, and I just couldn’t take it anymore, so I snapped a little. But when I saw the way he was looking at me after I called his name - so remorseful, so broken, so hopeless; I could just tell that he hadn’t meant to do any of that, and sorta forgave him on the spot.”

“Iruka, you’re too quick to forgive. I don’t care if he didn’t mean any of it, Kakashi had better apologise to you – that’s wrong.” Anko said protectively.

"Honestly, Anko, I was expecting something like that to happen sometime – I was probably just as bad when my parents died.” Iruka sighed. “It’s been hard trying to figure Kakashi out… But I don’t want to give up on him.”

“Well make sure you look after yourself too, or I’m going to tell Ibiki that the teacher’s pet is _not_ in my good books.” She threatened with a smile.

“Hey, don’t word it like that - Kakashi is _not_ a teacher’s pet!” Iruka fretted as a flush burned into his cheeks. “That’ll just give him the wrong impression!”

“And just what might that impression be?” she smirked.

“The same idea _you_ got when you heard I was visiting someone.”

“It’ll happen though, I reckon.”

“What?”

“You and Kakashi. I bet you two end up together by the time he recovers from everything.”

“W-What? No way. Why do you think that? How would you know if he even likes men or not?” Iruka spluttered in embarrassment at Anko’s speculation.

“A woman just knows, Iruka; a woman just knows.” She smirked before leaning closer to whisper in his ear. “And I’ve heard down the grapevine that he _has_ been with men before.”

“Really, Anko?” Iruka scoffed, sceptically, raising an eyebrow. “You can’t just believe everything you hear… Who told you that, anyway?”

“I don’t kiss and tell – you know that; but if you don’t believe me, just ask him yourself.” She teased.

“Anko, that’s the last thing Kakashi needs. I’m not going to start interrogating him about his love life.” Iruka shook his head. “And hey! Why do you even have the impression I like him in the first place?!”

“Well, you haven’t exactly denied it.” She winked.

“Well, that’s… It’s…”

“Anyway, I should get going now – that’s all I came by for!” Anko cackled as she made her way to the door; amused at how easily she could turn Iruka into an embarrassed mess.

“Oh, wait; I have one more bit of news!” Iruka remembered when she reached the door.

“Yes?”

“Tsunade-sama told me that someone spotted Naruto on the outskirts of our territory. He should be coming home soon!”

“That’s great! It’ll be good to have him back after, how long now?”

“Two years.”

“Wow, time sure flew by! I wonder just how strong he is now…”

“Yeah. I can’t wait to see him and find out!” Iruka enthused.

“And I can’t wait to hear about it!” Anko grinned, remembering Naruto and his team’s first attempt at the chuunin exams. “See you around!”

Once Anko left, a strong wave of drowsiness hit Iruka. He had overworked himself more than he realised, and was well beyond the point of being revived by a cup of coffee or tea. He shuffled to his room and collapsed on his bed to try and gather some energy to at least change into his pyjamas; but as soon as he sunk into the mattress, the drowsiness consumed him and he dozed off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

\-------------------------------------------

Kakashi had surpassed anxious when the clock struck eight and Iruka was nowhere to be found. A quiet tremble had set in his nerves as his heart pounded harder and faster with every second that passed by, and he found it hard to breathe, as though someone had wrapped their hands around his throat and were toying with his gag reflex, slowly choking him to death. He nearly took his mask off to ease the sensation, but knew he’d feel too vulnerable without the comforting material disguising his emotions. Anguish had settled in his stomach, sinking with each desperate breath Kakashi took; and soon his head began to throb.

He raised his hands to his head, running his fingers back through his hair to try and ease the tension, though it wouldn’t go. _Make it stop! No; please! Don’t take me there!,_ he screamed desperately to himself _._ Each throb of his headache cracked into his barrier of numbness. If he couldn’t control the throbs and his shield broke away, he was going to lose himself to an extreme pain that he was doing his best to avoid. _Where’s Iruka? I need him…_ A deep sadness welled behind his eyes, as though he was crying invisible tears in his desperation; and the anxious choking sensation seemed to tighten around his throat.

Kakashi began to stressfully tug at his hair, as though each strand he pulled out would rip some of the pain away and protect his wall from crumbling. He paced back and forth glancing around his living room looking for… Iruka? An answer? _Iruka_? A lonely sigh escaped his breath when he didn’t find what he was after.

“What’s wrong, Senpai?” Tenzou asked.

“He… He’s not here, and I…” Kakashi’s breathing became intense as he inhaled deeper and faster. The choking sensation was making hard for him to breathe.

“Easy there; you’re hyperventilating.”

“No I’m not.” He responded out of breath, choosing to believe he was more in control of himself than that.

“Hey, do you want to know what I heard today?” Tenzou tried to distract Kakashi from his worry.

“What?”

“Someone saw Naruto and Jiraiya near Konohan territory, and I overheard that they were talking about the next Icha Icha book, which has just been sent away for publishing. Apparently it will be released next month.”

“Oh goodie, I can buy a copy to celebrate my release of this prison.” Kakashi responded sarcastically.

“Hey, it’s _your_ home; and there were other options, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Kakashi drawled. “Why are you even talking to me anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be ignoring me like everyone else?”

“Well I wouldn’t be a good friend if I did that, would I?” Tenzou smiled painfully under the mask. “Besides, I think it’s more effective than suffering in silence, don’t you think, Senpai?”

“Who said I was suffering _silently_?”

“Who said I was talking about _you_?” Tenzou bantered, trying to forget about Kakashi’s interest in Iruka.

“Huh. Like _that’s_ the truth. I bet you _like_ watching me suffer.”

“Only if you’re into it, Senpai.” He bantered.

“Hmm.”

Tenzou spotted a small smirk under Kakashi’s mask, which pleasantly surprised him; he had done what he needed to do to distract Kakashi from his worry. Or so he thought… Kakashi hadn’t really wanted to talk to him – he had barely registered Tenzou’s voice; but he had automatically slipped into the façade he had displayed for many years to humour him. He knew that Tenzou was only concerned about him and wanted to help, but Tenzou had never been good at reading between the lines and usually ended up saying the wrong thing; so it was easier for Kakashi to trick Tenzou into leaving him alone by forcing out a smile. It would offer Tenzou some reassurance, at the very least.

A couple more hours passed in silence as Kakashi continued to alternate from seating himself on the lounge, to pacing around the living room somewhat frantically as he tried to keep his thoughts at bay, aiming to stop the onslaught of pain that had announced itself with each hammer that slammed into his wall of numbness. Finally, just before ten o’clock, a small chunk of the shield had been chipped away, and melancholy seeped into his upper mind. _He’s not coming…_ Kakashi didn’t want to believe it; but there was no way Iruka would visit at this hour. Despair pulled him to the floor, and he sunk to his knees, staring at the door as his arms hung loosely by his sides.

“Iruka’s not coming…” he spoke in a small voice. “Why doesn’t he want to see me?”

Tenzou felt his heart drop at the mere sight of Kakashi fallen to his knees, and it broke him to hear the man speak in such an innocent way, as though he was an abandoned child unsure about life, instead of the powerful shinobi he had come to know. He wanted to hug Kakashi and tell him it would be okay, but there was something unnerving about the atmosphere around him, and Tenzou was too cautious to intrude.

An hour went by and Tenzou was sure he hadn’t seen Kakashi move a muscle. Anyone would have thought he had fallen asleep had it not been for the fact that his breathing was lively, and although supressed by the bracelet, his chakra buzzed wildly. When two hours passed, Kakashi still hadn’t moved a muscle; just continued to stare absentmindedly at the front door. Something was really wrong with Kakashi, and Tenzou braved the darkened atmosphere to try and get Kakashi’s attention. All that did was earn him a glare that nearly gave him a heart attack - Tenzou was positive he saw a sharingan eye ghosting Kakashi’s usual steel-blue eye, as though both eyes were descendent of the Uchiha bloodline; and he wondered what that meant, what was happening. He didn’t attempt to find out, though - the deathly menace in the glare was more than enough of a warning to stay away.

Finally, just before Tenzou’s shift ended at one in the morning, Kakashi stirred. He got up from his position on the floor and stretched, like he just woke up from a nap. He casually strode towards Tenzou as though absolutely nothing had happened - even his chakra had calmed to a completely soothing level, melodic even; and Tenzou found himself relaxing at the approaching figure.

“I am going to bed now.” He offered a two finger salute and walked off. “Goodbye.”

Kakashi’s voice did not reflect his chakra, and was disturbingly monotonous, robotic, and extremely calm; and it sent chills down Tenzou’s spine. Kakashi had become an expressionless vessel, and even the visible eye that was darkened with hate just an hour before was lifeless and empty. It was disturbing to contemplate the potential of a powerful shinobi without emotion. If Kakashi had made it as an ANBU captain as a child, Tenzou could only imagine how lethal the war-hardened man would be in this state. He would have certainly become an even better assassin. And ‘goodbye’ instead of ‘goodnight’ just sounded very… cryptic. With a sudden ‘poof’ to distract him from his thoughts, Tenzou found another ANBU member by his side ready for shift rotation.

“What was _that_ all about?” a woman ANBU officer asked in a hushed whisper after she appeared, ready for her shift. “Is he okay?”

“I really don’t know… But don’t take your eyes off him for a second. There’s something off, and dangerous, about him - like he's a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.”


	7. Chapter 7

Iruka woke in a sweat as a collection of paper bombs exploded all around him. _Just a nightmare…_ he sighed, taking a deep breath to calm his heart. Glancing out the window, he saw the grey-blue colour of dawn before the sun streaked its colours across the sky; and that calculated that he was up about half an hour earlier than usual for work. He didn’t think there would be any point in sleeping for that extra bit of time, though, as doing that usually made him even more tired. Iruka didn’t think he would be able to get back to sleep, anyway - not with all the nausea churning in his gut, at least.

He got out of bed and started getting ready for the day, taking his time to follow his usual morning routine. Ordinarily he would have made something for breakfast, as his students knew how to sap the energy out of him well before their morning break; but he just couldn’t stomach it. Instead, he went straight to brushing his teeth, and then got dressed into his pristine uniform. All that was left to do was put his hair up and tie his headband on, then he was ready to go.

In the mirror, it looked like Iruka’s hair feathered his shoulders, but it was actually longer than that, reaching in between his shoulder blades and waist. Once he wet it, he ran a brush through the soft brown locks, making sure it was all smooth. It felt like it was taking a while, and his arms were beginning to ache – a sign that he was nearly due for another trim. He eventually gathered his hair behind him, and slipped a hair tie around it. He stretched the elastic to twist and loop it over again, but it snapped. It was an older one, so he had been expecting it to die soon, but it still bugged him. He fumbled for his stash with his free hand, and grabbed a new one.

_Snap._

“Aww, come on! That was a _new_ one! Why do they snap so easily?!” he grumbled, reaching for a third band.

_Snap._

“Really? It’s to make money, isn’t it…?” he sighed at his exasperated reflection, looking at the pile of broken hair ties in front of him.

The fourth one snapped too, and Iruka was beyond frustrated. If the anxiety still swirling in his gut wasn’t indicator enough that he was going to have a bad day, the four broken hair ties in a row was definitely a bad sign. As silly as it was though, he couldn’t help but think the two indicators were related.

“I really have an overactive imagination…” Iruka chuckled to himself after working the fifth into his hair and accomplishing his morning routine.

He had decided to jokingly accept the superstitious theory that ‘four’ is ‘shi’, and ‘shi’ is also ‘death’; and therefore that might have been a warning that someone would die that day. _If anything is going to die today, it’s going to be my patience with those kids!_

The sinking and sloshing feeling in Iruka’s abdomen was making him jittery and distracted, and although he had been joking around to himself, he really _was_ worried that something was going to happen. It was as though his intuition was warning him that there would be an emergency; and on his walk to the academy, every time a dog barked when he stepped too close to the fence, every time someone called out to him, and every time a loud noise clapped around him; Iruka kept jumping in fright. He was embarrassed, especially considering he was a well-trained shinobi, and hoped he wouldn’t be like that all day.

“What is _wrong_ with me?” he sighed when a screeching bird made him jump just as he reached the academy.

When his class entered, it seemed that even the students sensed the danger and excitement radiating from Iruka; as half were more excitable than usual, and the other half were more alert of everything around them, the grounds, and the village in general. Iruka tried to focus on the lesson, but his internal alarm was screaming even louder for him to take action immediately, and that sent him into a flustered panic. It was just impossible to continue - not when his strange demeanour seemed to be influencing his students.

“Iruka-sensei, when can we do weapons training?”

“Yeah, let’s do weapons training!”

“I’m going to hit the centre with the shuriken this time!”

The class excitedly started to babble away at the prospect of weapons training, and the loud voices grated into Iruka’s head, threatening to give him a headache. He was trying to control his frustration, but his patience had significantly dwindled, especially in his antsy state. Just before Iruka was going to scold his class, a puff of smoke appeared in the room. How all the children heard and noticed it at once over their distracted bedlam voices, he would never know; but Iruka was grateful for the disturbance because his students had immediately fallen silent. But then he turned to face his visitor, and all the colour drained from his face, and he became sickly pale mess as a new wave of panic set in.

“Umino, we need you; _now._ Hatake is… non-compliant.” the blood-splattered ANBU officer demanded with a sense of urgency. Iruka quickly turned to his class.

“Get yourselves a substitute teacher or join another class. If I find that _any_ of you have skipped class or misbehave, there _will_ be consequences. I will be back as soon as I can.”

And with that, Iruka was transported away from the academy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get psyched for the next chapter - it's going to be big... o.O


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so excited about having this chapter ready today that I forgot to eat! :O
> 
> Also, there is a TRIGGER WARNING:  
> There are graphic details here of suicide, and a bit of suicidal ideation; so if this sort of content bothers you, I would advise you not to read ahead. But if you can't help yourself, and you read it anyway, please take care. 
> 
> So without further adieu, let the drama... Begin!

“Hatake Kakashi!”

“Hello? Senpai?”

“Oi! Hatake!”

“He’s not responding to anything. What should we do?”

Kakashi was vaguely aware of the world around him. It was fading out of existence, the voices were fading out of existence - _he_ was fading out of existence; and the only thing left was a nothingness that was dragging deeper and deeper into a blanket of darkness. It was a familiar place; so lonely, so isolated, so empty. The heavy pull was smothering him, silencing everything that defined him; and no matter how hard he tried to fight it, to focus on the people trying to get his attention, to take a step and rise out of the sinking pool, his efforts just weren’t good enough. Kakashi didn’t want to give up, but he could barely think, and the last of his will was being sucked right out of him; and he was growing exhausted. So he stopped fighting it.

The world rotated and swirled around him, becoming distorted and disorienting. Everywhere he looked was just a blur of colour, nothing distinct; and a deep dread gutted him as his body screamed for help, violently rattling his core. Kakashi didn’t know what was going to happen, but he trusted his instincts, and prepared himself for the worst – not that he could exactly do anything to a blank space of swirling colours. He felt a strong falling sensation as the colours suddenly became black it was getting faster and faster with every second that went by; and when he slammed into the ground, his body jerked uncontrollably for a moment, and an onslaught of pain rippled through him.

Kakashi’s heart shattered, and the jagged pieces piercing into him scraped down his torso, tearing him apart. He felt weak, and sunk to the ground, vaguely aware he was back in his lounge room. The people who called out to him just moments before were gone; and Kakashi was left to digest his pain alone. Where _was_ everyone? He leaned forward, an arm cradling his abdomen as the broken pieces of his heart sunk to his stomach and gutted him. It hurt to move, hurt to think, hurt to just _be._ He was falling deeper into the darkness, further than he had ever fallen before; and so much anguish and despair drowned his soul. He was struggling to breathe as the strength of his emotions overwhelmed him; and with no way out, and no one around to save him, it was all becoming too much to handle. There was only one option left for him.

Kakashi had made up his mind - his decision was resolute. Nothing was going to stop him from doing the only thing that would end his pain once and for all – he really couldn’t wait to be free. Kakashi found himself thinking about his first attempt, how he had been ready to die, how he didn’t have any second thoughts, nor any regrets – he had done everything he needed to do, and had served Konoha well. He thought he had thought everything out, but he didn’t count on being found when he had… Kakashi reflected back to about a week and a half ago, when it happened.

He had been sitting at his desk with a blank scroll and ink for a good couple of hours. He had been compelled to write something to explain his actions, to assure others that it wasn’t their fault, to prove he wanted this, but nothing had come to mind; and he didn’t know how to write so many things in a limited amount of space and time. It had frustrated him, not knowing what to write, and he was becoming agitated because he didn’t want to sit at his desk all day mulling over everything. It got to a point where he didn’t care what the note said anymore, and just wrote the first thing that came to his head.

_I’m drowning in Hell. I’ve been here for a while now; so long, that all round me is darkness. There is no escape; no hope, or relief. The thick pressure that surrounds me is too strong to pull myself from, and there is no use continuing to try - I have to give up or I am going to be a danger to everyone. But being here in this Hell where my soul gets ripped apart on a daily basis, tormenting me with guilt and reminders of every loss I want to forget; I can’t face it any longer. There is no light left to guide me out, and now that I am completely isolated, I can only rely on one final option. Death will be my saviour._

Kakashi was happy with what he had written, and took it over to the coffee table in his lounge room, right where he was planning to act. That was the first step complete, and Kakashi was feeling more relaxed, now that the hardest obstacle was out of the way. The next step was gathering the materials and figuring out exactly where he wanted to set up, where he wanted his last moments to be. He had no doubts in his mind that he was ready for this – he wasn’t going to turn back.

Sitting on the lounge, Kakashi grabbed the rope he had bought months ago – he had been wanting to do this since for a while, but wanted to wait first to see if there were any other solutions. He finally realised there wasn’t, and that this was the only way to escape the darkness, so it was time. He weaved the rope around and through itself until he was satisfied that he had perfected the hangman’s knot on his noose.

For a moment, all he could do was just stare at it. In his hands was the very object that was going to kill him; that was going to release him from the darkness that he had endured so long; that was going to end everything. And _he_ created it. Eventually, Kakashi gently set it aside to take a chair from his kitchen.

A gentle streak of sun seeped through the window by the sink, catching his eye. He drew the curtain open and looked outside at the field beyond his backyard. It was spring, and the sakura trees were in full bloom, sprouting light pink flowers along their branches; and water glistened peacefully from a lake nearby. Kakashi spotted a few young animals exploring the land – mainly birds that were singing a friendly melody; and he felt content. Of all the possible things he could see in his final moments, he was glad that he could see that one last time.

He allowed himself a few minutes to take in the scenery before closing the curtain and heading back to the lounge room with the dining chair. It hadn’t been too hard to find a place to secure the noose – the wooden boards of his roof was secured by thick beams, and the gaps were wide enough to slip his rope through. He needed the chair to reach, and easily tied it up; giving it a hard tug to make sure it was secure. Finally, he was ready to do it. Kakashi was calm and thinking as clearly as ever – he was ready to join the friends he had lost so many years ago, to see his sensei again, to chat with his father; he was ready to be free.

Kakashi grabbed the noose and placed it over his head, sliding the rope back until it reached his neck. He reached behind to adjust the knot, making it tighter; and he had to raise his head a little for the noose to squeeze harder. As he continued to tighten the loop, it began to constrict his airways, and Kakashi felt a light choking sensation around his throat. He stretched on his toes, raising himself higher to better secure the noose; and the pressure forced him to raise his head so he was looking towards the roof. Then, taking one last strangled breath, Kakashi kicked the chair away.

He expected one snap, one sharp movement, for it to all be over in an instant. But instead, his body jerked when the noose tugged his head unnaturally higher and made it impossible to breathe. Suspended in mid-air, Kakashi kicked and thrashed about as the rope swung him around. His face grew hot – too hot with his mask on; and without air, his heart was pounding harder and harder, screaming for oxygen, desperate to be transferred from the dying man. His lungs and chest began to burn, too; and Kakashi’s survival instincts kicked in, urging him to breathe, trying to pry his airways open, begging his convulsing limbs to help and do something to save him. Kakashi unwillingly opened his mouth and heaved for air, but nothing except a croaked wheezing noise came from that. His body buzzed anxiously as it tried everything it could to get some air into him, to save him; but as time ticked by, and Kakashi’s vision faded into nothing, it was clear that his body was shutting down. It had to be, if he had heard what he thought he did.

“Oi, Hinata, c’mon! We’re going to be late!” Kiba called, running by. He was close enough for Kakashi to hear Akamaru’s tiny boof of agreement.

“Wait!” she called out.

“Is something wrong, Hinata?” Shino asked quietly.

“Did you hear that just a moment ago?” _Oh no. Anything but this!_ Kakashi panicked. _Just keep moving,_ he prayed.

“No, everything is perfectly normal around here. My bugs would have alerted me if something was wrong.”

“I guess you’re right…” She said. Hinata didn’t sound too convinced, though.

“C’mon, you guys! Kurenai is going to scold us again if we don’t hurry!” Kiba called, even further away.

Kakashi was glad when he heard footsteps passing his house and travelling further away – he wouldn’t have been able to forgive himself if they were the ones who found him; they were still young and didn’t need to see this.

“Byakugan!” _Oh, Hinata… Oh no… I didn’t want you to see this!_

Hearing Hinata’s cry was worse than everything else Kakashi was experiencing - he couldn't imagine how he traumatising he looked. His suicide was supposed to be a personal, private affair – he didn’t want anyone else around him, anyone to see him in this state; he wanted to die alone. Somehow, Kakashi’s heart managed to break even further, and he just wished he’d hurry up and die; he really couldn’t face anything else after this.

“Kakashi-sensei!” Kiba shouted, pounding furiously on the locked front door.

The pounding turned into loud, heavy thuds that rattled the whole house; and with an explosive _bang_ , Kakashi’s door flew off its hinges and Kiba ran in, Akamaru trailing behind barking urgently. When Kiba took in Kakashi’s profile, his eyes widened in horror – Hinata hadn’t been able to tell him what was wrong, and he could finally see why she had been on the verge of tears when she shouted the sensei’s name. Quickly thinking, Kiba rushed over to Kakashi and wrapped his arms around his legs, hoisting his body higher, hoping to loosen the tight grip around Kakashi’s neck.

“No!” Kakashi spluttered as a small amount of air dribbled into his lungs. “Leave me alone!”

As Shino entered Kakashi’s home, Kakashi used the last of his energy to get Kiba away from him. He managed to manoeuvre his body to kick Kiba in the chest, which weakened the boy’s grip. Akamaru growled ferociously and tried to lash onto Kakashi, until Kiba gave him orders to get Kurenai.

“Shino, your bugs!” Kiba all but screamed when his teammate appeared.

“Got it.” he nodded, sending a cloud of them towards Kakashi.

Kakashi could hear the crunching around and above his head, and he knew he had failed. As the last of his energy left him, and the last of his breath was used, he went limp. The last thing he heard before he passed out was the rope giving way, and he was sure he felt a tear trickle down his cheek. He had been defeated in the worst way possible.

As the memory faded away, Kakashi heaved and lurched forward. He found himself sitting upright in his living room, surrounded by the whole ANBU guard, and a very worried Iruka.

“Iruka-sensei? What are you doing here?” he asked. “What happened?”

Then he smelled the blood.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think my brain broke after the last chapter, because it took me a while to figure out how to write this chapter and where to go from here; and I've written and rewritten this one nearly twenty times in the past two days. I know where I'm heading now and how to proceed, so it shouldn't be too hard to continue from here.

The metallic stench of blood was overwhelming, and Kakashi felt like he was suffocating. He reached for his mask and pulled it away from his face; his fingers brushing across a streak of a drying sticky substance that had caked itself on his cheek by the edge of it. As his fingers trailed down his mask, he noticed it felt moist and squishy where liquid had soaked in, sloshing through the material - no wonder he hadn’t been able to breathe properly with it on. Kakashi’s left eye, the sharingan, felt uncomfortably wet, too - like he had been crying; but it also had a heaviness to it like something had glued his eyelid shut. He removed his hand from his face, and inspected it with his other eye, instantly spotting the deep crimson blotches staining his pale skin. Although he frowned at the droplets slowly dribbling down his finger, he was more fixated on something else. His uniform sleeves were tattered and torn, and dark singed patches of skin trailed along underneath.

“I-Iruka, what happened to me? Why am I bleeding and…?” Kakashi asked, holding his arm up to finish the question.

“You don’t remember anything – _nothing_ from the past few hours?” Iruka asked softly, his voice slightly wavering.

Kakashi looked up to the gentle brown eyes studying him with concern. Before he could answer, or do anything else at all, a burst of searing pain exploded across his skull, and Kakashi cried out, gripping his head. The burning ache branched down his body, as though it was travelling through his chakra current; poisoning the flow as it spread across. His sharingan eye rattled with a sense of urgency as pressure built in its socket, and Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing across the area with his palms, trying to clear the grime and irritation away; but no matter what he tried, the pressure continued to build up in his sharingan. And then something started to bubble in his eye socket, like boiling water had been poured into his skull. Kakashi screamed in agony as everything – the aches, the burning, the pressure, continued to escalate. He didn’t know what was happening, couldn’t even try to think anymore; and all his other senses seemed to numb as he writhed around helplessly.

“Kakashi!” he thought he heard Iruka yell, but the sound was muffled over his own voice, so pained, so tortured.

The bubbling in Kakashi’s sharingan eye socket got louder and more frequent as the pressure climbed; until finally the pressure itself popped and disappeared like it hadn’t been there to begin with, and the boiling froth began to dissipate. Then as suddenly as it came, the pain that had been seeping through his body withdrew, minus a moderate headache and an unusual sensation in his sharingan eye. Kakashi reached up and tentatively touched his closed sharingan eye, feeling the heavy tremble in his arms. His shaky fingers brushed against his eyelid, and a light push into his face was all it took to notice that the unusual sensation was another pressure; different from the other, as it was uncomfortable, but not painful.

Kakashi squeezed his eye even tighter, like he was squinting with closed eyes, and he heard a sickening _blop_ as the pressure almost immediately disappeared. A hot wetness slowly oozed down the side of his face, trickling along the trail of dried blood; and Kakashi tensed, suddenly unable to move. He had no idea what had just happened, but the only thing he could imagine was that his eyeball had just exploded. That couldn’t be right, though – he’d surely still have more than a headache if that was the case. So what _was_ that; what actually happened? Kakashi took a deep breath and opened his normal eye; and couldn’t believe what he saw.

The first thing he had focussed on was his hand. Each and every line on his palm was crystal clear, and it was easy to see not only the veins shadowing his pale complexion that branched out to his extremities, but also the soft throbbing of blood squeezing through the tiny blue network. He wasn’t just seeing the blood smeared across his fingers from when he wiped his face moments before; he could see exactly which grooves it had soaked into, and which lines on his palm had dried blood, and which had it still pooling. Kakashi flipped his arm over, and could see every single scratch, and every single scar, no matter how light or faded. He saw the base of every individual hair that grew from his arm, as well as the details of his smoked skin, and torn fabric of his uniform. What he was seeing should have been absolutely impossible.

“ANBU-san, he’s bleeding again! Oh god, his eye, it’s…” Iruka was struggling to figure out what he wanted to say. “Please help him!”

Kakashi looked up from his arm and over to Iruka, studying his pleading eyes. He must have been losing his mind, because he felt like he was looking at those eyes for the first time. Iruka had always had brown eyes, but he’d always seen them as brown in general. This time when Kakashi gazed at the colour, the pigment wasn’t just brown. The base colour was dark and earthy, like ground up coffee beans; then layered on top of that was a lighter filter of amber. Those were the two main colours, but sprinkled over the top was a blend of various shades of caramel, honey, and cinnamon; and Kakashi was in awe at the vast array of colours – he had never seen eyes like that before. Out of all the things he could be distracted by in that moment, Kakashi had no idea why he had prioritised the details of Iruka’s eyes. Perhaps it was because it was the only thing drowning out the darkness of everything else.

Iruka felt Kakashi staring, and turned to face him. The left side of his face was so bloodied that his skin had been stained red, and was dark and murky where blood had flooded out of his eye like a waterfall. He had kept his left eye shut, so Iruka didn’t know what sort of damage it had taken; but judging by the amount of blood still continuing to drip past Kakashi’s face, down his tattered uniform, and pooling in his lap, it had to be significant. Kakashi had gone into a state of shock – his body was quivering, he was a sickly pale, and he seemed to be a little too quiet, too peaceful; as though he couldn’t quite process the weight of what had just happened, what was happening then.

“T-This is i-impossible.” Kakashi finally spoke, his voice as numb and shaky as the rest of him.

Iruka wasn’t sure exactly what he was talking about – there were a lot of things that seemed impossible that day; but as confusion crossed Kakashi’s exhausted expression, Iruka finally saw it, and he couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Y-Your sharingan…” Iruka breathed. All Kakashi could do was nod in silence. Where his steel-blue eye was supposed to be on the right, Kakashi had a sharingan instead.

So many thoughts were running through Iruka’s head – he didn’t know what to think; but one thing did make itself clear. What Iruka had witnessed just hours before hadn’t been because Kakashi’s suicidal tendencies were getting out of hand or because he was having a mental breakdown.

It had been because the sharingan was out of control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going away in a couple of days, for five nights, so I may not have time to upload any more chapters until I return. I will try my best, though, so I don't leave you hanging in suspense for too long.


	10. Part One of WTF Happened?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I’m just as shocked as you guys are as to what is going on with Kakashi, just super dumbfounded, and keep asking myself “wtf did I just write?”. I have completely strayed from my original idea, so even I don’t know exactly what’s coming up next; but I have been thoroughly brainstorming and have a rough plan, so I won’t leave you without answers!
> 
> Btw, I've split this next section into a couple of parts because it's quite long, and if the comments I've received are anything to go by, I'm sure you're all just dying to know what happens next. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“Hatake, can you move?” an ANBU officer asked, squatting down to his level. “We need to get you to the hospital.”

Kakashi nodded, but he made no effort to rise. Normally he was level-headed in difficult and unexpected situations – it’s how he made ANBU captain at such a young age; but this time he couldn’t focus as a shinobi, and he was drifting off into a world of his own. He suddenly felt strong arms hoisting him up, and he soon found himself upright, leaning against Iruka. So warm, so comforting, so… He couldn’t think anymore.

“C’mon Kakashi. Stay awake.” Iruka urged, gently shaking him.

“M’kay…” he mumbled quietly in response.

Kakashi wanted to listen, but he was getting drowsier with every second that went by. He didn’t care if his face was covered in blood, that his eyes were messed up, or that he had unexplained injuries; he just wanted to close his eyes and sink into the blanket of sleep that was calling out for him. Kakashi’s vision became blurred with every step he took, as the sharingan sapped the last of his energy, and he soon fell unconscious, trusting that the ANBU and Iruka would get him to the hospital without issue.

When they arrived, Kakashi was taken to a private room, and a team of medics began checking his vitals immediately. His chakra levels were extremely low, and he had gone into hypovolemic shock due to all the blood he’d lost that day. Although the ANBU medic had healed the majority of his injuries, Kakashi still had third degree burns along his arms that were too complicated for just one person to deal with. The team of medics working on Kakashi were able to deal with those problems easily, but Iruka was still concerned – he didn’t miss the silent messages being passed between the medics through their troubled glances. Something else was wrong; and Iruka was sure it had to do with his only other notable problem – his eyes. Still, the medics kept working on what they could; and after what seemed like hours, Kakashi was finally in a stable condition, sleeping soundly in the hospital bed.

Little did he know that that was going to change...

\--------------------------------

Kakashi had a secret that only the Uchiha would know. Sometimes when a sharingan user slept, the sharingan would stay awake and active; but with nothing to look at, there was nothing for it to copy or see, so the only thing it could do was look at memories of details and situations it had picked up on before. It happened more often than not to Kakashi, because not being an Uchiha, he was unable to deactivate his eye. He eventually discovered that if he was watching a sharingan memory in his sleep and figured out that’s what it was instead of a dream, he was able to use the eye and manually find other memories to study rather than the one in front of him. He didn’t know how to stop seeing the memories in his sleep, so having the sharingan work on its own usually meant Kakashi would be tired and could barely function the next day - one of the reasons he was late to everything; but this time he was particularly grateful for this unknown feature of the eye, because it meant he could finally see what had happened to him.

When Kakashi had woken that morning, he had been particularly calm, simply working through his morning routine as though it was a normal day. He peeled his sheets away and got out of bed, making sure to fix the bed up before leaving the room. He made himself a cup of coffee, and slowly started doing things as the caffeine woke him up. It had been a generally normal morning, Kakashi noted, besides the fact that he was seeing it with the sharingan, which meant he had never covered it and had been using it from the moment he woke. Something else felt strange, too… After the night he had spent waiting for Iruka to arrive, he should have been hurting, feeling lonely and lost, overthinking things; but instead he had been acting like nothing was wrong, like it was an average day.

Kakashi frowned in confusion as he walked to his front door. The sharingan memories didn’t tell the user what they had been thinking at the time, just showed how they had been feeling and what they had been doing; so Kakashi had no idea what to expect. It was strange re-experiencing a memory and not knowing what was going to happen. Before he could reach the door, an ANBU officer appeared in front of him, blocking the entry.

“Yo.”

“What are you doing, Hatake?” It was the woman he had guessed the name of a few days earlier – Mika.  

“Going for a walk.”

“No, you’re not. The Hokage has not granted you permission to freely roam the village.” She reprimanded. “Stay inside.”

“Mah, don’t be like that, ANBU-san.” Kakashi pouted, trying to sidestep around her.

Although Mika’s face was hidden behind an animal mask – hers was a bear, the sharingan could still see through the slits and read her eyes. She was focussed on him, determined to not let him pass, but it wasn’t just because that was her job. Mika had picked up on something in Kakashi’s demeanour that she was used to seeing in other ANBU members, something that indicated he was dangerous and on the verge of losing control. She was nervous because blocking Kakashi from leaving could make him snap, but at the same time, she preferred that if he lost control it in his own house, where the rest of her team would be waiting as back up to stop him. Although Mika was stopping Kakashi from leaving because those were her orders, she was also doing it so he didn’t end up doing anything he would regret when he returned to normal. She was being irrational, though, Kakashi decided, – he only wanted to go for a walk.

“I’ll only be quick.” He said, reaching for the doorknob.

“Hatake! Get back, before I have to make you.” she warned with a growl, grasping his outstretched wrist, squeezing tightly. “You don’t have the freedom you had before.”

Kakashi could practically feel his thoughts after Mika said that. He had been dejected and reminded of everything he had wanted to forget; how he had failed to keep his original team mates safe, how everyone he got close to just got taken away from him, how he traumatised Kurenai’s team when he hadn’t even been able to kill himself properly, and how the one night he had really needed his company, Iruka hadn’t been there. He had become a broken, emotional wreck; and his sharingan had begun to throb like it understood and reflected his pain.

His memory clearly showed a disturbance in his chakra, like it was reflecting his instability; and at the same time, the sharingan became the dominating force to Kakashi’s willpower. It heightened his emotions, and Kakashi felt himself becoming uncontrollably angry - if Mika hadn't said those words, than he wouldn't have been reminded of any of that. Regardless, he didn’t want to lash out and go on a rampage like the sharingan was encouraging; so he had to do everything he could to resist its power.

“Stay away!” he yelled, suddenly jumping away from Mika. He felt like he was going to explode.

“What is it?” she tensed up, fully alert and ready for anything.

“Just… Stay back. Something’s coming!” He couldn’t explain it, but he had a feeling someone would get hurt if they got too close to him - like the sharingan was angry at him for rejecting its offer.

“Argh!” Kakashi clutched his head as a burning pain began to intensify, and he stumbled back further, becoming dizzier with every passing second.

“Medic!” Mika yelled urgently. She didn’t know what was going on, just that Kakashi was suffering, and clearly needed help.

Another ANBU operative suddenly appeared, and hurried over to Kakashi to help him. The pain thickened and spread throughout Kakashi’s whole body as some sort of pressure built up in his chest, cracking his ribs and crushing his heart; and he let out an agonised roar.

When he screamed, the dense pressure exploded, forcing Kakashi’s chakra out of all the points on his body; and the blast threw Kakashi backwards, cracking open the chakra detaining bracelet he was wearing. Mika was slammed into his front door, the force splintering the wood and winding her. His chakra was out of control, coating his figure in a blue aura as it continued to leak from his frame, maintaining its strength; and Kakashi felt sickened and weak as he watched the sharingan memory and saw the sparks crackling along his forearms. _No, no, no… Anything but that! Please, no; not again!_ A chidori was coming, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Kakashi watched in horror as the electricity ruptured his skin and snaked its way up along his arm. His chidori attack was shooting out from both hands, getting stronger with every second that passed on by - something he had never seen before. He felt an immense amount of uncontrollable anger taking over, and he hadn't known how to stop it in the memory. Kakashi didn't want to use his chidori, but he couldn't stop it. He was fighting a battle against himself to protect those around him, but he was losing as his willpower continued to slip away.

“Hatake, what is going on?” the ANBU medic asked urgently, taking a step forward.

“G-Get back.” Kakashi gritted his teeth. “I... I can't control...”

Kakashi's arms burned. His body burned. Even his head felt like molten lava was oozing through it. He couldn't think as the pain scorched through him, he couldn't focus; and felt himself slipping into the darkness again. All the good was being sapped out of him, and he only knew himself to be a demon; a creature of evil that needed to be banished, to be taken away. He was too dangerous to be alive; and he knew what he needed to do.

Without hesitation, he closed his eyes and drove one of his powerful fists into his own chest. If he couldn't stop the chidori, if he was only going to hurt the others around him, then the only option was to take himself out with the attack. Kakashi was prepared for the strike, for the chidori to melt into his skin and leave a gaping hole behind; he was ready for the pain, ready to suffer, ready to die; but nothing came. The static chirping sound of electricity was still there, and it wasn't mauling into him, but he still felt the familiar wetness of blood, guts, and crumbled bone sloshing around his arm. When he opened his eyes, Kakashi's stomach dropped, and he was sure he was going to vomit.

“N-No... This can't be happening! Not again!” Kakashi felt powerless - he'd been stopped for a second time; and this time, he had surely killed someone in the process.

One of the ANBU officers had lunged towards him in the midst of the attack to save him, and had taken the blow, themselves. Although Kakashi's fist had gone straight through their torso, the force of the chidori was powerful enough to shatter the ANBU’s mask. The man behind it, a familiar face, had not the same traumatised expression as Hinata; but a smile, instead.

“Thank goodness I got to you in time.” The man coughed as tears glistened in his eyes. “I got to save you, senpai.”

“No! Tenzou!” Kakashi shrieked as Tenzou slumped into him.

Kakashi was living a nightmare. He hadn't meant to hurt him, hadn't meant to hurt anyone; but there Tenzou was, dying in his living room, all because of him. It was his fault – _everything_ was. He couldn't do anything right. Kakashi didn't want to see anymore of the sharingan memory – he couldn't face it. He didn't want to see the monster he had become. But no matter how hard he tried to escape the memory, he couldn't look away. He couldn't wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Kakashi, and poor Tenzou - they both need a break :( But I do wonder if Kakashi just came to his own conclusions about what he saw in the end... o.O


	11. Part Two of WTF Happened?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait. After I got back from my trip, I had a couple of deadlines for some other projects of mine, and had to work on those before I could get back into this fic. Enjoy!

Kakashi cradled Tenzou’s limp body in his arms, and his vision became blurred as tears welled in his eyes. It was Rin all over again. It was another name on the memorial stone because of him; another comrade dead because of him; another friend lost because of him. Kakashi hadn’t been able to protect anyone important to him. He was worthless - worse than scum, and he deserved to die. So why was he cursed to outlive those who had better reasons to, who _needed_ to survive?

His feelings were resurfacing, blocking his throat, choking him; and Kakashi swallowed hard, forcing them away – he wouldn’t break down, he wouldn’t cry. There was no way Tenzou would die that easily… Right? He was still alive, _had_ to be. But the body in his hands, so still, so heavy, so silent… It didn’t _feel_ like Tenzou survived. Kakashi shook his head as the first tear threatened to fall, and gripped his friend tighter, as though willpower alone would bring him back; but the gaping hole in Tenzou’s torso remained.

“Please…” Kakashi begged, his voice quiet and shaky. “Please fix him.”

“Hatake, he’s…” the ANBU medic faltered.

“No, he's not.” he growled menacingly. “Just try.”

He wasn’t going to give up on Tenzou just yet – he _couldn’t_. It was dangerous to hold onto hope, but it was the only thing keeping grief from destroying the last of Kakashi’s sanity. When Tenzou was gently placed on the ground, the ANBU medic got to work, choosing to follow his orders. The officer was silent for a moment as he checked his patient, but it wasn't long before he stopped, shaking his head in defeat.

“I can’t feel a pulse.” the medic spoke solemnly. “There’s nothing I can do.”

“N-No, there has to be!” Kakashi’s voice wavered. “ _Please,_ just… Don’t give up on him. There has to be _something_ you can do. He has to be alive!”

When the medic made no effort to move, getting his point across, Kakashi sunk to the floor as his body trembled wildly and his knees gave way. Tears prickled over his eyes, completely disrupting his vision; and no matter how hard he tried to swallow his emotions and all the pain, no matter how hard he squeezed his fists to keep himself together, he couldn’t stop the first of his tears from falling. And even though there were people around him, Kakashi had never felt more alone.

Loneliness and grief had dragged Kakashi further into the depths of darkness; and this time, as the world faded from existence, so did all the colours it held. He felt like he was in a nightmarish genjutsu that was tormenting him with projections of his inner-most fears; and as he descended further into the empty void, over the greyscale world around him, there was a layer of crimson splatter wherever he looked, as though a bloodied filter was lining his vision. While watching the memory, Kakashi recognised the same strange pressure and wetness in his sharingan as before, alongside the burning sensation before his chidori attack; and felt his stomach drop. It was going to happen again.

“Y-You have to get away from me...” Kakashi stammered. “I don’t know what’s happening to me.”

“Is it the same thing as before?” the ANBU medic asked. All he could do was nod in response.

“Tori, go get Umino.” The medic ordered urgently.

“No, what are you thinking?! Please just get away – _all_ of you!" Kakashi begged. "I don’t want to kill anyone else, but I can’t control anything.”

“I have to agree with Hatake about getting Umino. It’s dangerous here, and we can’t risk him getting hurt, too.” the bird-masked ANBU commented.

“Just do it!" the medic snapped. "I may have figured out how to stop all this, but we need Umino. _Now._ ”

“No, don’t!” Kakashi exclaimed, reaching out to the bird ANBU, who disappeared in an instant, hoping he could get to Iruka in time, and that the medic knew what he was doing.

“W-What have you done? What are you doing to me?” Kakashi trembled as a molten pressure began to build once more. He didn’t want to see Iruka; he _couldn’t._ Not while he was out of control.

\-----------------------------

“What is it? Have you figured out what is going on?” Iruka asked Tsunade when she mumbled something to herself.

"Iruka, what did I say about asking me every few minutes?" she scolded. "I'm going to send you out if you ask me again."

"S-Sorry, Tsunade-sama."

It had been almost twenty minutes since the other medics had finished with Kakashi, and Tsunade was still examining him, as though she was running through a thorough checklist. Every time she frowned, sighed, or tsked, Iruka had become even more anxious; and although he was trying to be patient - it was usually one of his better traits, he hadn't been able to stop asking about Kakashi. He was worried. If the best medic in the village, one of the legendary Sannin, was having trouble, then Kakashi's condition couldn't be good. Finally, what felt like an eternity later, but was only a couple of minutes after Iruka had been told off, Tsunade sighed.

“I can't find any problems that haven’t been dealt with, but Kakashi is very unresponsive - almost like he has gone into a coma. I will need to bring a Hyuuga in to find out what's going on. Hinata is available right now, if I remember rightly.”

Iruka's breath caught in his throat. Hinata was the first person to see Kakashi in his living room not even two weeks ago – she was the one who found him; and she had been traumatised. Kiba and Shino were also troubled from the incident, but it seemed to have hit her the hardest. Iruka was still protective of his ex-students, and the thought of Hinata having to get involved made his blood boil.

“With all due respect, Hokage-sama, please don't bring Hinata into this. She doesn't deserve all this on top of what she’s already seen.”

“I know...” Tsunade responded pensively, pursing her lips. “But with no one else from the Hyuuga clan available, we have no choice.”

“Tsunade-sama! She –”

“Hyuuga Hinata is a chuunin now – she is no longer a child.” she interrupted sternly. “And as a shinobi, there are certain things she must do and learn to cope with. This is just one of them.”

“You’re right.” Iruka sighed, remembering a similar argument with Kakashi when Konoha had hosted the Chuunin exams a couple of years prior. “Naruto and his friends are all grown now; but even so, I still think of them as kids, and I can’t help but worry about them.”

“They are all fine shinobi who have the will of fire burning fiercely inside of them – you should have a little more faith.” Tsunade commented fondly. “I’ve placed my bets on this generation of shinobi, and I still haven’t lost.”

As Tsunade walked out of the room, Iruka found himself smiling. As much as he worried about all his ex-students, he did notice how far they had come since graduating from the academy, and he was proud of them. He wasn’t a betting man, but he too, had placed all his money on Naruto’s generation – those shinobi were going to change the world.

“Oh, Iruka,” Tsunade called when she reached the doorway, “if Kakashi wakes up, please tell someone to get me immediately.”

“Hai.”

When Tsunade was gone, Iruka moved his chair over to the bed and sat by Kakashi’s side, watching him sleep. He was a sickly pale, even after being healed into a stable condition, and had bandages along his arms where the chidori’s electricity burned into him. The blood had been cleared of his face and body, and the only evidence that he had been bleeding to begin with was the dried stains on Iruka’s uniform from the aftermath of the day’s events. Kakashi looked like he hadn't slept in weeks, and even in the hospital seemed to have drifted into a restless state. His face was scrunched into a small frown; and without a mask hiding Kakashi's expression, Iruka could see the corner of his mouth occasionally twitch like he was flinching at something.

Kakashi whimpered, and Iruka grabbed his hand and gently caressed it, running circles across the cool, pale skin with his thumb. He had heard once that when people were unresponsive, their subconscious did actually pick up what was happening in reality, and something as simple as talking could change the person's mental state and, particularly in hospitals, affected how their healing progressed. Iruka hoped that their connected hands would remind Kakashi that he was not alone, that he had a reason to keep fighting; and that he had someone waiting to take him home.

Iruka wasn't going to leave Kakashi's side.


	12. Part Three of WTF Happened?!

When Hinata entered the hospital room with Tsunade, Iruka was stunned. His ex-student didn’t look timid or fragile, like she could break at any moment; nor did she look like a sweet and naïve child. Hinata had sharp, determined eyes, and walked with purpose, so sure of herself. Power radiated from her, giving Iruka goosebumps – he never knew she had such a strong composition; and her expression said that she was a shinobi who would let nothing get in her way. It was as though she had no troubles at all, and had never even found Kakashi to begin with.

“Hinata…” Iruka breathed, taken aback. “How are you doing? Are you…?” he trailed off, suddenly lost for words.

“I’m fine, Iruka-sensei. You don’t need to worry about me.” Hinata smiled warmly.

Her eyes were as honest as her smile – Hinata definitely wasn’t lying to him; but Iruka still couldn’t believe it. He’d heard from Kurenai that she had been so distraught after finding Kakashi that she was taken off the last mission her team was assigned, and had even tried to skip training; yet now, not even two weeks later, Hinata was as strong as she had ever been, holding her head up high.

“It is true that I had trouble before,” she began, walking over to Kakashi’s bed, “but everyone is doing their best to catch up to Naruto, and I don’t want to be the only one left behind. I can’t let this hold me back from standing by his, and everyone else’s side.”

Iruka admired Hinata’s tenacity. She had finally found her place in the world after years of hiding in the shadows, silently observing; and now, standing there with strong conviction, Hinata was blooming like never before. She was really becoming a courageous shinobi.

“Thank you for coming in, Hinata.” Tsunade said. “Kakashi’s condition is very… unusual; so I need you to study him carefully and tell me everything you see. I am particularly concerned about his eyes and the cause of his haywire chakra, so please let me know if you can identify the problem.”

“Hai.” Hinata set up her byakugan, and everything she was looking at changed, becoming more transparent.

Kakashi’s body seemed normal – his chakra was flowing evenly along his pathways, nothing was blocked, and he wasn’t low on it. That was the first unusual thing. Normally it was a good thing to see, but from what Hinata had heard, it sounded like he used up a lot of chakra at his house – more than enough to completely drain any ordinary shinobi. Hinata frowned when her eyes drifted to his head and she saw another peculiarity.

“What’s wrong?” Iruka asked, noticing her confusion immediately.

“The chakra flowing through Kakashi’s head is different.”

“Haah? What do you mean?” Tsunade asked, scrunching up her face.

“It is working against the rest of his chakra, almost as if it is fighting it.”

Hinata ignored Tsunade’s confused brainstorming, and looked closer at the chakra. It was flowing in the opposite direction of the rest of Kakashi’s chakra, and the flow that had collided with the regular path seemed to be pushing it back. She was sure that it had just moved another millimetre towards Kakashi’s torso, like it was spreading and trying to take over the rest of his body. Hinata traced the chakra in Kakashi’s head, weaving around the path like a maze, and realised she was staring at his left eye.

“T-Tsunade-sama, I think that chakra is coming from Kakashi’s sharingan.”

“His actual sharingan? What about his other eye?”

Hinata scanned his other eye and studied it closely. At first glance, it looked like it had the same strange chakra as the rest of his head, but along the optic nerve, there was a small section trying to follow Kakashi’s natural flow, as though the rest of the chakra in his head didn’t belong; like it wasn’t even his.

“Well?” Tsunade prompted, her curiosity making her impatient. She really wished that she had her own Hyuuga eye so she could see exactly what Hinata was looking at.

“His other eye has a little bit of his natural chakra flow, but it looks like this sharingan one is trying to take over.”

“Take over? Like an infection? What’s happening to his normal chakra?”

“I don’t know, Tsunade-sama. It looks like it is changing when it comes into contact with the other flow, but it could also just be getting pushed and stored away.”

“God-damn, you’re making it sound like he’s a jinchuuriki!” Tsunade exclaimed in disbelief.

“I wonder what is causing this…” Iruka mused, studying Kakashi with a concerned frown. Hinata gasped, watching the odd chakra closely.

“What is it, Hinata?” Tsunade asked urgently.

“The foreign chakra just suddenly started to build up, like it’s reacting to something.”

\--------------------------------------------

Time was surreal to Kakashi. When his whole life was spiralling down into devastation, there was no reason to keep track of how many seconds, minutes, or hours had passed. It could have been anywhere from three minutes to thirty minutes before Tori returned with Iruka; and Kakashi wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference in time – the only thing on his mind was trying to find a way to control the demon within so he didn’t kill anyone else. Tenzou was one too many. He didn’t deserve to die – he had so much to live for, so much to learn about, and so much left to experience. His childhood had been taken away from him, and he’d missed a lot of things; and now, Kakashi had just taken away his adulthood, too. Why was it always Tenzou who suffered?

Kakashi couldn’t tear his eyes away from his friend. With the sharingan active, he took in every little detail, searching for a sign of life; but no matter how hard he searched, Tenzou remained still – even his blood had stopped flowing from his wound. There was no mistaking that he was dead.

“What have I done?” Kakashi whispered in defeat.

When he clenched his fists, the first sparks of Kakashi’s chidori leaked through, illuminating the darkness that surrounded him, whispering sweet nothings, encouraging him to find his way out; but Kakashi ignored every temptation, letting the lightning brand his skin. He didn’t care how badly the chidori damaged him, he still refused to use it for anything; especially since it was the very reason he was trapped in the dark abyss in the first place. Was that why it had come out again, anyway? To taunt him? To remind him that no one was safe around him? To remind him of the monster he really was?

“K-Kakashi?” a familiar voice called out tentatively.

Although the voice was soft and gentle, it hit Kakashi hard; snapping him out of his trance and making him turn towards it. Watching the memory, he could feel a million thoughts were running through his head, and knew that most of them would have been telling him to run and isolate himself from everyone until he was no longer a danger to Konoha, however that may happen; but when his gaze reached the face of the man whom that voice belonged to, everything was silenced both in the memory and the present.

Iruka was very pale, as though he had seen a ghost; and his usual composed demeanour had been replaced with something more wild and frantic. When their eyes met, Iruka terrified expression changed to relief, although there was a constricted worry layered behind his eyes. Whatever the ANBU had told Iruka to get him there had clearly shaken him.

"Thank goodness you're still alive." Iruka breathed.

"I shouldn't be." Kakashi muttered. "I don't deserve to be."

"Don't say that!" Iruka cried out, stepping closer.

“S-Stay away from me!” Kakashi panicked, leaping back. “You don't know what I'm capable of, what I did.”

As a flood of chakra leaked from his chakra points, the electricity in Kakashi’s chidori intensified, tearing through his uniform and cutting into his skin. His own attack would destroy him if he didn’t release it or find a way to take control of and tame his chakra. He would drive it into himself like he tried to before, but his mistake was still fresh in his mind – Tenzou’s body was still fresh, too; and he didn’t want to risk Iruka ending up the same way.

"Kakashi, calm down - you're hurting yourself." When Iruka tried to get closer, Kakashi backed away - it was too dangerous for him to be close to anyone.

“Please, just go. I don’t want to hurt you like I hurt _him_.” Kakashi whispered. “He’s gone.”

Kakashi’s vision blurred again, and he found himself biting his trembling bottom lip, trying to keep everything in. If he let go, he was sure everything would just spill out like the disturbed chakra leaking from his body; but holding on was becoming too hard – even the smallest thing would be enough to set him off.

“Kakashi, I-"

“What, Iruka? What are you going to tell me? That you’re sorry? That he’s in a better place now? That it wasn’t my fault? Because let me tell you this.” Kakashi snapped, feeling more tears fall freely from his face. “I don’t need to hear all that. I heard it before, with Rin; and condolences won’t do anything – all the apologies in the world won’t bring him back. I was the one who drove my fist – this electricity into him, and it was my attack that killed him; so it _is_ my fault. I am the reason Tenzou is dead.”

Iruka didn't say anything after the outburst. There was probably a lot that he wanted to say, judging by his expression, but he kept it to himself. Instead, it seemed like he had a different approach on his mind, and ended up backing Kakashi into a corner as he paced forward.

"W-What are you doing? Don't come any closer - it's not safe!" he stammered, looking frantically for an escape route.

Iruka was inching closer, taking slow, steady steps, determined not to take his eyes off Kakashi. He was a few paces away; and a wind created by the power of the chidori and leaking chakra was making Iruka's loose strands of hair blow free and his uniform wobble about. Kakashi's heart was pounding hard as a new wave of adrenaline rushed through him - he was scared, and had no idea what the other man was trying to do. Iruka took another step forward, and the outer sparks of the chidori bit into his skin. He winced, but didn't step away; although he did look scared, too - like he had been questioning what he was doing. Regardless, he didn't stop; as though his body was moving on its own.

Iruka reached forward through the mess of electricity buzzing between Kakashi's arms, and through the scorching chakra that was radiating out of his body. Kakashi stiffened as Iruka continued to reach out, allowing himself to get burnt by his chakra barrier, and his heart thumped even more wildly. Iruka's fingers touched the bottom of Kakashi's jaw, and he gently slid them higher until his whole hand was cupping Kakashi's cheek; leaving Kakashi stunned and unable to look away.

"You keep pushing people away, and it's taking its toll on you." Iruka spoke softly, brushing his thumb across Kakashi's skin to dry a tear. "Why don't you let just one person in?"

"I-Iruka..." Kakashi breathed shakily. He was becoming overwhelmed, and he couldn't think, let alone figure out what to say; so Iruka made the decision for him.

"Let me in, Kakashi; before I force myself in."


	13. Part Four of WTF Happened?!

“The chakra is reacting to something? Where is it most active?” Tsunade asked urgently.

Hinata followed the sharingan’s chakra trail swirling around Kakashi’s head. It was rushing around his pathways three times the speed of his normal chakra and seemed to be spreading further – even the small amount of regular chakra she had seen on his eye had changed. Around Kakashi’s head, the nodes burned brightly, indicating high activity levels; and Hinata came up with a theory based on what she had seen.

“The most active areas on the chakra points connected to Kakashi-sensei’s brain, and the sharingan itself. I could be wrong, but I think maybe the sharingan is showing him something?” Hinata suggested nervously – although she was more confident, she still wasn’t used to expressing her opinion so freely.

“Hmm…” Tsunade frowned, unwrapping the bandage that was over Kakashi’s eyes, re-examining them with the new information and theory circulating in her mind.

The new sharingan that had formed was buzzing around wildly, taking in every detail, like it had a mind of its own; and Kakashi’s left eye was closed. When Tsunade opened it, she saw only the whites of his eye, as it had rolled into the back of his head. Peeking just under his eyelid was a gentle red glow, and Tsunade peeled his eye open as wide as it would go to get a better look at his sharingan. The scarlet eye was flickering back and forth like Kakashi was dreaming, but the glow also indicated that he was actively using his sharingan.

“I believe you’re right, Hinata.” Tsunade said. “His sharingan looks like it’s doing, well, _something_. It’s a shame we don’t have any Uchiha around to get more information from...”

“Well, if we go back to the basics,” Iruka spoke up, “we know that the sharingan is heavily stimulated by emotions, and becomes more complex and powerful under specific conditions; usually some sort of trauma. Now, I can’t say for sure that I know what is going on with Kakashi, but what if this reaction is simply just that? If his sharingan is showing him something and he reacts to it, then perhaps it is also picking up on his reactions to the stimuli because of the activity around his brain.”

“Like he’s dreaming with the sharingan?” Hinata asked curiously.

“That’s an interesting way to put it…” Tsunade said thoughtfully. “But it could explain why Kakashi is unresponsive. Being the sharingan, it wouldn’t surprise me if it’s overriding his brain’s responses to outside stimuli to keep him in the dream.”

“I wonder if that’s why Kakashi-san is often late…” Iruka mused, thinking back to all the times Naruto had complained about Kakashi being late for training.

“Who knows?”

Tsunade sighed heavily. “Just when I think we’re finally getting somewhere, it turns out the one thing we’ve figured out doesn’t seem to have anything to do with his earlier episode…”

With nothing else to contribute, Hinata, Iruka, and Tsunade stopped discussing ideas, and stood in silence, contemplating Kakashi’s condition to themselves. With the Uchiha clan wiped out and Sasuke away from the village, there were no sharingan experts who could confirm their speculations or offer any information; so they were on their own. While Tsunade and Iruka were thinking to themselves, Hinata continued to study Kakashi’s chakra, wanting to be even more helpful.

The chakra around his brain began to glow even brighter, and its flow seemed distorted and chaotic, like it was representing a wild panic. After a few minutes, the chaos began to ease a little, but was still flowing fast; then just like that, the bright glow around the chakra points on Kakashi’s brain softened, and the flow slowed down to the same even pace as his normal chakra, back to resting rate. Barely a minute later, Kakashi suddenly sat upright, heaving for air. He felt very disoriented, and couldn’t comprehend anything except for the one thing that was lingering his mind.

“Tenzou!” he gasped. “Where’s Tenzou?”

\--------------------------------------

_Let me in, Kakashi; before I force myself in._

Iruka’s words lingered in the air, more powerful than the chakra that was oozing out of him or the chidori snaking up his arm; and his touch, that one simple gesture, was enough to change everything. Kakashi had fallen deep into the darkness, so far that he became lost and unable to escape. He had been alone for so long, silently slipping away from existence, giving in to the demons that had sent him to Hell; it had been so long that he was sure the only option for him was death. But a candle had finally appeared, flickering in the depths; and behind it was Iruka, reaching out for him, offering his hand.

The light that radiated from Iruka outshone the lightning in Kakashi’s chidori, and melted the sparks away, leaving only the chakra leaking from his body; and Kakashi felt more subdued, as though the overwhelming power draining his will away had been tamed by Iruka’s presence. The pressure that had been building up inside of him eased as the burst of excess chakra diminished; and in just a few minutes, Kakashi was left only with the burning sensation that had come first; and he didn’t know how to react. It was all over.

“I-It’s gone.” Kakashi trembled in a small, cracked voice, completely overwhelmed.

Iruka closed the gap between them, sliding the hand from Kakashi’s face behind him, weaving his fingers through Kakashi’s hair; and his other arm drifted to his back. The memory began to quickly blur, and Kakashi knew he was falling apart. The emotions stuck in Kakashi's throat, choking him couldn't be held back any longer; and Kakashi dove his head into Iruka’s shoulder, and pulled him closer, squeezing his waist as the first wave of grief hit. The fingers woven into Kakashi’s hair, and the arm around his back tightened in response; and the warmth that spread through Kakashi encouraged him to let go. His body shook heavily as the deep sobs he had been swallowing back finally escaped; and as Iruka gently caressed his back, the tears fell harder than they ever had before, soaking into the uniform his face was buried into.

Kakashi had let so much out that he didn't even know what was making him hurt anymore; just that it was unbearable. His mind was bombarded with thoughts of those he had lost along the way, who had sacrificed themselves for the village and for him, and how many of those deaths were his fault. He was scarred all over, inside at out, and there was nowhere it didn't hurt; but as Kakashi focused on the warmth of the body he had clung to, as he familiarised himself with the calming scent he was breathing in, and as he felt the protectiveness in Iruka's embrace, his shaking slowly eased until finally he was just gripping Iruka in silence.

“Let me take the pain away.” Iruka murmured softly in Kakashi’s ear.

Kakashi felt the hand on his back move higher, until it seemed to rest by his shoulders; and almost pulled back in surprise when he felt a sharp jab in the back of his neck. What had Iruka done to him? The pain was indeed leaving him, but so was his vision; and his world was fading into darkness. The last of his energy had been sapped from him, too, and he was getting drowsier with each second that went by. His grip around Iruka loosened, and he felt himself gently being lowered to the floor. Only one sense remained before Kakashi fell unconscious - his hearing; and he was sure he had just hallucinated the last thing he had heard. He _had_ to have done.

“Medic! Come quickly! It’s Tenzou…” Mika called out urgently. “He’s alive!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, just as I hinted a few chapters ago, Tenzou is not dead! I didn't think it would take this long to get to the reveal, *sigh* but that's what happens when I get distracted...
> 
> On another note, uni starts up again next week, so I may not end up posting chapters as frequently; but that doesn't mean I've forgotten about the story!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter has taken longer than the others! Uni has started up again, and on top of that, I had a house inspection to prepare for - and then I kept on getting ideas for other fics; so basically my mind has been a scrambled mess. 
> 
> But now that it's here... Enjoy!

Tenzou felt strange. His body was so light that he could have sworn he was floating; and he was so relaxed that he was almost lulled to sleep, even though he wasn’t even tired or drowsy to begin with. In fact, he was feeling rather giddy, if anything; like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders and he had just heard good news. Staying in that state was tempting – it was the best he had felt in a while; but being a shinobi, he couldn’t allow himself to enjoy such luxuries for too long – there was always something to be done. And he was ANBU, so the expectations were even higher. The first thing Tenzou had to do was get out of here… But where _was_ here, exactly?

He began looking around, but it wasn't in the same way as he was used to. Instead of using his eyes, it was more like he was making himself more aware of what was around him by reaching out; except he wasn’t moving, either. It was like his conscious had expanded, and tendrils were growing and slithering around to survey the area. Tenzou couldn’t see, nor feel his surroundings – he couldn’t even feel himself, like he had no physical body; but he sensed that he was somewhere, encased in something. Was he in a genjutsu, trapped in his own mind, perhaps? It kind of felt like he had merged in with a nothingness that was inside something, and he had turned the emptiness into something that existed and contained life - it was confusing, but it was also the only way he could interpret his position.

Tenzou didn’t know how long he had been in this state for – he hadn’t had a sense of time since he woke; but he noticed that he had gradually gotten warmer, like he was in a cocoon of warm blankets, snuggled in front of a large crackling fire. He was sure he was experiencing some kind of very chilled out high – he would have to find out what made him so relaxed for later, uh, _not_ recreational purposes (if anybody asked). But whatever it was would also be good on the nights he had trouble sleeping, Tenzou thought.

The toasty warmth seeping into him began to produce its own effects, making him extraordinarily re-energised, like he could do any and everything; and he was in a state of full euphoria. He didn’t ever want to leave the pleasantness of the cocoon – he was content just floating about in the warmth, doing nothing. Tenzou began to daydream, and suddenly an image around him began to form. At first it was just a blur of colour, but then it transformed into a clear picture of a man with long brown hair, wearing a dark uniform with red armour; and tied to his head was a hitai-ate with the Leaf emblem engraved on the metal plate.

“Greetings, fellow Leaf protector.”

The man’s voice boomed from every direction, yet nowhere; like he had spoken without uttering a single syllable. It was very much like a thought, except for the fact that it had spread throughout his entire body instead of solely his mind. Tenzou didn’t recognise the shinobi standing before him, yet he thought he should, because his face, and something about his presence seemed vaguely familiar. So who had he forgotten?

“Forgive me for asking, but who are you?” His own voice seemed to carry the same way, but wasn’t as powerful as the man who had appeared.

“I am Senju Hashirama, the first Hokage.” The shinobi spoke. “My body is long gone, but it seems a part of me lives within you.”

Tenzou had almost forgotten that he had been experimented on when he was little, though he still had memories of being trapped in a tube, and then abandoned to die alone. He later learnt that he had been injected with the First’s DNA; and in the current moment, he wondered if that was why Hashirama’s presence felt so familiar to him.

“I apologise for my ignorance, Hokage-sama.” Tenzou replied, trying to will his body to move into a bow of respect; giving up when nothing seemed to happen.

“That is to be expected of this generation." Hashirama responded kindly. "Now, there isn’t much time before I disappear, so allow me to explain what is going on.”

“Hai, Hokage-sama.” Tenzou answered automatically.

“Simply put, you died and have been given a second chance.”

The First’s words triggered flashbacks of him diving in between Kakashi and his chidori to save him. It had been his first instinct when he saw the sudden determination and resolve in his expression - he just _knew_ what Kakashi had decided. Tenzou couldn’t remember anything after that, and couldn’t recall any pain, so it had to have been quick. Though finding out that he died was concerning – how did Kakashi take it? Did he even get to Kakashi in time? And how long had it been since he had died? What had happened with his body? Tenzou had too many questions flooding his mind; but before he could ask any of them, Hashirama continued to speak.

“There is a secret element to the wood release called the Seed of Life; and as the name suggests, it is a seed that brings a wood user back to life. This is not a reanimation jutsu, but a proper regeneration that only occurs in exceptional wood users who can make the seed sprout. It has been said that plants have an understanding of the environment around them and can tell if they are surrounded by good or bad. I'm sure you would have noticed by now that even if the growing conditions are fine, some seeds just will not grow if they are unhappy where they have been planted. And so, you must have really proven yourself as a great shinobi for the Seed of Life to awaken and thrive within you.”

Tenzou didn’t know what to make of that information. He had never felt that his was great or special or anything just because he had the first Hokage’s wood style – he was just an ordinary shinobi doing his job and what was expected of him, no different to many of his other comrades. But whatever reason the Seed of Life had chosen him, Tenzou was grateful for the opportunity to return to his friends and life in the village.

“Because of the good you have done, you have been given a second chance.” the First said, smiling pleasantly as his body began to flicker and fade. “It seems my time is up now, however, yours is not. Take care of yourself this time, Leaf shinobi. The Seed of Life only blooms once.”

When Hashirama disappeared, the effects Tenzou had experienced also faded away; so when he was alone in his pod once more, he no longer floated, nor did he feel the toasty heat. It was as though he had been on an outer body experience, and had just returned. Tenzou had expected to be in some kind of pain after the blow he had taken, but he was either on some serious painkillers, or the Seed of Life had done more than just save his life; because he felt fine, as though nothing had even happened and he was just waking up from a good night’s sleep. His senses were back to normal, too; and while he didn't have the energy to move or open his eyes just yet, he was able to listen the world around him, as he reflected on his new appreciation for life. It was only a few minutes later that Tenzou heard a commotion nearby; and somehow, that didn't surprise him - for a village full of shinobi, everyone sure could be rowdy.

“I know you want to see him, but he can’t have any visitors right now.”

“But, Tsunade!”

“No buts! He's alive, but he still needs time to recover. You can see him when he wakes up.” Tsunade scolded. “Now, I have somewhere to be. Iruka, you’re in charge. Make sure Kakashi doesn’t leave this room - he is not to go wandering anywhere.”

“Hai, Tsunade-sama.”

“Not fair.” Kakashi pouted.

Tenzou felt a smile creep onto his face, knowing exactly what Kakashi was thinking.

_Don’t worry Senpai, we will see each other soon - I hate hospitals, too.  
_


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is late! First it was just because of uni; but then I got sick for about a week, and my meds really messed me up. Hopefully the next chapter won't take so long!

“Do we really have to do this?” Tsunade asked, looking at the document she had to sign.

“I wish we didn’t have to, either; but we can’t let him off just because we feel sorry for him.” A man spoke softly.

“I know…” she sighed, exhausted from the turn of events. “But I don’t think it’s a good idea. He’s unstable as it is, and I’m worried this is going to make everything worse and we’ll be unable to stop any more episodes. From what I’ve heard, it was only Iruka’s quick thinking to use a chakra pen I gave him that stopped the last one; and even that was incredibly dangerous. We can’t risk anyone approaching Kakashi when he gets like that.”

“Then that’s all the more reason for this – it will be easier to resolve the issue under controlled conditions.” He pointed out.

“I guess you’re right, but…”

“It’ll be for his own good, and the village’s sake, of course.” He persuaded.

“Maybe he’ll get off easy if Tenzou protests it.” Tsunade mused, twirling the pen in her hand.

“Will he, though?”

“Please,” she scoffed, “it sounds like he jumped in front of Kakashi’s chidori to stop him from killing himself; of course he’s going to fight this. That hot-headed academy teacher will, too, I reckon - he hasn’t left Kakashi’s side since the beginning.”

“Then Hatake may have a chance.”

“I just hope he’s luckier than I am, or he’s got no hope.”

“With all due respect, Tsunade-sama,” the man spoke, “everyone has more luck than you.”

“Tch.” She smirked, finally signing the document. “It’s too soon for you to be having a crack at me, kid.”

“I’m thirty, you know.”

“Yep, still a kid.” Tsunade replied, handing over the document. The man shook his head, accepting the paperwork.

“I’ll meet you at the hospital when I finish up at T&I.” He said before teleporting away.

\----------------------------------------

Escaping the hospital was going to be harder than Tenzou thought. He was in one of the inner rooms, which meant there was no window for him to creep out of; and amongst a buzz of wild chakra from medics working along the halls, he detected a subtle calm he would know anywhere – there were ANBU around. It didn’t surprise him that they were guarding the area, since Kakashi was nearby; but he was curious about the officer by his door. He wasn’t in trouble, was he?

“Hello, ANBU-san, may I go in?” A young girl spoke just outside the room. “Tsunade-sama sent me.”

Tenzou didn’t hear the ANBU respond, but when the door began to open, he knew that the officer had let the girl past. A teenager with pink hair tentatively stepped in, surveying the area before her bright eyes landed on his. The girl stood straighter and strode confidently over to Tenzou; and it was only when she was a few paces away that he noticed she was holding a clipboard. It looked like she worked at the hospital and knew her way around, although she was dressed as a shinobi, and had the chakra to be one. Medic, maybe?

“Good afternoon. Tsunade-sama sent me here to change your bandages and check your vitals.” she greeted as Tenzou sat up in bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Good.”

“No one in a hospital bed is ever ‘good’.” the kunoichi replied sceptically. “Please don’t hide anything from me – I’m more capable of assistance than I may look.”

“No, really; I’m perfectly fine.” Tenzou raised his hands as though to surrender. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

That was no word of a lie – Tenzou felt better than he had in ages, and was ready to leave the hospital and get back to work. And more importantly, see if he could visit Kakashi and find out more about what happened – the only thing he knew was that Kakashi was alive; and it was driving him crazy not knowing anything else nor not being able to talk to him.

“That doesn't sound right... I _am_ checking the patient that Kakashi-sensei left critically injured, right?"

"Hai."

"Then how are you okay? Did someone already come in with pain killers?" she interrogated.

“It’s a long story.”

The kunoichi stared deep into Tenzou’s eyes as though they held the answers to all her questions; and just as her gaze was beginning to make him uncomfortable, she finally looked away, putting the clipboard down.

“Alright, then. Let’s get your bandages changed.”

Tenzou studied her expression as she carefully unravelled the cloth from his torso. At first, she was confident, as though she had done this a thousand times; but by the time half of it was gone, she was frowning in confusion like she had never seen a healthy, unscathed body before. He had been mildly surprised, himself, when he first noticed that he was fine; and was impressed to see the kunoichi continue to work away, despite how baffled she became. When the bandages were off, he thought she was done; but after she put the unravelled cloth aside, the girl hovered her hands over his chest and produced the familiar green glow of medical ninjutsu.

“What are you doing? I don’t have any injuries.”

“I know, but I still need to double check." She said firmly, frowning in concentration as she searched for irregularities. After a couple of minutes, she moved her hands away and picked up the clipboard to write something down. "I don't believe this... You were only admitted a couple of days ago, originally thought to be dead; but now you’re… Well, you’ve healed faster than Naruto ever has.”

“Does that mean I can go?” Tenzou asked hopefully.

“Not yet - Tsunade-sama said she wants to talk to you.” the young kunoichi answered, picking up the old bandage to throw away. "It sounded serious."

“Oh, okay.” Tenzou sighed, leaning back in bed.

“I think she's on her way, so you probably won't be stuck here much longer.” She offered. “Is there anything else I can help you with before I leave?”

“You work at the hospital, right?” he confirmed.

“For now. I’m training to be a medic.” The girl smiled. “I’m Tsunade-sama’s apprentice, Haruno Sakura.” 

"That's nice. A hospital is a great place to practice medical ninjutsu." he commented.

"Hai. I spend most of my time here."

“Well since you're around a lot, would you happen to know why there’s an ANBU guard outside my room?”

“It’s for your protection.” A deep voice stated.

Sakura let out a startled squeak, and turned to face the door just as a tall man in a large black coat strode in. His whole presence oozed serious authority, and Sakura moved out of the way as the battle-hardened shinobi approached the bed, studying Tenzou with an unnerving expression that stretched across his scarred face. Following behind was Tsunade, looking almost as serious as the man, her face sculpted into a conflicted expression.

“Morino Ibiki, Head of the Torture and Investigation Force.” He greeted, stopping a couple of paces away from the bed, his figure looming over Tenzou. “I’m here to speak to you about Hatake Kakashi."

"What about? Is he okay?" Tenzou asked, his eyes darting from Ibiki's to Tsunade's and back again as he suddenly became overwhelmed with dread. He had a feeling it wouldn't be good news.

"Well, Kakashi... He..." Tsunade began, feeling like she should answer the question, herself. But as she struggled to find the words, Ibiki got impatient and filled the tense silence with damning words.

"Hatake is being charged with attempted homicide, and I hear that you were the victim. Would you be willing to come back to T&I with me to record your statement?”


	16. Chapter 16

“Why can’t I leave yet?” Kakashi whined. “I feel fine.”

“I’d like to go home, too, Kakashi, but there’s a reason the ANBU guards were instructed to make sure we don’t leave. We just have to trust Tsunade-sama's orders.”

Even though Iruka said that, he couldn’t help but feel uneasy. The hospital was quiet. Too quiet… He couldn’t help but feel like he was in the eye of a hurricane, waiting in the calm before the storm; and if his intuition was as accurate as the day he got called away from the academy, whatever it was couldn’t be good. With a nagging urge to investigate, Iruka closed his eyes in concentration, focussing on his surroundings.

“What are you doing?” Kakashi asked curiously.

Iruka cleared his mind as though meditating, honing in on his senses. His hearing was the first to strengthen, and he clearly heard his heart beating, and blood gently trickling through his body. As he extended his hearing even further, he heard Kakashi’s heart beating next to him, slow and steady; and an image of Kakashi watching him while he sat in bed appeared in his mind. Iruka needed to go even deeper, and stretched his senses even further. He ignored the beating hearts of the ANBU officers standing guard outside the door, but processed their exact locations in his mind, searching even further, still. He didn’t know what he was looking for, but his instincts were urging him to survey the area, so he was careful to study everything he detected.

Kakashi kept quiet when Iruka didn’t answer him right away, and simply observed, taking in every detail with his sharingan. The one that had appeared on his normal eye was like his usual sharingan; but the one on his left wasn't doing anything at all, and he couldn't even see anything from it. Although Kakashi had no idea what was going on, he did suspect that the reason he had gone blind in his left eye was something to do with the bubbling and bleeding from the eye socket back at his house, right before being taken to the hospital.

Before long, Iruka had a sonar map of the whole area, and the positions of every person within the hospital grounds; and he saw immediately that something was off. The hospital was relatively busy all around, and some areas seemed particularly crowded, as he had expected; but on their wing, there were significantly less patients, and just one other patient on their floor. If it’s so busy that there are crowded areas, why was their side barely being used?

There was a cluster of people around the other patient’s room on their floor – five, he had sensed; two inside, and three outside; and he honed in on the area, believing it to be out of the ordinary. Iruka’s face scrunched up even more as he furthered his concentration – he hadn’t used his echolocation technique in a while and was struggling a little; and filtered through the sounds nearby until a muffled hum became recognisable words.

“Does that mean I can go?” the patient, a man, asked hopefully.

“Not yet - Tsunade-sama said she wants to talk to you. It sounded serious."

Iruka sat up straight as he listened in, focussing on making the conversation clearer – that was Sakura. It seemed like she was just having a light chat with the patient, so he shifted his attention to the room in general, and heard the door open. His sonar imagery also saw two of the people outside enter.

“It’s for your protection.” Iruka tuned into the conversation again - if Ibiki was around, something was definitely wrong.

Kakashi was bursting with curiosity, and it took everything in him not to disturb Iruka’s concentration and ask him what he was doing again; especially when he suddenly snapped to attention, like something had just happened. He sensed a shift in Iruka, as though he was anxious about something; and tension seemed to build in the room as Iruka’s frown deepened. Kakashi hoped he finished soon, because he was eager to find out what it was.

“What the hell?! They can’t do that!” Iruka exploded not even a minute later, his eyes filled with a rage Kakashi had never seen before.

“Hn? What’s going on?” Kakashi asked, feeling anxiety brewing as he watched Iruka begin to pace, his hands balled into fists.

“Tsunade-sama, Ibiki-san… I can’t believe they would just –!” Iruka’s hands flew to his head, gripping his hair as he let out a frustrated growl. Kakashi had to admit was a little nervous – he had never seen Iruka so worked up before; and he wondered what had made him so upset.

“I can’t stand around here and do nothing...” Iruka said to himself, heading towards the door. “Sorry, Kakashi. I’ll be back soon.”

“Wait, where are you going?” Kakashi asked in alarm, pulling his sheets aside, ready to jump off the bed and go after him - he had a bad feeling Iruka was going to do something he would regret.

“I'm going to stop you from getting arrested.”

\---------------------

“W-What? Why is this happening? I never agreed to press charges; and I don’t want to, either.” Tenzou asked, feeling lost.

“It is a Hokage-enforced arrest that I requested.” Ibiki stated matter-of-factly. “No matter how you look at it, Hatake is a danger to Konoha; and while we don’t know what is going on with him, he needs to be monitored in a secure place where he cannot harm others.”

“But you can’t charge him for attempted homicide! That’ll go on his record; and that's not what happened!” Tenzou exclaimed in alarm - a charge like that was serious and could really mess up the rest of Kakashi's life.

“What do you mean?” Tsunade asked with piqued interest. Tenzou was the only person she hadn’t heard from since the incident.

“Kakashi was going to use that chidori to kill himself – it was a split second decision; and I teleported there to block the attack and save him.”

“That’s certainly going to make things interesting…” Tsunade mused.

"What do you mean?" Tenzou asked.

“Well, since the statements we have from the ANBU say that Hatake's attack injured you so critically that they were sure he had killed you, and there is evidence to support these claims, we must take immediate action." Ibiki informed. "But if you come with me back to T&I and make your statement, we can leave the case open for further investigation, which may give Hatake a chance.”

“O-Okay. Let’s do that, then.” Tenzou would do anything he could to set the story straight.

A loud crash nearby ended the discussion, and everyone in the room tensed up, exchanging troubled glances. Sakura was the first to reach the door to investigate, when a deep thud rippled through the walls, and aggravated grunts echoed down the hallway.

“Is that Kakashi?” Tsunade asked urgently.

“N-No.” Sakura stammered, her face becoming pale as she peeked from the doorway. “It’s Iruka-sensei, and... ANBU.”

"What?!"

“Damn it, Umino!” Ibiki cursed, stalking out of the room. Although she was scared, Sakura tentatively followed him out, hoping to be able to help in some way.

“No, you stay here.” Tsunade ordered, placing a hand on her shoulder. “This could get messy.”

 _Could?_ , Sakura wondered apprehensively.

From what she had seen, it already was.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of deadlines for uni and other projects, so it took me a little longer than I was hoping to get this chapter done. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Iruka didn’t know why he did it. Actually, that was a lie. He did it because he needed to, and didn’t care what happened to him. Because Kakashi was about to get arrested for attempted homicide; because the Hokage was just going to abandon Kakashi when he needed support the most; because he was sure he the only one who could fix this; and because arguing with the ANBU would get him nowhere. That was why, when the guards blocked the exit, he used force to get past. He was on a mission to help Kakashi, and there was nothing that would stop him from reaching his goal.

The door slammed open, and the ANBU guards whipped around to face the entrance, reflexively drawing their weapons, preparing to strike. Iruka stormed forward, reaching for a kunai; and an ANBU with a canine-shaped mask struck their katana down, blocking the path. Iruka swung his kunai out, connecting with the ANBU’s longer blade before the strike was complete; and thrust it out of his way as the weapons scraped along each other. The defender, Inu, reached out with a free hand, gripping hold of Iruka’s arm to detain him; and he spun around, aiming a chakra-strengthened fist at the ANBU’s mask in retaliation. With a loud _crack_ on contact, Inu stumbled back from the force, releasing Iruka; and before the other in the bird mask - Tori, he remembered, could grab him, Iruka barged past.

Tori flicked through a series of hand signs; and the wind began to pick up around Iruka, swirling forcefully. It whipped at him in warning, stinging with every touch, forcing him to take a step back; but when Iruka moved back, the wind lashed at him there, too. He was caught in a barricade jutsu. Iruka knew he was outmatched against the ANBU – it was silly to think he could just march past them when they had orders to keep him there with Kakashi; but the adrenaline and anger pumping through his veins pushed him on; and Iruka quickly wove his hands into various signs, preparing the best jutsu he could think of to disspell the blockage.

“Iruka, stop! You’ll damage the building with that!”

The moment Iruka pulled the kunai from his pouch, Kakashi had jumped from the hospital bed. Iruka had let his emotions take over – one thing a shinobi should never do; and as a result, he had become reckless. Kakashi wanted to stop him before he did something he would later regret; but just after he passed the doorway, Inu, having quickly recovered from being hit, moved to block him, instead. Kakashi didn’t want to cause any trouble, so he stayed put... Until the sharingan caught Iruka weaving the signs for a fire jutsu to counter the wind defence.

Iruka heard Kakashi’s cry a moment too late, and a flurry of small fireballs ignited, growing as they ate the wind barricade, until instead, a wall of fire blazed around him, making the floor tremble in its heatwave. Its flames reached out, nibbling at him as it destroyed the wind jutsu; and Iruka channelled his chakra to weaken his attack – it was too late to stop damage to the hospital, but he could limit how much damage it took.

The hallway was still heavily shrouded in smoke after the fire died; and before Iruka could do anything, a heavy body had slammed into him, and they fell to the floor. He reflexively reached his arms up to push the ANBU guard away, fighting to overcome his opponent; but instead of his hands landing on uniform, he felt a different material, something softer and thinner that clearly wasn’t ANBU. The split second distraction was enough for the person on top of him to grab his wrists and pin them down on either side of his face; and when Iruka finally looked at who it was, he stopped struggling as irrationality left him and his usual calm returned. He couldn’t stay angry while Kakashi was looking at him like that.

“Iruka, I...” Kakashi trailed off, distracted by Iruka’s sudden change of expression.

He had been enraged, and his eyes were wild and fiery; but the moment he recognised who was there, Iruka’s face had softened to a gentle endearment; and his chakra had settled, too, as though Kakashi had tamed it. Iruka’s gaze was enchanting; his exploring eyes studying him thoroughly, like he had a sharingan of his own. Kakashi subconsciously loosened his grip around Iruka’s wrists, but held his position; noticing, as they watched each other in silence, the tinge of blush that had crept to Iruka’s cheeks. Kakashi cocked his head to the side curiously, and Iruka quickly glanced away, his blush becoming deeper; making Kakashi want nothing more than to find out what he was thinking about.

Ever since Iruka discovered Kakashi was the one on top of him, he couldn’t stop thinking about how close their faces were, or how warm and comfortable it felt to have Kakashi’s body pressed against his; even if the only reason they were like that in the first place was to stop him from acting recklessly. His heart fluttered wildly, this time a different beat to the adrenaline from his battle; and being hyper-aware of the intimate distance between them made Iruka light-headed and weak. Kakashi had complete control over him; and despite everything, there was a part of Iruka that wished he would lean in just that little bit further.

Kakashi felt a dark shadow looming over him, as well as eyes burning through the back of his head, making his skin crawl. Turning around, he saw the silhouette of a tall man in a trench coat pacing forward, each step booming across the hallway. Even without the sharingan, Kakashi would have known who it was immediately – there was no one more unsettling than Ibiki. Especially when he was working.

Kakashi let go of Iruka and stood, reaching out to help him up. Iruka took his hand with a dazed smile, and hoisted himself up, brushing at the soot that had settled on his uniform. Tori and Inu appeared behind them; and from the corner of his eye, Iruka saw the bird-masked ANBU grab Kakashi’s arms and cuff them behind him. At the same time, Iruka's arms were pulled to his back, too; and the unmistakable coolness of metal caressed his skin, becoming more secure with every click, until it completely circled his wrists. He looked up to gauge Ibiki’s expression; and the deadly leer confirmed that he was serious about this.

“Umino. Hatake isn’t the only one getting arrested today.” Ibiki stated authoritatively, assessing the smoky scene. His gaze landed on Inu, and he raised his eyebrows in surprise when he noticed a crack in the ANBU’s mask. A dark expression crossed his eyes when he looked back at Iruka.

“You can tell me what happened when we get to T&I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh! o.O


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like it's been a while since I last posted a chapter. I haven't given up or anything, I've just had a lot on my mind lately; and as much as I’ve wanted to, I just haven’t been able to write. I’m getting back into the rhythm of things now, though; so hopefully I’ll be able to post more regularly again. 
> 
> Thank you for your patience :)

Although the ANBU convoy and the detained was silent, the trip back to the Intelligence Division building was not. On the walk through the village, the group attracted a lot of attention; many people curious, first because there were ANBU around, but then because the prisoners were Leaf shinobi that many never would have thought would ever get arrested. If they hadn’t seen it for themselves, they never would have believed it; and even then, they were still skeptical.

“Is that the academy teacher, Umino Iruka? What did _he_ do? Surely there has to be some sort of mistake.”

Tenzou was walking beside Ibiki, listening to the curious whispers all around. He didn’t usually pay attention to village gossip, but he had to admit he was interested in the fact that all the talk was on Iruka, and not Kakashi. It sounded like they believed without a doubt that Iruka was loyal to Konoha and its people, and they trusted him wholly. He had a bit of a temper, they said, but he was also level-headed and would never take things too far; so to see him arrested had to be some sort of mistake – either that, or it was an enemy posing as Iruka.

Tenzou didn’t know Iruka very well; but from what he had learnt by observing him, going on a rampage did seem quite out of character; and he wondered what would make someone like Iruka snap. He was distracted from his thoughts when an icy chill settled in his skin; and when he looked up at the building looming over him, Tenzou felt small and powerless, as though his strength had been sapped away - they had arrived.

The building was as ordinary as any other, but it had the most eerie presence in Konoha, as though it had been coated in a blanket of darkness, tainted by the horrors that occurred within. The streets were empty where the Intelligence Division base cast its intimidating shadow – even birds avoided the area; and the land was silent, as though waiting in anticipation of the events to come; because not everyone who entered came back out. Tenzou was only visiting T&I to make a statement, but even he felt nervous as he entered the building.

“Put Hatake and Umino in the same cell once their details are logged and personal effects have been taken.” Ibiki ordered as he followed the ANBU escorts down the hallway. “I will deal with them later.”

“But sir, Hatake is dangerous. Shouldn’t he be isolated?” Inu asked.

“Not from Umino. There would be more trouble if they were separated.” Ibiki answered, eyeing off the crack in the ANBU mask. Inu turned to Tori uncertainly.

“It’s fine – Hatake won’t hurt Umino.”

“Okay. Let’s get them sorted, then.”

Agonised screams bounced off the wall in the direction the ANBU were leading them, and Iruka was beginning to feel uneasy. He had been to T&I in the past to run errands and to escort enemies at the end of a mission, but having the roles reversed and being the one restrained and taken into custody strengthened the atmosphere’s more dooming and hopeless vibe. Iruka knew Ibiki wouldn’t be too harsh on him, but he couldn’t help but feel uneasy about what was in store for him - he _had_ attacked the ANBU guards unprovoked, and did damage the hospital with his jutsu, so he had definitely made a mess of things. But although he knew what he had done was wrong in all sorts of ways, he was still furious at Ibiki, and the Hokage, too - they shouldn’t have abandoned Kakashi when he needed the help the most. Iruka was beginning to think only he cared about Kakashi’s wellbeing; and he wanted to do something about it.

Kakashi glanced to the right of him, sensing a buzz in Iruka’s chakra, like something was aggravating him. He expected to see a glare or darkness etched into his expression, but he was struck with curiosity when instead, Iruka's eyes were filled with a determined compassion. It was the same eyes Naruto bore when he spoke about saving Sasuke and bringing him back to the village; the same nurturing warmth as Minato whenever his team had gotten together; and the same strong resolve and passion as Obito when he used to speak about becoming Hokage. It was clear that whatever was on Iruka’s mind was really important to him. When Iruka turned to face him, Kakashi noticed that his eyes seemed to burn even brighter, like Kakashi held the key to strengthening Iruka’s resolve.

He was beginning to wonder if maybe it wasn’t a question of _what_ was on Iruka’s mind, but _who_.

And why _him_.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Tsunade-sama, you have a visitor.” Shizune said.

“Tch. What do they want? I have paperwork to fill out after the incident at the hospital.” She asked moodily. Iruka was not in her good books after his destructive episode.

“It’s Kiba from Kurenai’s team. He didn’t want to share what it was outside, but said that it was important.”

“The Inuzuka kid? I wonder what he wants.” Tsunade mused, her annoyance long forgotten. “Send him in.”

A moment later, Shizune brought him in, Akamaru by his side. Tsunade looked up from her desk to observe, noticing his solemn yet determined expression, as though he had returned from a mission and was about to report. He seemed slightly nervous, hesitating after a few paces; but when Akamaru nudged his leg, encouraging him to continue, he moved until he was standing confidently in the room like he had done many times before.

“Well? What brings you here?” she asked.

“It’s about Kakashi-sensei. Something has been bothering me since he, uh…” Kiba faltered. “Since we saved him.”

“What is it?”

“I didn’t think much of it at the time because of everything else going on, but Kakashi-sensei’s scent seemed different. It was still him – mainly his normal scent; but it was like it had been coated with another person’s scent, too. Not physically like being sprayed with perfume, but as part of his actual self. I don’t know how to explain it; but something just seemed… off…” Kiba recalled. “Even Akamaru thought something was odd.” Akamaru boofed in agreement.

“Hmm…" Tsunade hummed. "I suppose you couldn't pinpoint exactly where this other scent was coming from?" 

"No, just that it was coming from Kakashi-sensei."

"Did you recognise it at all?" Akamaru cried quietly in response.

"No. But that's what got me thinking that maybe it's an effect from an enemy's jutsu."

"That is a possibility, but I find it quite unlikely. However, if you do find that other scent elsewhere, please find out what you can - discretely; and inform me right away."

"Hai, Tsunade-sama!"

"Thank you for your information, Kiba - it will aid the investigation on Kakashi that is already taking place.”

"Is there anything else I can do to help with it?"

"Not at this moment in time. I will be sure to call you in, though, if that changes." she responded. “If there is nothing else you need, you may go.”

“Hai." Kiba bowed, and Akamaru copied, lowering his head; and when they rose, they turned and left.

When Shizune closed the door behind them, Tsunade was left to her thoughts, biting her lip in concentration as she contemplated the situation. Was Kiba right? Had an enemy done something to Kakashi; or had he been like this all along? If it wasn’t an enemy, why was the anomaly only being noticed now? Did something trigger it? Tsunade let out a heavy sigh. There were too many questions, and not enough answers; and she was becoming impatient. Too impatient.


	19. Chapter 19

“Umino, you need to hand in your flak jacket, weapons, and any other items you may have on you.” Inu ordered. “Put everything on the bench so it can be bagged and labelled.”

Iruka followed the instructions in the order they were given, really noticing the weight of his vest as the last of it slipped off his shoulder – he had a habit of storing everything in the pockets, and hadn’t noticed that they were getting full again. He really needed to go through the pockets and sort everything out again, he noted. Once he placed his weapons pouch and leg holster beside it, he stepped back, satisfied that he had handed everything over. Iruka wasn’t sure if he had to hand in his head protector too, but figured if he wasn’t allowed to wear it, the ANBU would tell him to take it off before they left.

“I think that’s everything.” He finally said.

“Okay. Now stand by the wall with your legs apart, and spread your arms out. I need to pat you down.”

Kakashi was leaning against a nearby wall with the bird-masked ANBU guarding him as they waited for Inu to finish up with Iruka – Kakashi hadn’t had any belongings on him, so the process had been much quicker for him. He turned his head and quietly observed with his sharingan, which the ANBU had only left uncovered because he wouldn’t be able to see, otherwise.

His gaze drifted distractedly to Iruka, who was down to his uniform blues, and spread out for the pat down. The material clung to his skin, outlining every muscle it blanketed; and Kakashi’s sharingan automatically took in every detail, like it had a mind of its own. Inu worked quickly, first checking Iruka’s torso, and then feeling around his legs for concealed objects. He scaled his body quickly, but paused when his hands reached the top of Iruka’s thigh, and roughly fumbled around the area.

“Did you check your pockets, Umino? I feel something there.”

“Oh my goodness! I am so sorry!” He exclaimed in horror, hurriedly feeling for his pocket, twisting towards Kakashi in concentration as he tried to take the object out.

The odd angle made Iruka’s shirt slide up, revealing a peek of the smooth, tanned body underneath; and his pants tightened in protest, refusing to stretch in that direction. Kakashi liked to think he was ready for anything – he usually was; but this time, he had not been prepared for the split-second chain of events that occurred. Not for the moment the sharingan forced his gaze in between Iruka's legs; not when he saw the very obvious outline (and size) of the bulge that was there; and certainly not for Iruka to catch him perving and checking him out.         

Kakashi was burning with embarrassment; and he quickly turned his head away, hoping that Iruka hadn’t seen the blush that had rapidly spread. When he managed to compose himself and control it, he turned back, curious to see what Iruka had been reaching for.

“This belongs to us here, in the building. How did you get a hold of it?” Inu asked sternly, practically snatching some sort of pen away from Iruka that didn’t look like it was used for writing.

“Tsunade-sama entrusted it to me in a meeting I had with her the day before I was sent to Kakashi’s house. I wanted to see if we could give him some time around the village rather than being stuck at home all the time, and she gave that chakra pen to me. It was supposed to be used to drop Kakashi's chakra down to civilian levels whenever we left the house, just as a precaution...” He explained earnestly. “But the only time I have used it is as a last resort, back when he was out of control.”

“Right.” The ANBU replied skeptically.

“You should be more open-minded, Inu.” Tori commented. “Umino is more capable than you think…”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Your cracked mask isn’t enough proof?”

“Tch. I think we’re done here.” Inu responded bitterly, pocketing the pen. “Time to put them in holding.”

Without another word, the two ANBU guards guided Kakashi and Iruka down another hallway, passing a set of stairs that led even deeper into the Intelligence Division building. The screams they had heard on their floor were nothing compared to the noises that boomed on the level below; and Iruka was grateful they were being taken elsewhere. It wasn't long before they reached a door labelled “Holding”; and inside was a small hallway with four heavy duty cells labelled one to four, the room holding two on either side of the entrance. The first one was occupied by a woman from Mist who hissed at them as they walked past; and the ANBU moved on, transferring Kakashi and Iruka in the second one, instead.

“If you’re not moved elsewhere any time soon, you can expect food in a few hours.” Tori explained, locking the door and placing a series of precautionary tags around the cell. “Do you have any questions before we leave?”

“No, ANBU-san.” Iruka replied.

“We’ll be going, then.”

Iruka sighed when the ANBU left, taking a look around at the cell. It was built for a maximum capacity of two, but the single bench inside, stretching along the entire width of the room, was barely long enough for them to fit beside each other comfortably; making it unsuitable for an overnight stay. Iruka didn’t think they wouldn’t be in there that long though, as T&I was quick dealing with those they had taken into custody. He claimed the left side of the bench, and leant back against the wall, trying to get comfortable; and when exhaustion hit, he decided he didn’t really care about how long it would take. He had barely slept since being summoned from his classroom however many days ago it was - he couldn't remember now; so passing the time wouldn’t be any problem for him.

With nowhere else to go and nothing to do, Kakashi joined Iruka on the other side, and absentmindedly stared at the floor as he let his mind wander. Neither spoke for a while – Iruka, because he had closed his eyes and was trying to get some sleep; and Kakashi, because he was still trying to process everything that had happened so far. 

“Hey, Kakashi…” Iruka eventually murmured with a slight slur, as the pull of sleep nearly dragged him into unconsciousness.

“Mhn?”

"You don’t have to sit so far away."

The dream world and reality had merged into one by then, so Iruka hadn't been able to tell the difference between the two; but the last thing he remembered before completely dozing off was a sudden warmth that filled his soul, as well as an arm around him, holding him gently.

And despite his state, he knew that at least one of those experiences had been reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how long it will be until the next chapter, as I have 3 uni assignments due next week that I need to finish. Hopefully I'll be back soon!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm surprised I got this chapter done as early as now. I've been so overwhelmed with uni and work that I just could not function properly for a couple of days. I had a complete mental block where I could barely think, let alone write; but with the worst of it out of the way, all is well now, and I can continue on with this adventure. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Kakashi was the first to wake up. Iruka was leaning into him, head on his chest; and his arm had gently fallen into Kakashi’s lap, resting atop his thigh. Wisps of hair hung around Iruka’s face where it had gotten free from his ponytail, and a few of the strands had fallen over his eyes. His breathing was slow and steady; and all the exhaustion and stress that had been etched into his expression over the past few days had disappeared and was replaced with an infectious tranquility that eased Kakashi’s mind, too. Kakashi smiled to himself as the warmth swelled in his heart; and he tentatively brushed the loose strands of hair away, tucking them behind Iruka’s ear, letting his fingers gently trail the scar across his face as he watched him sleep.

Iruka had really taken him by surprise lately; from the moment he first visited, right up until he invited Kakashi to be by his side while he slept. He had been able to tell that it wasn’t really an invitation, but a request; and the way Iruka relaxed right into his touch proved exactly that – that Iruka had been asking for his company. Kakashi still wondered why _him_ , after all he had done; but deep down he knew exactly why - he could see it. It was because Iruka cared.

And because of this, somewhere along the line, things had started to rapidly change between them; and it was clear that they were venturing into a territory that Kakashi was unfamiliar with, that he hadn’t given himself a chance to explore. And, looking at Iruka’s peaceful face, thinking of all the things he had gone out of his way to do, and how he hadn't left his side, Kakashi wondered if maybe it was time to try. He definitely needed Iruka, if the recent events were any indicator; but it also seemed like Iruka needed him, too. He didn’t know what was in store for the future, but with Iruka by his side, he had hope that things would turn out okay.

But although he felt that, Kakashi’s instincts were telling him that they were in the calm before the storm, and that something big would come first. As though responding to his intuition, Kakashi’s sharingan tingled; and he squeezed his eye shut, hoping to weaken the sensation. It wasn’t the same as when he lost control, but his chakra felt similarly disturbed; and in a way, it reminded him of being trapped in a genjutsu - almost like the sharingan was manipulating his chakra.

Kakashi focused on his chakra and tried to fight the opposing force, recalling what Hinata had said when he woke up in the hospital, about how the sharingan seemed to have its own chakra pushing against his normal flow. He pictured it as he pushed back against the disturbances, but it was harder than it seemed, and he felt like he was in a stalemate; neither force able to overcome the over, like both strains of chakra were evenly matched. Was he fighting his own chakra, then? But if that was the case, why would its direction of flow change? And when did this all start? It wasn’t back _then_ , was it?

Kakashi had heard that as you die, your life flashes before your eyes; and although he hadn’t experienced that before, there had been more than a few missions he was sure he had been close. In those times, he became overwhelmed with this feeling of sudden calm, where anything could happen and it wouldn’t matter; where he was free from worry, completely relaxed, and free from himself. It was an addictive feeling – one that he had been chasing ever since the darkness had crept up on him and taken over; but no matter what he did - go out with friends, date, engage in excessive training, or simply do nothing at all; he had never been able to replicate it. It only happened when he was dying.

He never experienced that though, when he had tried to take his life – not when he kicked the chair away, not when Team 8 had jumped in to save him, and not when he passed out after falling to the floor; but there had been a moment where reality had become altered, and he was absolutely sure he had heard Obito. Not the boy he grew up with, but a more sinister version, demanding his eye back. Although Kakashi was sure it had just been a hallucination or weird dream, he did find it strange that the odd events with his sharingan only seemed to have taken effect after his auditory encounter.

When the tingling sensation in Kakashi’s eye began to subside, he wiped away the tears caused by the irritation, and looked down at Iruka, who had barely stirred. _You like him, don’t you, Senpai?_ Kakashi chuckled to himself as he recalled his reaction that night. He had claimed that he didn’t like Iruka in the way that was implied; but now, having him right there in front of him, Kakashi was beginning to believe he had been in denial.

“Kakashi?”

“Hmn?” he answered in surprise. “You’re awake.”

Iruka took a deep breath as he slowly moved from Kakashi’s side to sit up straight, and he rubbed his eyes, blinking sleepily as he took in his surroundings. He glanced at Kakashi curiously as he untied his protector, and then the hair tie from his head.

“How long have I been asleep for?” he asked, running fingers through his hair to brush away knots.

“I don’t know. I fell asleep, too.”

“Well, I suppose it doesn’t matter.” he shrugged. “It’s not like we have anywhere important to be.”

Kakashi watched as Iruka pulled his hair back, bunching it up into a neat ponytail. Once he had gotten every strand of hair, he slipped the hair tie from his wrist and began to bind the strands. As he twisted it around, the elastic became taut; and he slipped his ponytail through the gap. But before the motion could be completed, the band snapped.

“What the? Not again!” Iruka huffed defeatedly.

“What's the matter?”

“This was a brand new hair tie, and it snapped!” he whined. “I’m blaming you.”

“Me? How is this my fault?” Kakashi asked in amusement.

“It isn’t – I’m just blaming you.”

Even though Iruka was only joking, he hadn’t forgotten what happened last time his hair ties had snapped – the four of them in a row; and hoped that now was only a coincidence, and that he simply needed to invest in better quality designs.

“Mah, don’t let it bother you too much. You don’t look bad with your hair out.” Kakashi commented, reaching out to move a section hiding Iruka's eyes.

“T-Thanks.” He blushed, caught off-guard by Kakashi’s actions, wondering what had gotten into him.

“Umino. Hatake.”

Iruka jumped at the sound of his name and nearly yelped – he hadn’t heard the ANBU escorts approach. Turning to face them, he saw that Tori had a different partner; this one wearing a tiger mask. When the ANBU had their attention, Tori held up a pair of handcuffs and continued.

“You’ve been summoned.”


	21. Chapter 21

The first thing Kakashi noticed when he entered the interrogation room was Tenzou; and he stopped dead in his tracks. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He remembered what Tenzou looked like when he had died; how there was a giant hole in his torso from his very own chidori attack; how he bled out; and how the life left his eyes as he fell to the floor. And then at the hospital, after Kakashi had woken, he remembered how Tsunade had said that Tenzou was in critical condition and needed to rest. On the walk back to T&I, he hadn’t seen Tenzou at all – that whole journey had been a blur; so seeing him right there, perfectly fine, like nothing had even happened was a real shock. How had he healed so fast? Tsunade was a great medic, but there was no way she’d be able to fix him that fast…

“T-Tenzou, I…” Kakashi stammered. So many thoughts and feelings were crammed together that they became a white noise blaring in his head; and he couldn’t figure out what he wanted to say.

“Hi, Senpai.” Tenzou greeted. He didn't know what to say, either, but he tried. "It's good to see you."

“You’re… fully healed?” Iruka asked, breaking the awkward atmosphere. He also remembered Tenzou's condition at Kakashi’s house, and was just as stunned.

“Completely."

"H-How?" he asked in disbelief.

"It’s a long story, Umino-san.”

“One that we don’t have time for.” Ibiki intercepted. “Please take a seat, as we need to get started.”

“Hai!” Iruka and Tenzou responded simultaneously. Once everyone besides the ANBU guards was seated along the table in the centre of the otherwise empty room, Ibiki began.

“First up I will be addressing the incident that occurred a few days ago, back at Hatake’s house. When I was taking witness statements, it looked like an attempted homicide case, believed to be homicide at first.” Iruka opened his mouth to defend Kakashi, but Ibiki cut him off, continuing with his explanation. “Yes, Umino, I know it doesn’t sound like something he would do, but Tenzou’s critical condition meant that something had clearly happened; and because of this, I personally visited the Hokage to discuss his charges and make sure I got a signature for his arrest.”

Iruka gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. He was on the verge of another outburst, but Ibiki’s warning glance reminded him that he was already in enough trouble, and that it was in his best interest to exercise control and just listen to what was being said.

“However,” Ibiki paused, taking a sip of his coffee, “upon speaking to Tenzou, I have learnt, and confirmed, that Hatake did  _not_ attempt homicide, but suicide instead; and that Tenzou’s injuries were from jumping in front of the attack to save him.”

Iruka’s eyes grew wide with horror, and he glanced at Kakashi, whose face had fallen and held a dark expression. He hadn’t found out what had happened before he got there, and had just assumed that when Kakashi said he killed Tenzou, it had been an accident caused by losing control of himself – he never would have imagined Kakashi had been trying to strike himself. Iruka hadn’t met Tenzou before then, but had learnt in that instance that he was dear to Kakashi; and by the sounds of this revelation, he was dear to Tenzou, as well. He was glad that there was someone else who supported Kakashi, too.

“So now we have a problem.” Ibiki continued solemnly. “If Tsunade-sama were to revoke a Hokage-enforced arrest just as suddenly as it was initiated, it would be seen as an abuse of power, and her motives would be questioned, causing significant distrust in the village; so it cannot be done easily. The process of revoking an arrest can also take as long as the court process itself, so we have no choice but to go through with it.”

“I cannot believe I’m asking this,” Iruka began hesitantly, “but hypothetically, couldn’t you just burn the paperwork or something?”

“Umino, what kind of suggestion is that?! You _know_ that is a serious offence!” Ibiki snapped. “Besides, even if the paperwork was destroyed, too many people know about the arrest for the idea to ever be completely erased.”

“Ibiki-san, why did you request a Hokage-enforced arrest in the first place?” Tenzou asked curiously. “Why not just a normal arrest?”

“Because a Hokage-enforced arrest is the quickest way to get me taken elsewhere until my issues are fixed. I’m a danger to the village right now, and need to be confined some place where I can’t hurt anyone.” Kakashi answered factually, as though he was reading from a textbook. He had been expecting his arrest from the moment he woke in the hospital.

“What? You don’t really believe you’re a danger, do you?”

“I nearly killed one of my closest friends – again. Actually, I think I did, and then he somehow came back to life… So honestly, Iruka, after what happened, yes, I do believe I’m dangerous; and I would have made the same decision as Ibiki-san. I need to be isolated from the village.”

“But Kakashi, you’re… You can’t be alone!”

“That’s where you come in, Umino.” Ibiki said.

“What do you mean?”

“I have witnessed; the ANBU guards have witnessed; and the statements of Hatake’s incident have proved that you are the reason for his improvements.”

“M-Me?” Iruka blushed. “But I haven’t really done anything.”

“You don’t need to be so humble, Umino-san. I’ve seen it, too – you share a strong bond with him that has only strengthened since you’ve been visiting him.” Tenzou smiled warmly. “You’re good for Senpai.”

Tenzou had finally come to terms with the fact that Kakashi had chosen Iruka; and he was ready to give his blessing. Most of his time, lately, had been spent either observing their interactions as a guard, or spying on Iruka in his downtime – he didn’t know Iruka, and had been concerned that he had ulterior motives, despite how the other ANBU vouched for and complimented him; and during his investigation, he had soon learnt why Iruka had been allowed to visit Kakashi in the first place. His impression of him changed, and now, Tenzou really believed Iruka could save Kakashi in the same way that Kakashi had saved him from Root all those years ago; so he was now grateful that this man had come into Kakashi's life.

“So, what do you need me for, then?” Iruka asked, hoping the hair that had fallen over his face would hide some of his embarrassment.

“We have a facility prepared for Hatake to stay in while he waits for court. It will be like house arrest, except there won’t be as much down time, as a research team will be working to return him to normal. You, Umino, have been temporarily exempted from your regular shinobi duties, as you will instead be accompanying Hatake. This is a very important S rank mission – the fate of Konoha, and Hatake relies on its success.”

“Then I won’t fail.” Iruka declared adamantly.

“You will have until sundown to prepare for the mission. Tenzou knows the location of the facility, so when you are ready, go and find him so he can take you. Do you have any questions?”

“Yes, actually.” He began hesitantly. “I get why I’m going on this S rank mission, Ibiki-san, but what about my charges? I mean, I did get arrested, too…”

“Well, let’s just say your punishment is that you’ll be offering your services at the facility to help Hatake.”

“H-Huh? That’s it?” he asked, very puzzled. Ibiki simply shrugged in response.

Kakashi had to admit he was confused, too. If anyone else had done what Iruka had, they would be in serious trouble – attacking an ANBU officer was a serious offence, and damaging the hospital was no better. It was unheard of for Ibiki to have a soft spot for someone he’s arrested; and Kakashi wondered what had made him write it off.

“In the meantime, now that it has come to my attention that I made a mistake, I will fix together a team to compile even more evidence against Hatake’s original charge, to try and reduce his sentence. This will be his best defence against the Hokage-enforced arrest.” Ibiki directed his attention to Tenzou. “Could I ask you to stay behind once I dismiss the others? There’s one last thing I need to discuss with you.”

“Hai.” He nodded.

“If there are no more questions,” Ibiki looked up at the ANBU guards, “release Umino and return his possessions, including the T&I chakra pen he was issued, so that he can prepare for his mission; and then take Hatake to the facility immediately after. The sooner everyone is there, the better.”

Before Iruka knew it, his hands were no longer cuffed, he had his stuff back, and he was signing a document to confirm his release. When he was done, he looked over at Kakashi, who still seemed to hold a dark expression over his face.

“Can I quickly say something to him before I go?” Iruka asked the ANBU in the tiger-shaped mask.

“You’re not supposed to, but I don’t see any harm in it.” he shrugged. Iruka thanked the ANBU and approached Kakashi, who was staring at the ground.

“Things are going to work out, you know.” He said softly, gently placing a hand on Kakashi’s shoulder. “Everything will be back to normal soon.”

“I’m not worried about that. I’m just…” Kakashi sighed. “I’m sorry for putting you through this. Your life is getting all put out of order because of me.”

“You don’t need to apologise. I would have gone, regardless of whether I was ordered to or not – I couldn’t just abandon you.”

“But… What have I done for you to want to do this?” Kakashi raised his head, studying Iruka’s honest eyes carefully.

“You gave me a chance.” He smiled earnestly. "And that means more than you think."

“Umino, it’s time to go now.”

“I will see you soon, okay?” Iruka assured.

Kakashi nodded in response, lost for words; and Iruka let go of him to catch up to the ANBU guard waiting to escort him out of the Intelligence Division building.

“Come on, Hatake. We need to move, too.” Tori said. “There’s a lot that needs to get done.”

“Hai.” He replied.

It was time to venture forth into a world of unknowns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been working on Kakairu week fics in between this story; and although I already have a few up my sleeve, there's still a few ideas that I want to finish in time for the event. If the next chapter is later than usual, that will be why. 
> 
> Thank you for being patient with me, and for continuing to read the story! I can promise you that there is some exciting stuff coming up!


	22. Chapter 22

Iruka collapsed on his bed the moment he got home, relishing in its comfort as he stared up at the ceiling. He had slept alright next to Kakashi, but after all the time he spent in the hospital, and then in the holding cell, he had started to miss being on an actual bed. And unfortunately, he would have to leave it again soon. He turned to his clock and read the digital display, noting it was just after lunchtime; so that meant he had a little downtime before he had to get ready for his mission. A delicious smell sifted through a light breeze, making Iruka salivate and his stomach growl ferociously; and he decided that before he even attempted to think about the mission, food came first. He was ravenous.

Iruka wandered into his kitchen, so focused on trying to identify what that exquisite smell was, that he had no sense of alertness, and had completely let his guard down. The only thing he noticed was that the scent of food had gotten stronger, and that he could definitely smell pork and miso in a very familiar combination. It wasn’t until he gave up searching the fridge for something he could cook that he noticed the intruder.

“Oh my goodness!” Iruka yelled in alarm, practically jumping out of his skin. “Anko, you scared the hell out of me! What on _earth_ are you doing here?!”

“Oh, hey.” She greeted casually. “I bought lunch.”

Iruka looked at the table where Anko had helped herself and was already eating; and by the empty seat opposite her, there was a small plastic bag filled with takeaway contents. He took a deep breath, and realised that delicious smell that had distracted him was coming from his table. And it was for him.

“Is that what I think it is?” he asked enthusiastically, taking a seat. He wasn’t even going to bother asking how Anko had broken in – he was sure she wouldn’t tell him, anyway; so he decided to focus on the food.

“Only the best.” She grinned. “And I didn’t even have to try and remember your order is this time – I just said it was for you, and Teuchi just started making it.”

“Ah, you are the best. It smells so good!”

“Better eat it before I do.” Anko teased playfully, slurping some more noodles from her own bowl.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Nah, probably not.” She agreed. “I’m saving room for dango.”

Iruka wanted to take time with his ramen bowl, as it was as delicious as it smelled; but he hadn’t realised how hungry he had been, and ended up scoffing it almost as fast as Naruto usually did.

“So what’s the occasion?” He asked after he had eaten a good portion of it. “Why did you buy me Ichiraku?”

“Because you haven’t been around lately, and I want to know what’s going on!” Anko answered, her eyes glittering excitedly. “Plus, I heard that you got arrested yesterday.”

“Huh? If you knew that I got arrested, how did you know I’d be home?”

“I wonder...” She slyly grinned.

“You didn’t _do_ anything, did you?” he asked suspiciously. “Ibiki-san let me off easy – I really should have been in more trouble for what I did.”

“What exactly did you do?” She asked, strategically evading Iruka’s question. “Ibiki wouldn’t tell me much – only that you got into a fight with ANBU, and that one of them doesn’t like you now because you cracked his mask.”

“Yeah, I noticed that when we got to T&I.” he laughed sheepishly. “The other guy seemed pretty amused about it.”

“Well, it _is_ pretty funny, especially on paper – a chuunin keeping up with and surprising ANBU in battle.” Anko grinned. “But why did you get into a fight in the first place?”

“I didn’t even mean to make a scene – I just…” Iruka sighed. “I overheard Ibiki-san saying that Kakashi was being charged with attempted homicide; and I didn’t want him to get arrested. He’s been through enough already, you know?”

“And what about you?” She asked, suddenly serious. “It’s sweet that you care about him so much, but you need to make sure you look after yourself, too.”

“I… Yeah, I’m fine.” He reflected. “Things have really gotten crazy, and somehow I’m caught up in the middle of it all; but I’m fine. I haven’t been alone.”

“Oh? And what do you mean by that?” Anko inquired, studying him with an intense curiosity.

“What are you asking about?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Iruka,” she purred. “I saw that cute little smile when you said that last part. You were thinking about him, weren’t you?” Iruka drank the last of the soup in his bowl so he didn’t have to answer; taking a moment to enjoy this sense of normality in his increasingly chaotic life.

“I’m right, aren’t I?" Anko gasped. "Did something happen?!”

“There might have been a moment.” He admitted, blushing as he distinctly remembered how he had woken up to Kakashi gently stroking his face.

He had pretended to still be asleep then because he didn’t know how Kakashi would react otherwise; but if Iruka was being honest, he also stayed that way because he had been content with the situation, and had really liked how Kakashi’s fingers had felt against his skin.

“You can’t just say that and not elaborate! I need details!” Anko pressed.

A knock at the door interrupted their conversation; and Iruka quickly left the table, glad for a quick escape from what he knew would have ended up being a lengthy interrogation. Anko cursed beneath her breath – she had been so close to hearing the juiciest story she had heard in a while.

“I’m sorry to intrude, Umino-san, but there has been a slight change of plans.”

“Is something wrong?” Iruka asked, somewhat surprised to see Tenzou at his door.

“No, nothing major.” Tenzou quickly assured. “We just have to leave earlier because there was a report of unusual activity near the facility, and Ibiki-san wants us to investigate on the way over. It’s just a quick surveillance operation.”

“Right. I can be ready in half an hour. Where will I meet you?”

“The south gate would be best.”

“Great. I’ll be there soon!”

Tenzou nodded and wove hand signals, disappearing in an instant; and Iruka made his way back to the kitchen.

“Sorry, Anko, but I’m kicking you out!” he declared.

“You’re not sorry at all, are you?” she huffed playfully, rising from her seat.

“Nope!” he smirked.

Anko helped Iruka clear the table, then made her way to the door; but when her hand touched the handle, she hesitated and turned back to face him, her face marked with an unusually heavy expression.

“Good luck on your mission. It sounds like it is going to be a big one.”

“You know about it? How much is Ibiki-san actually telling you? I thought this would have been kept top secret, at least for political reasons.”

“It is. And uh, Ibiki hasn’t said a word.”

“Then how do you know about it?”

“I really can’t tell you that… But I will tell you something I found out through my own research." she answered with an air of caution. "It’s actually the real reason I came by today.”

“What’s wrong? You seem unusually serious.”

“There’s an organisation called Root, that owns the facility you're going to; and some of their members are going to be assigned to the area.”

“Root? I’ve never heard of them before.”

“Neither have I, so I did some digging... But there’s no mention of Root in any of the libraries, and uh, other places I checked.” Anko said. “I had a bad feeling about the group when I couldn't find anything - why stay off the radar?; and it wasn't until I really risked getting caught that I finally found something. There was an unofficial document written in the Sandaime’s handwriting that mentioned them; and my instincts were right. You need to be really careful; and keep a very close eye on Kakashi, okay?" she warned.

"Why? What did the document say?"

"It said that this Root organisation once tried to steal Kakashi's sharingan; and I'm betting they are going to try again.”

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, wouldn't _you_ , if Kakashi was so vulnerable and easy to get to?"


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been finalising all my kakairu week fics over the past week or so, so I didn't think I would have another chapter ready yet. But I do! And it's a longer one!
> 
> Enjoy!

When Iruka spotted the south gate, there was no one in sight; and he was slightly disappointed - if he had known his travel partner was going to be late, he would have spent that extra five minutes in the shower. But as he approached, someone silently jumped down from a tree behind him; and when it clicked that Tenzou was ANBU and probably not used to waiting out in the open, and that it was probably him who had been in the tree, Iruka's mood lifted. As he turned around to greet Tenzou, he wondered how long he had actually been waiting there for, and was planning on asking; but as soon as he laid eyes on him, he was stuck in a state of momentary confusion.  

“You’re not wearing ANBU gear.” Iruka finally said in surprise.

“I have to wear the standard shinobi uniform instead, so we don’t attract as much attention.” Tenzou explained, walking through the gate. “An ANBU working with a regular shinobi is bound to draw eyes; and we can’t afford to be the target of bored missing nin, or some other enemy looking for a challenge.”

“That’s true.” Iruka said, following along as he contemplated the scenario, wondering who would be targeted first if anyone decided to fight them. When he came back to reality, he looked at the path they were taking, and was slightly confused, realising they weren’t heading south, like he had expected. “Um, where exactly are we heading?”

“Beyond the Hokage cliff faces.”

“Wait.” Iruka stopped in his tracks. “If we need to go that way, wouldn’t it be quicker to use the shortcut just past the Hokage office to get on top?”

“Unfortunately, our investigation starts at the base of the cliff, in a cavern. Apparently the entrance is small and covered in so much shrubbery that it’s very difficult to spot, even on the ground; so we need to go around the cliff face, rather than through.”

“Oh, okay.” He said, continuing on the path. “You said earlier that there was unusual activity in the area. What do you expect we will find there?”

“Well, the shinobi who found the cavern said that there were multiple chakra signatures coming from inside; but they couldn’t get past the entrance to investigate, because of a powerful barrier that was put in place.”

“A barrier? That definitely sounds like someone is hiding something…”

“Yeah. But something bothers me about it, Umino-san.”

“Just Iruka is fine.” Iruka interjected – after being called ‘sensei’ for so long, it felt oddly foreign to be called by his surname. “Sorry, go on. What’s bothering you?”

“I can’t help but think that the barrier was erected, not so much to protect who or what’s inside; but to draw attention to the area and lure people in.”

“Like it’s a set up? For what exactly?”

“That’s what we’re going to be checking out.” Tenzou said, surveying the area. “And if we want to make it to Senpai before dusk, we should pick up the pace.”

“Okay, let’s go.”

It wasn’t long before Iruka got into a rhythm as he leapt from tree to tree; and as he flitted through the forest, following Tenzou’s lead, he couldn’t help but smile. Running through the forest, feeling the wind dry his hair, and his muscles loosen and stretch with every move he made brought on a nostalgic sense of freedom from his more active shinobi days, reminding him how good it was to be out and about. Iruka would never give up being an academy teacher, but there were definitely certain aspects of missions he missed while he was back at home.

After a couple of hours, Tenzou had started to slow down, seeming to move more carefully; and Iruka copied, knowing, without needing to ask, or seeing a field signal, that they were getting close to their destination. They were in the outskirts of the forest, where the trees hadn’t decided whether they wanted to spread or huddle together, nor were they decisive on anything else, really; and all the inconsistencies in height, branch thickness, and amount of foliage was really making leaping difficult – Iruka had nearly slipped a couple of times.

He wished they could have gone deeper into the forest where it would be easier to jump, but he understood Tenzou’s decision to play it safe and lead them along the outskirts. Where they were, they could see the base of the cliff, about a hundred metres away, which they were using for navigation; and no one on that end would be able to see them easily. But if anybody did find, and wanted to pursue them, they were far enough into the forest to make a quick escape if they had to.

“Iruka-san, we should be approaching a river soon.” Tenzou called out. “Let’s take a quick break when we reach it.”

“Sounds good to me.”

It wasn’t long before Iruka heard water trickling up ahead; and with a sudden burst of energy, he jumped a couple of branches ahead of Tenzou, eager to get to the river. Tenzou picked up the pace too, to match Iruka, and they ended up leaping in sync, landing on the same branches as they continued along. But after a few steps, Iruka faced Tenzou, who studied him with innocent, curious eyes; and flashed a mischievous grin as he moved even faster, keeping himself one branch ahead.

Tenzou easily caught up to him again, but when they made eye contact, Iruka could see that he still hadn’t caught on – he looked just as confused as ever; so Iruka decided to make it more obvious, poking his tongue out as he propelled himself much further ahead. And this time, when Tenzou realised what was going on and tried to outrun him, Iruka didn’t let him catch up.

When the river was in sight, Iruka focused all of his attention and energy to get there, right at the boulder by the river’s edge – the best place he could make a point of declaring his win. He saw the exact path he would take, knew exactly how much chakra he would need to get there, and had even figured out how he could make it look cool; but while he had a foolproof plan in place, there was just one thing he hadn’t counted on: Tenzou making it there at least ten seconds before him, smiling smugly as he leant against a tree.

“What?! How did you beat me?!” Iruka exclaimed, almost missing his landing in his distraction.

“I teleported.” He shrugged, trying to hide the fact that he was out of breath.

“That’s cheating!”

“Not if there aren’t any rules to begin with.” Tenzou smirked.

“Are all ANBU like this, or has Kakashi’s antics rubbed off on you?” Iruka panted with a grin, as he dropped from the treetops to walk across a moist earthy path that led to the river bank.

“Who knows?” He joked, pushing himself away from the tree trunk to join Iruka by the water, where he was splashing his face to cool down.

Tenzou couldn’t believe that he had just competed in a race while he was supposed to be on a mission – he knew better than that! But if he was being honest, he didn’t regret it at all – he had known they were safe, and it _had_ been kind of fun. Kakashi had mentioned once, that missions were completely different when you had a genin team; and although he had often complained at how boring some of them were, Kakashi always seemed happier than he ever was as an ANBU. Tenzou wondered if being this carefree was what he had meant by different. If so… Well, he wouldn’t be opposed to having a team of his own one day, if he was ever dismissed from his ANBU duties.

“You know what would be good right about now?” Iruka prompted, distracting Tenzou from his thoughts.

“What?”

“Somewhere to sit that isn’t wet!” He laughed.

“Actually, that’s a good idea.” Tenzou said, suddenly more focused on the mission. “It’ll be easier to study the map and discuss the plan that way.”

“Huh? You’re saying that like a chair is suddenly going to appear out of nowhere.” Iruka commented, not sure what to make of Tenzou’s train of thought.

“I’m going to do one better.” he replied, forming a series of hand seals. “I’m going to make a picnic table appear out of nowhere.”

"Wha-?"

The ground began to rumble, and thick roots began to sprout from the ground, criss-crossing around each other as they snaked their way up. As they spread and constricted around one another, they thickened even more until they began to merge into one another, shedding some of the leaves that had grown around its edges as they transformed into thick beams. And finally, when the roots finally stopped moving, a large, perfectly dry, sturdy picnic table was set up by the bank, complete with a leaf emblem engraving.

“There. Now we can sit.” Tenzou declared, secretly enjoying the awestruck, shocked expression on Iruka’s face.

“You have… the First’s…”

“Yeah. Not by choice, unfortunately.” He said. “But that’s a story for another time. We really do need to go over the map.”

“Right.” Iruka took a seat opposite Tenzou, snapping himself out of his daze when he saw a topographic map open and spread out across the table. “Where are we, and roughly how far away is our destination?”

“By the looks of it, we shouldn’t be any more than fifteen minutes away; but it might take about twenty minutes or so once we get closer to the cavern, depending on what’s there when we approach. Since this is supposed to just be a quick surveillance mission, I don’t want to engage in combat if we don’t have to; so we should proceed with caution.”

Tenzou marked where they were with a small dot, and pointed to a cross that had been placed along the outline that marked the base of the cliff, showing the remarkably small distance between the river and cavern.

“How far away is the facility from this cavern? If this ends up being some sort of trap, could we use it as a rendezvous point and to get back up?”

“Unfortunately, it’s about an hour or so away, and a bit difficult to get to,” he replied, pointing to a ‘K’ drawn on one of the highest points of the cliff, “so if anything happens, we’re on our own.”

Iruka felt uneasy being just out of reach. It wasn’t so much getting set up that he was worried about – he had Tenzou, an ANBU member with him, and he was quite competent, himself; it was what Anko had said before she left that kept him on edge. Iruka was anxious to be by Kakashi’s side and make sure this Root organisation couldn’t touch him; and being out of reach, all the ‘what ifs’ were exploding in his mind, making him feel helpless, knowing he wouldn’t be able to assist if anything happened right then. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, reminding himself that he had a mission to do first; and the quicker he completed it, the quicker he would arrive at the facility and see Kakashi.

“Is there anything else we need to discuss?” he asked, opening his eyes again.

“Not unless you have anything to add, or any questions.”

“Nothing comes to mind.”

“Good.” Tenzou said, rolling up the map again. “Are you ready to go?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

With that, Iruka abandoned the picnic table, and started drifting through the trees again, keeping in sync with Tenzou. And this time, he didn't race ahead...

Because if he wanted to reach Kakashi, it was time to get serious.


	24. Chapter 24

“Are you feeling alright, Hatake?” Tori asked. “That’s the second time you’ve stumbled in the past fifteen minutes.”

“Yeah. I’ve just got a headache.”

“Really?” he interrogated skeptically. “It would have to be pretty bad if you’re having trouble moving.”

He was right – it was really bad, and it more than just a headache. It was a harsh, throbbing migraine that hammered into his skull with every step he took, with a force so strong he was sure his eyes were shaking around in their sockets; and having the sun reflecting off the chalky limestone ground wasn’t helping. It definitely felt like a side effect from using his sharingan too much, except he didn’t have significant chakra depletion, which he suspected was because he was only using his eye to see, rather than for jutsu. Kakashi was grateful for that, because he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to handle exhaustion on top of all this pain.

“Do you need to take a break?”

“No, I’m fine. Let’s keep going.”

“Okay, then. But if you get any worse, let one of us know. We need to get you to the facility in one piece.”

“Sure. How far away are we?”

“About an hour at a normal pace.”

At a normal pace. That meant he was slowing them down. It couldn’t be helped considering he was still restrained and had to be more careful when he moved, but Kakashi really hated knowing he was causing trouble - it was all he seemed to be doing lately, going right back to the moment he had tried to take his life. Daggers stabbed into his heart, making each thump just as painful as the pounding in his head; and he quickly locked the thoughts away in a box before more blades could dig into him. And with the daggers pulled out of his wound, Kakashi did what he did best, and slipped his mask back into place as he continued on, trying to pick up the pace.

After about ten minutes, he noticed that the limestone rock was beginning to show a more reddish, sandy tone, and sprouts of foliage were beginning to peek through the darker contrast, hinting that they would be approaching foresty terrain again. He found the variety of colours and details that his sharingan was picking up quite distracting – it was like he had stepped into an entirely different world; and if he was being honest, one of the reasons he had tripped earlier was because he had been so focused on studying the intricate lines, grooves, and patterns etched into a protruding rock shaped like a bulb, that he hadn’t noticed an odd crack in the earth, and had stepped right into it and almost faceplanted. Kakashi chuckled to himself – if that had been Naruto, he almost certainly would have faceplanted.

An icy breeze swirled around Kakashi, and he shivered as goosebumps prickled at his skin - a reminder that it was spring and the weather was still crisp; and he was grateful someone had changed him into a spare uniform when he was taken to the hospital. But although the material was perfect for this time of year, and usually kept him comfortable; for some reason, it felt thinner than usual, and the frosty gusts that kept on coming seemed to eat right through his layers; and even though he was in direct sunlight, and moving at a decent pace, he just couldn’t keep warm.

Kakashi looked up at the sky, watching a messenger hawk fly past, heading towards the village; and as the sharingan automatically focused on the details of its feathers, a wave of dizziness and a deep, gutting bubble of nausea hit him at once, completely disorienting him. His hands went to his head, where he covered his eyes to try and clear his mind, but all he saw was a pattering of rainbow speckles and abstract shapes behind his lids, making it worse; and when he opened his eyes again, the speckles seemed to get heavier, and darkness began to cloud his vision.

“I don’t feel so good.” He winced, feeling his knees buckle beneath him.

“Tori, stop.” Tiger said urgently, catching Kakashi before he hit the ground. “Hatake is about to pass out.”

“What? He was fine just a moment ago!”

“Hatake, what’s going on?”

Kakashi tried to focus on Tori, who seemed quite concerned behind that bird mask of his; but the speckles and abstract shapes was a distraction that wasn’t going away. He had seen them more times than he could count, but usually it was only brief and then he’d black out, or they would creep into his vision and then disappear if he caught himself in time; but this time, the colour just stayed, like it was a static connection to something that he couldn't unlink himself from.

Suddenly, his eye began to twitch and throb wildly; and a flash of darkness with a flickering orange appeared, along with what sounded like a muffled discussion. There wasn’t enough time for Kakashi to comprehend what he saw, but if he had to guess, he’d say that there were people sitting around a fire somewhere dark – a cave, perhaps? But why did he see that? Was it a memory of some sort? And what made his sharingan go crazy in the first place? Kakashi sat up straighter, squinting at the shapes and speckles floating in his vision, as though they would give him an explanation; but no matter how hard he searched, he got no answer. Maybe when he was at the facility he would learn more.

“Eat this. You still look really pale.” Tiger said, handing over a portion of onigiri. “I’ve also got some water when you’re ready for it, too.”

“Thanks.”

The ANBU escorts took the opportunity to eat as well; and when they were satisfied that enough colour had returned to Kakashi and that he seemed relatively normal again, the group continued on their journey, ready for the rough terrain ahead.  

About twenty minutes after they left, Kakashi’s eye flared up again, and it seemed to buzz frantically, almost as if it was excited. He stopped in his tracks when static returned to his vision; and the image he saw earlier appeared, crisper and stronger than before. He had been right in predicting that it was some sort of cave; but what he hadn’t seen in the earlier flash was the almost transparent red surrounding the rocky walls - some sort of jutsu. A healthy fire crackled inside, making shadows dance across the walls - a silhouette of a person amongst them; and when the owner of the shadow spoke, the voice still sounded muffled, so Kakashi couldn’t tell who it was, but he could hear exactly what was being said.

_Two leaf shinobi are approaching, and one has a scar across his nose like the one you described._

_Excellent. Prepare to engage.  
_

“What’s wrong, Hatake?” Tori asked, just as his vision returned to normal.

“I hope it’s just my imagination," Kakashi swallowed, "but I think someone is after Iruka.”


	25. Chapter 25

Iruka had been watching the wall of the cliff gradually close its distance between the dry, grassy plains and the edge of the forest; and it had gone from about a hundred metres away to fifty. The dark ochre sedimentary rock wasn’t only to the right of him now, but also beelined to the left up ahead, interrupting the relatively straight line he had been running in; and about two hundred metres away, he could see the cliff’s rounded corner. According to the map, that meant the cavern was five minutes away, tops; and from this distance Iruka could already sense a light trickle of chakra, so he started to slow down, and Tenzou did the same.

The entrance to the cavern was exactly as Tenzou had described – very hard to find. From a distance, it only looked like a small crack in the rocky wall, barely visible behind a thick clump of vines and messy shrubbery that had grown up the side; but the strength of the chakra oozing from the area, daring them to approach told Iruka he was looking in the right spot. And as he studied the entrance carefully, he noticed something else.

“Hey, you see where the vines seem to be in the centre of the entrance…” he pointed. “Do they look like they’re burning, to you?”

“Yeah, actually…” Tenzou agreed in suspicion. “I think you’re right. We should proceed with caution.”

“Let me take a look first.” Iruka said. “I should be able to sense if there are any traps, or an ambush, from here.”

He closed his eyes, clearing his head of useless thoughts and jarring emotions, and began to meditate, listening to the sounds around him, of the trees bristling in the wind, birds harmonising their calls, and the humming of bees floating from flower to flower. He was beginning to picture it now, and painted a sonar map of the landscape in his mind. Iruka listened further, focusing on the cavern ahead of him, and heard a faint _whoosh_ at the entrance, confirming that the foliage was indeed burning. Going further than that, Iruka detected the dribble of water dripping from a stalactite, and the _plonk_ it made when it reached the ground, as well as the crackle of fire burning a bit further in; and he delved further, seeking the fire itself – if there was a fire, there were people.

As he followed the sounds, he detected a strange whirring noise in the same direction of the fire; and in his curiosity, he directed his attention to the sound. The more he focused on it, the more details he could hear; and he noticed that it also had a slight hum to it, as though something was vibrating. The source seemed to spread across the cavern in a cylindrical fashion like it was circling something; and Iruka soon figured out that it was the barrier. When the image cleared itself in his head, Iruka’s breath caught in his throat and he opened his eyes, shocked at what he had seen.

“I-It can’t be…” He hadn’t seen just any barrier – it was a barrier he had seen many years ago around the village; one that he never thought he’d see again.

“What did you see, Iruka-san?”

“That barrier is the Uchiha Flame Formation.”

“Are you one hundred percent sure?”

“Yes.” There was no way Iruka could be mistaken.

“Then inside is…”

“Sasu-.”

“-tachi.”

Iruka and Tenzou said the brothers’ names simultaneously, each with an air of conviction so assertive that no other answer could possibly be right. They glanced at one another, surprised that they had come to different conclusions; and re-evaluated their own to consider the other option.

“I guess either of us could be right.” Tenzou said. “But regardless of who, this can't be good. Can you confirm which Uchiha it is, and if there is anyone else around?”

Iruka nodded and closed his eyes again, honing in on the area around the barrier. It seemed to be encasing a naturally gouged hollow, burning into the rocky walls with its heat. Iruka remembered hearing once, that the Uchiha barrier was so hot it could burn people even when they weren’t touching it; and he was sure that with one as strong as that, it was the reason those vines had been burning at the entrance.

There didn’t seem to be anything outside the barrier, so he looked within, and saw a small but healthy fire sizzling in the centre of the cove. After a moment of exploring the area with his senses, he frowned. If there were people there, he should have already been able to pick them up – especially if someone was maintaining a barrier; but there wasn’t a soul. Iruka decided he was wrong – there definitely had to be at least one person there; and he took a deep breath, sending himself into a more meditative state.

Off to the edge of the barrier was a group of stalagmites shooting up from the ground; and leaning against a large one was a cloaked figure that seemed to be waiting for something, and Iruka's heart burned with anticipation. He couldn’t see anything behind the cloak, and the shinobi’s face was hidden, so it was impossible to confirm who it was; but the way that person was leaning so... indifferently reminded him of Sasuke. Was it really him? Had he been hiding so close to the village all this time? But why all of a sudden attract attention like this?

As though knowing they had been seen, the cloaked figure rose and casually paced across the cove, kicking the fire out in one quick movement. Iruka still had a hold on the mystery shinobi’s location with his sonar imagery after the light dimmed; and he watched as the figure walked towards the back of the hollow, which had been smothered by the edge of the barrier. Upon reaching the wall, they turned their head slightly, in Iruka’s direction, as though contemplating something; and raised their hand as they turned back, dispelling the barrier with the movement. Then the shinobi did the most unbelievable thing Iruka had ever seen in his life. They walked right through the wall, completely erasing their chakra signature; and disappeared without a trace.

“Iruka-san, what just happened?!” Tenzou asked in alarm. “I can’t sense anything anymore.”

“Whoever it was is… gone. They took the barrier down and disappeared right before my eyes.” Iruka said uncertainly, feeling a bit disoriented.

“You didn’t see who it was?”

“They hid themselves under a large cloak.” he said, shaking his head.

“What else did you see in there?”

“Nothing but a small campfire in the centre of the barrier, and that shinobi.”

“It seems like I was right about the barrier not being for protection, then…” Tenzou said grimly. “We should head over to the facility and make our report.”

"Hai."

Iruka suddenly tensed and leapt back before he knew what he was reacting to; and then his eyes were drawn to the familiar glint of a kunai, which was wedged in the ground where he had been standing just seconds before. The direction it was facing indicated that it had been thrown from behind; and Iruka flung a couple of shuriken as he whipped around, and quickly reached for a kunai of his own, preparing to defend himself against the attacker.

“I don't think you will be going anywhere, scar-faced leaf shinobi.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I left you hanging for so long! 
> 
> First, it was because I got distracted writing a soulmate AU, “Bound by the Heart”, which you may have already seen posted; but then I was finding it hard to write, not just because I’ve been working on uni assessment that’s due shortly, but also because a lot of emotionally and mentally draining stuff has happened. 
> 
> Everything should be back to normal soon, and my uni semester finishes in a week or so, so I’ll hopefully be posting chapters regularly again then.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Iruka felt sick. The man in front of him was wearing a hooded cloak identical to the one of the mystery shinobi in the cavern, almost like they had teleported straight to him; but that had to be impossible - no one could travel that fast. So that meant whoever had been in there wasn’t working alone. That wave before the shinobi disappeared… Iruka was beginning to wonder whether that was a signal rather than directed to him; but that just brought up a thousand other questions – if that was a signal, did that mean this enemy was a sensory shinobi? And if they were using jutsu, why hadn’t he been able to detect anyone else around earlier? Why hadn’t Tenzou? Iruka found one of his answers surprisingly fast when he focused on the attacker. He wasn't giving off a chakra signature.

“Who are you, and what are you doing in Leaf territory?” Iruka asked, gripping his kunai tighter. He didn’t trust the situation one bit.

“I’m not supposed to tell you who we are…” The hooded enemy taunted; and although their face was hidden, Iruka could picture the knowing smirk that came with his words. “But if you want a hint about what we’re doing, you could say that we are here for _you_.”

“Why are you after me?” he asked evenly. “And who is ‘we’?”

Iruka was unnerved – why would the enemy be after him specifically? It wasn’t like he’d ever done anything that would make him a target. And how did they know he would be at the cavern? Had someone been watching him? Did that mean an enemy had infiltrated the village – and did that mean the village was in danger?!

“We're after you because you’re the only one standing in the way, he said; but he also thinks you could be useful.” The mysterious figure tormented, pointing to him with a thin, white hand. “You are the only one who can control Hatake Kakashi, after all...”

“What do you want with Kakashi?!” Iruka growled heatedly.

“Who knows?” the hooded man taunted in amusement as he leapt away. “I can't read that Uchiha's mind!”

"Uchiha? Which one?!"

"You'll find out soon enough!" he laughed, bouncing away.

The evasive man flung a kunai with an explosives tag attached; and Iruka quickly jumped back, raising an arm to his face protectively. The tag exploded with a loud _bang_ ; and a forceful wave of hot air blew into him, throwing him back onto the ground, knocking the kunai out of his hand. A _hiss_ slivered through the air almost as soon as he landed; and accompanying the tag’s cloud of dark soot was a thick blanket of smoke from a smoke canister. The two combined into a thick, murky smog that smothered Iruka, choking him with its fumes; and he covered his nose as he stood, squinting through the darkness to find where the cloud was thinnest.

“Iruka-san, over here!” Tenzou called.

Iruka followed the sound of his voice, relieved that the smoke hadn't spread in that direction yet, and that he was starting to see shapes through the smog that was already there. He could see the outline of trees, shrubs, and a person’s silhouette; and he moved faster, eager to take a breath of fresh air and reunite with Tenzou. But a sudden wave of uneasiness hit Iruka, and he halted, assessing the scene. Were those shrubs _moving_?

He kept a close eye on the shrubs around him – five, he could see; and watched as they seemed to grow right in front of him. They were barely knee height when he first detected them, but suddenly they were waist high, and continued to grow even taller; and when they stopped growing, their shadows had transformed to look almost humanoid. When the smoke canister stopped hissing, one by one, the silhouettes changed to even more refined human forms, as though someone was carefully carving their outlines; and once they were perfected, they came to life, and Iruka sensed new chakra signatures all around him. It was still hard to see in the smoke, but where the shrubs had transformed, he could make out a mix-match of shinobi from different hidden villages eyeing him off, ready to fight.

“Iruka-san, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

There was a crunch behind Iruka, and he whipped his head around just as three more shinobi formed; and when they made eye contact, they took a step towards him with sinister grins plastered on their faces. A crackle from his original direction alerted him that the first five shinobi he had seen were also making a move and closing the distance on him; and Iruka quickly formed a plan to break through and escape the circle of enemies. No, there was only one enemy, he told himself; and these were only his clones. And if that was the case, he had to get through them quickly so he and Tenzou could find the real shinobi and stop him from escaping.

“Don’t advance – there are strange clones hidden in the smoke! Go after that guy, instead!”

Tenzou ignored Iruka and hurried into the smog cloud to help him. The hooded man had made it clear that Iruka was his target; and clones or not, Tenzou didn’t want to take any chances - he would risk the enemy getting away, but not Iruka's life. Not to mention he had also heard an undertone of panic and uncertainty in Iruka’s voice; which told him there was probably more to the clones than he was letting on. There would only be the two of them against who knew how many; but Tenzou knew that they would defeat them all. They had to, with so many people relying on them. 

A blaze of fire erupted nearby, and small balls of fire flew towards a few silhouettes that had been outlined by the light; and Tenzou went deeper into the smoke cloud, heading towards the commotion. More balls of fire illuminated the way; and he was close enough to see that the clones had surrounded Iruka, tormenting him with attacks from every direction. He couldn’t see Iruka properly – just his shadow from the flames; but he could tell that he was facing away from him and five of the clones, more than likely attacking ones that had appeared in the opposite direction.

While Iruka concentrated on his attack, the clones behind him started weaving hand seals; and Tenzou whipped into action, slamming his own hands into seals as he rushed to make the first move in a fast-paced stealth attack. His arm turned into thick streams of wood with sharpened tips, extending with every second that passed; and he pierced his stakes into the hearts of the clones, destroying them before they could attack. But the clones didn’t dispel when he destroyed them – they just fell to the ground like dead bodies, bleeding from where they had been stabbed; and Tenzou was momentarily disturbed. Did he just kill five _people_? Tenzou shook his head, erasing the thought. It didn’t matter if they were human or clones – whatever the case, they were after Iruka, and needed to be stopped in any manner necessary.

Iruka’s fire balls had kept the clones away, but it hadn’t been enough of a distraction for him to slip through and escape the ambush – they were very attentive. He had told Tenzou to stay back, but if he was being honest, he could use his help – the clones were very persistent, and the three he was focussing on had even started to use jutsu against him.

As though someone heard Iruka's silent plea for help, all of a sudden, like a switch had been flicked, around half the chakra signatures around him vanished instantaneously. Iruka didn't sense it from the clones in front of him, who still had their eyes on him; but from behind, where the first group of them had appeared.

“I’ve got this, Iruka-san.” Tenzou said, appearing out of nowhere. Iruka almost jumped in surprise - he hadn't sensed a thing from him.

As he started attacking the clones, Iruka watched carefully, ready to aid him any time; but the more he watched, the more he could see that he wouldn’t need to. Tenzou was quick and precise with his movements, easily dodging and deflecting everything that was thrown his way, weaving gracefully through the thinning smoke; and Iruka was awestruck watching him in action – he wasn't just defeating the clones, he made it look effortless. In moments, Tenzou had taken down the remaining three; and it was then that Iruka really noticed just how big the gap was between chuunin and ANBU shinobi - the ANBU were on a whole other level.

“I can’t believe how easily you took them down! You really saved me there. Thanks!”

“It was a team effort. Your fire jutsu made it easy to see where all the clones were.” Tenzou said humbly.

A strong breeze blew the smoke away, making the area become completely visible again; and Iruka’s attention was drawn to the bodies that were scattered around them. He frowned, and went to the nearest one, bending down to examine it. Whoever made these clones was highly skilled in their technique – they were so perfectly made that if he hadn’t seen them form before his very eyes, he wouldn’t have been able to tell that they weren’t real shinobi. And Iruka had to admit he was impressed that the clones hadn’t dispelled even after being destroyed - he had never seen that happen before.

“Iruka-san, we should get moving.” Tenzou said. “The battle is over now, and it looks like the enemy escaped. Another team can pick up where we’ve left off and track him down, instead – we’ve done our recon job now, and really need to get to the facility and report what happened.”

“Got it.” Iruka was glad they were heading to the facility - although he was curious about the mystery shinobi and wanted to find him, he was also eager to get started on his mission, and was really looking forward to reuniting with Kakashi.

They hadn't been apart for long, but it was beginning to feel like an eternity.

\---------------------------------------

_That was quick. Did you deliver the message?_

_More or less._

_And what of the shinobi?_

_Just an ordinary chuunin, it seems… And particularly emotional for a shinobi - I barely finished mentioning Kakashi before he got riled up!_

_Hmph. His name?_

_Iruka.  
_

_A scarecrow and a dolphin. What an unlikely pair.... Now, what do you think a scarecrow would do if its dolphin was taken from the waves?  
_

That voice… Kakashi could have sworn it was someone he knew…


	27. Chapter 27

Iruka was out of breath when he reached the top of the cliff. After he and Tenzou had gone as far as they could on flat ground, the only direction was up; and they had to climb a vertical path that looked to be at least five hundred metres high. Iruka hadn’t done any cliff training in a while, and had nearly slipped a few times, but the rock was sturdy, and had guided him up; and before he knew it, he was pulling himself over the edge and looking at the view of the vast forest he had come from while catching his breath on the grassy plains he had rolled onto.

“We don’t have much further to go. According to the map, our destination should be at the top of this mountain up ahead.”

“We have to climb even higher? Are you sure you’re reading that map right, Tenzou-san?” Iruka teased, picking himself up from the ground.

“Well, I could have looked for a shortcut, but I figured you could do with a workout.” Tenzou smirked as they continued onto the last stretch of their journey.

“Hey, that was uncalled for!” Iruka laughed.

“You can blame Kakashi-san for that – he taught me most of what I know.”

“Really? How long have you known him for?” Iruka asked with a sudden curiosity.

“It’s been a while now - I was a child when we first met. He was still an ANBU, and I was in, well… I’m sworn to secrecy, so I can’t really say; but the organisation wasn’t any good, and Kakashi-san talked me into leaving, and I got transferred over to his ANBU team. I owe a lot to him for getting me out of there…” Tenzou said. “I wish I could do more to return the favour.”

“You already sacrificed yourself to save him – what more do you need to do?”

“I don’t know, but he’s my closest friend; and I can’t sit around doing nothing while all this is going on…”

“Maybe you will be assigned something when we reach the facility.” Iruka suggested. “Speaking of, do you mind if we pick up the pace? I’m eager to see Kakashi, and find out more about the place we’re going to.”

_And the people who run it_ , he added to himself.

\-------------------------------------------

Kakashi and his ANBU escorts had been following a hidden trail up a mountain for the past twenty minutes, and were nearly at the top of it. The base of the mountain had been grassy and open, but the higher they climbed, the more dense the trees blanketing the slope became; and Kakashi could barely see the sky through the canopy the trees had created. It felt very remote and isolated, even with the worn trail forking off ahead of him; and if he had been passing through alone, he would never have guessed that there would be buildings around here.

“Don't go any further!”

Kakashi leapt back as a kunai was thrown towards his feet; and the man who called out jumped from a nearby tree, revealing himself to be an ANBU officer with an unpainted mask – no one that Kakashi recognised.

“Only authorised personnel are allowed through. Please state your business.”

“We are here to deliver Hatake Kakashi.” Tori said, handing over an official scroll with the details. After a quick read, the man handed it back and gave them a once-over.

“Take the path to the left, and follow it until you reach a guesthouse. Boar will be there to take Hatake off your hands.”

Without another word, the mystery ANBU disappeared, and Kakashi’s group continued onto the path. When they reached the fork in the road, Kakashi glanced towards the right curiously, wondering what was in that direction; but the path disappeared into a thick pine forest, revealing nothing. The left was more open, with rays of sunlight peeking through the treetops, giving the atmosphere a retreat-like feel; and Kakashi found himself becoming even more curious as he wound along the dirt trail. He had been expecting to be holed up in some sort of prison closer to the village; not staying on a mountain in the middle of nowhere. But this was good, too – if anything went wrong, Konoha would still be safe.

The low hum of voices rang through the air just around a tight turn; and through the trees, Kakashi saw glimpses of a building - most likely the guesthouse he was supposed to be taken to. His assumption was confirmed when the building was completely visible – it was a modest guesthouse with a traditional design, much like the clan houses around the village, complete with small trees growing around its perimeter.

But although Kakashi found the design appealing, he was more interested in finding out who was speaking; and his gaze landed on three shinobi who were deep in conversation at the entrance of the guesthouse – well, the two that weren’t in ANBU uniform, at least. As Kakashi studied their familiar profiles, he soon figured out who they were; and he sighed in relief, feeling a heavy weight being lifted from his shoulders and lingering anxiety slip away. It was Iruka and Tenzou; and they had both arrived safely.

As Kakashi and his ANBU escort approached, Iruka and Tenzou suddenly stopped their conversation and turned to greet him, moving almost in unison; and Kakashi found himself intrigued with their behaviour. They seemed comfortable around each other, and had the natural chemistry of good friends rather than acquaintances; and he wondered how they formed such a strong bond in such a short amount of time. Whatever the case, he was glad to see the two of them were getting along.

“A bit late, aren’t you?” Boar commented when they stopped. “These guys arrived almost half an hour ago, and they had a mission first.”

“You know how it is – there’s always some sort of trouble along the way.” Tori said.

“Wait, you ran into trouble, too?” Iruka asked, frowning in concern.

“It sounds like you both have something to report. Let’s go inside where it’s more private.” Boar said with an air of suspicion, peering out at the tree line. “There are prying eyes out here.”

Iruka’s change of expression when he followed Boar’s gaze did not go unnoticed by Kakashi - he was studying the forest with the same kind of attentiveness of someone who was looking for something in particular, who knew more than they let on, and more than they could share; like he held an important secret...

And Kakashi was dying to know what Iruka was hiding.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My uni semester has ended! I wonder how many chapters I can get done in my break... :D
> 
> Thanks for still reading! x

Kakashi was guided into the guesthouse through to the main room; and his attention was drawn to its design. The interior reflected the outside's traditional theme; and had tatami mats covering the floor, as well as wooden sliding doors with large gridded structures separating each room. Natural light filtered through wide, open windows in the main room, focusing on a low-set dining table that matched the dark browns of the house’s frame; and the thin cream lining of the walls seemed to glow under the sun’s rays. Kakashi decided he liked the peaceful atmosphere the building created, and made a mental note to mention it to Iruka later; for some reason, remembering the conversation they’d had about sharing facts, and how Iruka had wanted to know more about him and his interests.

“Alright, who wants to go first?” Boar asked, once everyone was inside and gathered in the main room.

“I don’t have too much to report, so I’ll start.” Tori answered. “We had no enemy contact, but there was a bit of trouble with Hatake when we were about an hour away. He had some sort of episode – one minute he was walking with us, and the next, he was very pale, and barely conscious. It took some time to get the colour back in him, hence the lateness; but there have been no other incidents since. He should have a medic take a look at him, though – he's still a little out of it.”

“Right. Is that all you need to report?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’d like you to release Hatake and wait for me to finish up here. I have one last job for you before you return to the village.”

“Hai, taichou.”

While Kakashi’s restraints were being released and replaced with a chakra bracelet, Boar turned his attention to Iruka and Tenzou, who had varied expressions of concern etched into their faces.

“What did you learn on your mission?” he asked bluntly, paying no attention to their reactions to the first report.

“Ah…” Iruka fumbled, not sure where to begin.

“There was a single shinobi in the cavern, inside a powerful barrier.” Tenzou answered. “Iruka-san recognised the barrier as the Uchiha Flame Formation; but before we could identify who made it, the person inside, and their barrier disappeared. Someone else knew we were there; and we got intercepted just as we were leaving, by a shinobi with no chakra signature. He didn’t know who we were, but made it clear that he was targeting Iruka-san to get to Kakashi-san; and also claimed that he was working with an Uchiha, but never said who. Before we could get answers, he set off a smoke canister and used clones to attack while he made an escape.”

“So you ran into two enemies, and one of them was an Uchiha…” Boar mused grimly. “What did you find out about the person who attacked? Were there any distinguishable features?”

“He was hidden beneath a hooded cloak, but I got a glimpse of a white hand.” Iruka said. “Not white as in Kakashi’s skin colour, but white as in the colour of clouds. His clones were strange, too. In the smoke, they looked like they grew from the ground like trees; and when they formed, they appeared as shinobi from different lands, and each had their own chakra signature. Tenzou-san managed to defeat them all; but even after the battle, they never disappeared. I’ve never seen anything like it before…”

“Is there anything else we should know?” Boar asked. “This information is going to the Hokage.”

“Well, on the point about me being targeted… It sounded like the enemy knew about what has been happening with Kakashi.” Iruka said hesitantly. “And looking back on the mission, the entire thing felt orchestrated, like they had been expecting me in particular to be there. So if they know about these recent events, then…”

“Either the enemy has infiltrated the village, or we have a spy in our ranks.” Boar concluded, nodding in agreement.

Kakashi let out a heavy sigh, closing his eyes as he ran his hands through his hair – with all this new and complicated information being thrown at him, his head was pounding harder than ever; and all he wanted to do was rest. But as stressed and drained as he was, he had to admit he was curious about the Uchiha that Iruka and Tenzou had come across – he had a feeling there was a connection between them and what he had experienced on the way over.

“Whatever the case, we can’t do anything without the Hokage’s orders; so if there’s nothing else that needs to be reported, let’s wrap this up.” Boar said. “Umino, Hatake; this guesthouse is where you will be staying while you’re away from the village - you will find everything you need here. There will be guards posted around the area; but unlike the house arrest at Hatake’s house, there _shouldn't_ be anyone inside under normal circumstances. You are permitted to go outside, but are not to go beyond the perimeter of the tree line in your downtime – someone will collect you if it is necessary to leave the premises. That is all I’ve been told. Do you have any questions?”

“Not from the top of my head.” Iruka said.

“Well if you do come up with one, someone is visiting later to brief you on the rest, so you can ask them then. In the meantime, you’re free to do whatever you need to do to get settled in.” Boar said.

“Got it.”

“Oh, and Hatake, one last thing." he said quietly. "A word of warning…”

“Hmn?” he inquired, opening his eyes to look at the ANBU captain.

“We aren’t the only ANBU around here.”

Kakashi stared at him in confusion for a moment, wondering what he was trying to say; but he quickly connected the dots, thinking back on odd things he had noticed since arriving, and had soon figured out the message.  

“Ah, I see. Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

With his cryptic warning out of the way, Boar signalled to the ANBU escort that it was time to leave; and on his way out of the building, he turned to face Tenzou.

“You’re coming with us. I have something that I need to give you.”

“Right.” he responded, hurrying to join the ANBU group.

Boar closed the door behind him, leaving Iruka and Kakashi alone; and for a moment, they kept to themselves, silently reflecting on and processing everything that had happened. Kakashi was particularly concerned about who was after Iruka; and his thoughts drifted back to the Uchiha situation. Out of the two brothers remaining, he didn’t think any of this was Sasuke – if his goal hadn’t changed, then there was only one person he was interested in; and it wasn’t him, nor Iruka. So that left only one option. But what would Itachi’s motive be? Unless…

“Hey, are you okay?” Iruka asked, placing a hand on Kakashi's shoulder, distracting him from his thoughts. “You really don’t look too good.”

“It’s nothing major – just a headache.”

Iruka stared at him for a moment, trying to decide whether to believe him or not. Kakashi’s expression said he was telling the truth about the headache; but Iruka got the impression there was more to it than that – an ordinary headache didn’t make someone go pale and build up a cold sweat. As he maintained eye contact trying to figure it out, Kakashi's eyelids twitched and spasmed, as though all they wanted to do was close; and Iruka was sure he knew what Kakashi had left out.

“It’s from your sharingan, isn’t it?” He confirmed, frowning in concern when he saw Kakashi's split second of surprise.

“Yeah...” Kakashi admitted. “Headaches are a side effect of using it too much; and it's the only way I can see right now, so it's getting more use than usual.”

“Well, let’s go and find the bedroom.” Iruka suggested, distractedly sliding his hand down Kakashi’s arm as he looked around for hints on where to go. “Getting some rest should help.”

“Y-Yeah.” Kakashi agreed, placing a hand on his chest to try and tame the wild flutters that had suddenly sparked in his heart.

Since when had Iruka’s touch become so electric?


	29. Chapter 29

When Kakashi opened his eyes, he was surprised to see it was dark – he had only planned on resting his eyes for a little bit; but it seemed he had ended up falling asleep. He sat up in his futon, slightly confused by the unfamiliar surroundings; but as he slowly woke, his memory returned. This wasn’t his house – he was away from the village, staying in a guesthouse with Iruka; and this was his current bedroom. _Our_ bedroom, he corrected himself, spotting the second futon near his.

Kakashi thoughts drifted down a different route, of a more intimate scene of him and Iruka sharing a single bed, sleeping much closer to each other; and a content smile crept onto his face as he imagined how it would feel to be that close again, remembering how warm and comfortable he had felt having Iruka in his arms back in the holding cell.

He was so distracted by his thoughts that he almost didn’t notice the door sliding open.

“Oh, you’re awake. I was just coming in to check on you.” Iruka smiled from the entrance. “How did you sleep?”

“Pretty well – I’m more awake than I was before.” Kakashi said, stretching as he got up. “How long have I been out for?”

“A couple of hours – it’s about seven o’clock now. You fell asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow.”

“Hmn, that’s unusual for me… I must have needed the sleep.” Kakashi said, letting his mind wander. “Have we had that visitor yet? You didn’t let me sleep through anything, did you?” He asked suspiciously.

“What? No, I would have woken you if someone came by!” Iruka proclaimed against Kakashi’s accusation. “I would have thought there would have been someone here by now, though… Perhaps they’re going to turn up in the morning, instead.”

“No, there will definitely be someone tonight.” Kakashi said confidently. “I’ve worked with Boar before, and he’s a very dedicated captain – he would make sure someone turned up, even if he wasn’t instructed to. I would say the meeting has been purposely delayed so we could get some time to rest and settle in. I don’t expect we will be waiting much longer, though.”

As though listening in on their conversation, someone knocked on the door with three quick but loud raps; and Iruka glanced at Kakashi with a questioning gaze, trying to figure out if he had known there was someone approaching, or whether the timing of their guest’s arrival had been a coincidence. Kakashi’s face was void of expression, giving no indicator of the answer; and Iruka quickly shrugged it off, disappearing to answer the door.

“Coming!” he called.

Kakashi followed along down the dimly lit hallway, and leant by the door frame of the main room, curious to see who had turned up – he sensed two chakra signatures outside the door, both of people he was quite familiar with.

“Good evening, Iruka-sensei. It’s good to see you.”

“Neji-san! This is a surprise!” Iruka marvelled. “Are you the one who is supposed to be briefing us?”

“Yeah.” He said. “I also heard that Kakashi-sensei was unwell today, so I brought a medic along to check up on him. Could we come in?”

“Yes, of course. Right this way!”

Iruka moved aside, and Neji stepped in, taking his shoes off by the entrance. Following behind was an ANBU officer with a hare-shaped mask. Kakashi recognised the officer as the same medic who had been there when he had struck Tenzou; and a wave of sickness washed over him as flashbacks of the scene invaded his mind, dragging him towards darkness. Even though Tenzou had come out of it alive, that moment still haunted him – he had never felt so helpless before, and he was scared of losing control again.

“I haven’t seen you since the Chuunin Exams. Congratulations on your promotion to Jounin.” Iruka said conversationally, almost forgetting that this wasn’t a recreational visit. His voice was a bright, melodic sound that overpowered Kakashi’s dark thoughts; and Kakashi snapped back to reality, locking his fears away for later, settling into a state of contentment listening to Iruka.

“Thank you, sensei.” Neji surveyed the room until he found Kakashi, who nodded in greeting. “Shall we get started? I have quite a bit of information to relay. Kakashi-sensei seems okay at the moment, so we’ll examine him after.”

“Okay. Let’s take a seat by the table.” Iruka suggested.

Neji sat cross-legged, waiting patiently for everyone to settle; and kept a straight face, choosing to ignore Kakashi’s antics. Despite there being plenty of room, he had opted to sit so close to Iruka that their knees were touching and brushing up against each other - he really couldn’t be any more obvious than that. But Neji was not there to comment on Kakashi's actions, so he started on what he was visiting for.

“I am supposed to be second in command here, but Morino Ibiki is staying in the village; so that leadership role has fallen onto me. From what I understand, I was chosen for this role due to the nature of the mission. The main goal is to return Kakashi-sensei’s eyesight to normal, as well as figure out what caused the issues in the first place, and how they can be fixed. From what I’ve heard, there is something strange going on with his chakra; so I was appointed the leader because I’m the only one with a Byakugan, and will be able to monitor and direct what’s happening better than anyone else on the team.” Neji paused, and his eyes travelled towards the ANBU medic who had chosen to kneel nearby rather than sit informally by the table.

“There are two ANBU captains working with me to maintain the guard shifts; and we have made sure that each team has a medic, just in case. Since Kakashi-sensei has been arrested, security is strict, and we can’t allow him to roam around the grounds; but I did manage to convince the captains to extend the boundaries to outside.” Neji turned his attention directly to Iruka, immediately noticing his hand had made its way to his knee, and was resting against Kakashi’s leg. Neji resisted an eye roll – he had expected Iruka, at least, to be mature.

“It goes without saying, but your access has been restricted, too, since you’re supposed to be with Kakashi-sensei at all times, which…” Neji paused, momentarily distracted by movement in his peripheral vision; and noticed that Kakashi’s hand was creeping closer to Iruka’s, “doesn’t look like it’s going to be a problem.”

Neji shook his head and sighed when Kakashi stopped moving his hand, pretending it had been there the whole time; and looked back at Iruka, whose cheeks were tinged with pink. He could have asked the two of them to stop distracting each other; but they seemed to be paying attention to what he was saying, so decided to let it slide, as long as they didn’t push it too far.

“Anyway, I’m not exactly sure how, but your job is to keep him stable, and step in if any serious problems arise. Tsunade-sama has a lot of faith in you, and said that you would figure something out if you needed to interfere. You will also be working closely with me during the research and testing process – I will need someone I can trust to gauge Kakashi-sensei’s responses to the stimuli when I can’t.”

“Where is this testing being held?” Iruka asked, feeling his cheeks grow hot as Kakashi’s hand slipped into his. He had no idea what had gotten into Kakashi and why he was being so distracting; but he was enjoying the closeness, and had been curious about where it would lead if he encouraged it.

“I’ve been informed that we are at a research centre run by one of the ANBU divisions. This is actually an ANBU safe house you’re staying in; and there is another one nearby where the rest of us are staying, as well as the research centre itself. Needless to say, the centre is where the testing will be; and you will see it tomorrow morning when you are taken over. As for now…” Neji turned to Kakashi, “If neither of you have any questions, I’d like Hare to take a look at Kakashi-sensei; and then we’ll leave you to... enjoy your evening.”

"R-Right." Iruka blushed, hearing the implication of Neji's words.

Kakashi let go of Iruka’s hand and rose, stepping away from the table to make it easier for Hare to examine him; and he approached, starting the process wordlessly, scanning the vital points in Kakashi’s body with his jutsu, taking extra care to check for anomalies. Kakashi didn’t think he would find anything – he was feeling perfectly fine after his nap. A little cold, and hungry, but fine. Whatever happened to him earlier had to be because of his eye. When Kakashi no longer felt the gentle buzz of medical chakra hovering over his body, he looked up and saw that Hare was done.

“Right now, Hatake seems quite healthy – I can’t find anything out of the ordinary. There is a little tension around his head, but nothing major; and definitely no underlying causes for his condition today.” Hare said, stepping back. “Hatake, when was the last time you ate?”

“On the way over here, after I collapsed.”

“And before that?”

“I… don’t remember.” he answered truthfully. “A couple of days, maybe? I had something at the hospital.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t fall over sooner. Since I can't find any problems, I would say your incident was caused by low blood sugar, which probably dropped because you haven't eaten. There’s plenty of food around here, so make sure you have something to get your levels back up and regulated.”

“I will.” Kakashi said.

“Hare, is there anything else you need to check?” Neji asked.

“Not unless Hatake has anything he needs to share.”

“I don’t.” he said, deciding to keep the details of his sharingan's activity to himself for now.

“Then we should get going – there are a few things I still need to do.” Neji said.

“Thank you for coming in.” Iruka said. “What time will we be heading to the research centre tomorrow?”

“You’ll be there around nine, so be ready at least fifteen minutes earlier.”

“Got it.”

Kakashi leaned against the wall while Neji and Hare put their shoes back on; and watched on as Iruka engaged in small talk with Neji. When they were done, and Iruka closed the door behind their visitors, Kakashi pushed himself off the wall and walked over to him.

“That was fun; but now what?”

“Well, I did find a shogi set when I was looking around. After you've eaten, we could play a round, if you like?” Iruka suggested.

“Are you sure you want to play against me? I mean, I did beat Shikaku once.” Kakashi teased.

“Sure you did.”  

“It’s true!” Kakashi assured. “I’ll tell you about it while we play.”

“Okay. You’re on.” Iruka grinned.

There was no way he was going to let Kakashi win.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve had to do so much research and planning for these past couple of chapters! It took me two days of solid planning before I could finish writing the last chapter; and it took me another couple of days before I could even think about starting this one! 
> 
> Normally, I just go wherever my imagination leads and see what happens; but now that I’m a fair way through the story (how am I nearly at 50k words??!), I need to make sure I know where I’m going so I can start stringing it all together, tie up loose ends, etc. and make sure I don’t miss anything important.
> 
> Needless to say, there is some interesting stuff coming up!
> 
> Enjoy!

Iruka was practically bouncing in place by the door, eager to leave the house and get to the research centre. He’d been up since the sun first started to rise, and had gotten ready relatively quickly; and nine o’clock just couldn’t come fast enough. If it was a normal day, he’d usually be at the academy by now doing something to keep his hands busy; and not having anything to do was driving him crazy.

“You’re quiet this morning.” Iruka commented to Kakashi, who seemed to be in a trance as he slipped on his shoes.

“I usually am. I’m not a morning person.” He replied, somewhat subdued.

“Oh? I just thought you were still mad that I beat you at shogi last night.” Iruka jabbed.

“I wasn’t mad – I just couldn’t believe how erratically you were playing.” Kakashi huffed. “It’s supposed to be a strategy game, but I couldn’t tell what you were doing – your moves were all over the place!”

“Unpredictability is a strategy, too, you know.” Iruka smirked playfully, finding Kakashi’s sudden liveliness amusing. “Just look at Naruto.”

“It is not!” Kakashi protested. “Naruto is the only shinobi in all of history to make unpredictability work as a strategy! I want a rematch later... I’m going to prove that you only won by chance.”

“Alright, then. Best of three.” Iruka chuckled, running his fingers through Kakashi’s hair. He was cute when he got riled up.

When Iruka noticed that Kakashi was ready to venture outside, he opened the door and stepped into the morning sun. He was instantly hit with a crisp breeze that wafted through his clothing, biting at his skin; but the sun wrapped a protective blanket of warmth around him, keeping him from getting cold. Iruka closed his eyes and took a deep breath, enjoying the freshness of the mountain range.

“Ah, I miss this. I forgot how nice it can be to get away from the village.” He smiled, opening his eyes again as a burst of energy ran through him - there was something about the air that made him so invigorated.

Kakashi didn’t respond, and instead chose to simply watch Iruka in silence, drawn to his smile. He couldn't help but notice how Iruka glowed in the morning sun, and how he was radiating a warm, peaceful aura despite bouncing with energy; and his heart skipped a beat. Kakashi was mesmerised; and he felt like he was in the presence of a god.

“Oh, I see someone coming.” Iruka suddenly said, snapping Kakashi out of his trance.

He looked along the dirt track he had been on the day before, and spotted a silhouette emerging from the tree line. Kakashi had been able to tell, even before the sunlight hit, that the person approaching them was an ANBU officer; and from that distance, his sharingan had picked up the shape of the mask, telling him it was Inu. He was kind of surprised that one of the guards would be taking them to their destination rather than someone else; but he also half-expected it – he was a prisoner, after all, and not a guest.

“Umino, Hatake; are you ready to go?” Inu asked when he reached them.

“Yeah.” Iruka nodded. “Lead the way.”

Inu lead them along the path, the same way he had come; and when they reached the fork in the road, a patrolling ANBU officer – a woman with long, dark hair appeared. Inu fixed his hands into the tiger sign without adding chakra, and held it there, waiting for the other ANBU to respond. She wove the boar sign in her hands; and Inu switched signs to dog. When the female ANBU was satisfied, she nodded, and stepped aside to allow them to pass. Kakashi was intrigued by the interaction. He knew they had created some sort of code, but from what he remembered from his own ANBU days, it didn’t seem to be any of the standard ones; and he wondered if he would be able to figure it out. He hoped so – it would really bug him if he couldn’t.

They followed the track into a thick pine forest, still damp and cool without the sun peeking through; and the darkness created an eerie vibe that reminded Iruka of the trip to the Intelligence Division building. It had the same sort of uninviting atmosphere, and a deafening silence that seemed to be screaming warnings of danger ahead; and Iruka was beginning to feel a little on edge as he began thinking about what was in store for Kakashi, and what he was going to do about that Root organisation _-_ _if_ he could do anything... With no information about Root, he wasn’t even sure if he’d be able to figure out who was in it.

Kakashi noticed that Iruka had slowed down; and when he turned to check on him, he was surprised to see a troubled expression on Iruka’s face. He was staring at the ground, biting his lip, and frowning; and seemed to be deeply lost in thought. Kakashi wanted to know what was on his mind, but decided he wouldn’t ask - he knew that if Iruka wanted to talk about what was bothering him, he would. Plus there was also the fact that they weren’t alone. Instead, Kakashi fell into step with Iruka and reached out to grab his hand.

Iruka looked up in surprise with a curious innocence dancing across his eyes; and Kakashi smiled warmly at him and gently squeezed his hand, imitating the unspoken message of reassurance he remembered Iruka sending him the very first time he had visited. Iruka offered a small smile in response, and shifted his hand to lace his fingers between Kakashi’s, making his heart flutter wildly; and they walked hand in hand until a building came into view about five minutes later.

The building was relatively small, but open; and stood two storeys tall. It looked old and broken down on the outside, with hungry vines swallowing its walls; but Iruka could tell that the structure was sturdy, and guessed that it had intentionally been left looking abandoned so it didn’t attract any attention; not that he thought anyone would find it in the first place. As they got closer, he noticed a faded Leaf symbol carved above the door, which only made him curious about Root – were they really working for the village, or was that just a guise for something else?

They walked inside, straight into a small, brightly lit room that was set up like a lobby; and two ANBU officers approached. Kakashi recognised Kitsune, but didn’t know who the woman behind the unique bear mask was – he couldn’t recall ever seeing any masks with a scar painted on it; and remembered Boar’s warning, and wondered if she belonged to Root.

Inu stepped forward and wove the boar sign this time, holding his position until the other two ANBU responded; and after they answered the code with dog, he ended with the tiger sign, nodding to them approvingly.

“Where’s Hyuuga? It’s nine o’clock, isn’t it?” he asked.

“You’re a little early.” Kitsune answered. “He will be here soon.”

With nothing else to do but wait, Iruka took in his surroundings. There was a plain, closed door on the right of the room with a small peeking window fitted into the top, separating a dark room; and directly opposite was an open entrance leading into a warmly lit hallway. He could hear some activity coming from that direction – a quiet hum of voices, shuffling of paperwork, and the occasional footstep, reminding him of the mission room on busy days; and he wondered what the researchers were working on. As he stared off into that the direction, in his peripheral vision, he noticed the ANBU suddenly stiffen attentively; and he soon sensed Neji’s chakra signature getting stronger as he approached.

“Good morning, Neji-san!” Iruka greeted when he entered the room.

“Morning, Iruka-sensei, Kakashi-sensei.” He nodded.

“What are we doing today?” Iruka asked, ready to get started.

“We won’t not be doing too much – today is more of an induction. I’m going to give you a tour of the research centre and show you where you’ll be spending your time; and then we need to have a meeting with the research team to tell them exactly what’s going on so they know what to research and what they should test. I’ve read the reports on the incident at Kakashi-sensei’s house, and relayed it to the group; but we still need to hear his side of the story – his personal experience is essential for the research process.” Neji turned to Kakashi. “Are you prepared for that, Kakashi-sensei?”

“I, ah…” he faltered, caught off-guard.

“It’s in your best interest to share what you can. We need the information to get started with a plan on how to help you;” Neji looked away, shifting uncomfortably, “so if you can’t work with us, then someone is going to have to search your mind.”

“I guess I have no choice.” Kakashi sighed. “I’ll talk.”

“Thank you, sensei.” Neji replied gratefully, feeling the relief flow through him - he respected Kakashi, and hadn’t wanted to make him go through something so invasive. “I wouldn’t have pressed if it wasn’t necessary.”

“I understand.”

“Good. How about we get started with the tour - the quicker we can get it out of the way, the better.”

“Alright. Let's go.”


	31. Chapter 31

Iruka had found the tour of the research centre particularly interesting. The building was a lot more spacious than it appeared outside, and there seemed to be an infinite amount of equipment, for all sorts of experiments, set up in the rooms on the base floor. Besides a small break room, the entire upper floor had been fixed into a library; and Neji had explained that it held a lot of rare information that wasn’t available in the village, including a collection of research taken from some of Orochimaru’s old, abandoned hideouts. It was also one of the reasons why Kakashi was sent to this particular location.

“Do we really have to use Orochimaru’s research?” Iruka asked, pursing his lips disapprovingly, remembering Anko's story about what he had done to her. “Why do the ANBU even have his stuff in the first place? I would have thought it would be in storage with all the other forbidden documents…”

“Information is information. How you get it is not important.” The woman with the bear mask commented impassively.

“It is if innocent lives are on the line!” Iruka burst heatedly, glaring at her. She simply shrugged, having said her piece, and continued to guard in silence.

“I don’t know the details, sensei,” Neji said calmly, stepping into Iruka’s line of sight, “but there must be something important in his work if the Hokage herself wants the research team to use it. We have to trust her decisions.”

Iruka sighed heavily, and continued to follow Neji through the library. He knew he was right; but he hated the idea of using research from someone with such a high disregard for human life. And why did the ANBU even need Orochimaru’s research in the first place? Iruka frowned. No, it wasn’t ANBU – Root owned the… Iruka's blood went cold, sending icy shivers down his spine; and he froze, as realisation struck him. Root wasn’t just any organisation – they were ANBU. It was a lot to process, and with so many questions overtaking his thoughts, he was beginning to feel overwhelmed.

“You okay, Iruka?” Kakashi asked quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Not here.” Iruka answered. He would tell Kakashi everything when they were back at the house – if Boar's cryptic warning was anything to go by, Iruka had a feeling that he already knew who Root was.

“Okay.” Kakashi nodded, making a mental note to ask again later, when they were alone.

At the back of the library, two rectangular tables had been pushed together, set up for a meeting; and a small group of shinobi – Kakashi guessed around ten, had taken seats in a U formation and were chatting quietly among themselves. At the head of the table, there were three empty chairs; and Kakashi quickly realised one of them was for him, and that it was almost time for him to recount what he remembered about the incident at home.

As the leader, Neji took the seat in the centre, separating Kakashi and Iruka from each other; and as they settled, the people who had been waiting stopped talking and focussed their attention towards the front.

“Kakashi-sensei, Iruka-sensei, this is the research team. Most of the people here work in the Intelligence Division building, but there are a couple of specialists helping out, too.” Neji said.

Kakashi surveyed the group, noting that most of them were in either black, or white, wearing uniforms from their respective divisions; and he guessed that the specialists were the people in standard shinobi gear. He recognised Aoba among them, who he assumed would have been the one to delve into his mind if he had refused to talk. Aoba wasn’t a Yamanaka, but he was still particularly skilled in mind jutsu; and Kakashi had no doubt that he would have gotten past his mental barriers and succeeded in finding what he needed; and more than Kakashi wanted anyone to know.

“As you all know, this meeting is to discuss the incident that occurred at Kakashi-sensei’s house, and what happened to his sharingan. The goal by the end of the discussion, is to understand his side of the story, and add to what we already know, so we can later develop focus questions and create a research plan. You can ask questions if you need to – we need as much information as we can get.” Neji said. “I’m going to let Kakashi-sensei speak now, so please pay attention.”

Kakashi was a little nervous – he hadn’t had any time to process the incident and organise his thoughts; and now he was put on the spot, expected to talk about everything.

“I’m not really sure where to begin… A lot happened, and I don’t remember it all.” He said. “Come to think of it, I only partially remember the day before the incident, too.”

“Let’s start there.” A researcher in white suggested. “What do you remember?”

“Not much. I was… just around the house, I think.” Kakashi frowned. “Iruka visited me the evening before, but I was alone that particular day, minus the guard.”

“Did anything happen when Iruka-san visited?” she asked. Kakashi’s face fell.

“I… wasn’t in a good place, and I lashed out at him.” He admitted guiltily.

As that evening played through his mind, Kakashi felt his heart go cold and crack, as though it had turned to ice and a chisel had been hammered into it. He would never forget the look of hurt and betrayal in Iruka’s eyes after he had been pinned down on the bed; and Kakashi hated knowing that he was the reason for the pain of someone so important to him. How many times was he going to keep hurting the people he cared about?

“So there was an incident because of your mental health.” the researcher confirmed.

“Yes.”

“Did you notice your mental state get any worse after that?”

“With all due respect, what has that got to do with anything?” Kakashi glowered. What went on in his head was his business; and he didn’t want to discuss it in front of a bunch of people he didn’t know, or anyone, for that matter.

“Well, the Uchiha have been known to get their sharingan under extreme emotional conditions, as I’m sure you are aware; and I’ve even read about a sharingan transformation that can only be gained through traumatic experience.” the researcher answered. “Have you considered the possibility that mental stability plays a role in your ability to keep yourself, and your sharingan under control?”

“I can’t see mental health being the problem.” A man spoke up. “I think someone’s jutsu has affected him – there’s two different strains of chakra in his system. How does mental health explain that?”

“Haven’t you read the report? It says that other chakra is coming from his sharingan; and we all know he’s been under a lot of mental stress lately. There’s a clear connection.” the woman debated.

Other researchers began distractedly discussing Kakashi amongst themselves, and Neji soon became irritated at how quickly the meeting had gone off-track. He rose from his seat and slammed a fist into the table to get everyone's attention; and the room fell silent almost immediately. When all eyes were on him, he spoke.

“You are not here for a debate; you are here to listen. Please keep your opinions to yourself for now, and let Kakashi-sensei speak.” He scolded. Neji returned to his seat and turned to Kakashi. “Go on, sensei.” Kakashi swallowed, and took a deep breath.

“I’ll answer that question about my mental state as best as I can.” He said uncertainly.

His heart was pounding fast, and his thoughts were racing as anxiety and adrenaline ran through his veins. He didn’t want to share anything – every instinct he had was telling him not to; but what that researcher said had made sense, and had convinced him that there was a possibility his emotions could be a contributing factor. Kakashi didn’t want anyone else to end up how Tenzou did because of him not having any control; so he ignored his discomfort, and said what he had to, hoping it would help.

“I’m sure you know about my history – well, of recent events, at least. I wanted to take my life well before then; but I waited, because I thought that maybe there was still another way to get out of the darkness. But the longer I waited, the clearer it became that there was no reason to hold off – there was no hope for me; and i-it hurt too much to keep waiting for, well, nothing. The pain was only getting worse, and I couldn’t do anything about it; so I gave up. I-I wanted to be free of… everything; and ending my life was the only way to do it, to escape the darkness.” Kakashi paused, feeling the weight of his words sink into him. He wanted to stop talking, feeling like he had said too much already; but he knew it was something he had to get out, so he forced himself to continue.

“Since then, I’ve been… overwhelmed. Being under house arrest didn’t do anything to get me out of my head; and when you’ve got plenty of time to think, well… It doesn’t help. I was grateful when Iruka started visiting me - his company made the days bearable, and I felt like I could breathe; but when he was gone, everything was still there - the pain, the flashbacks, the darkness. I couldn’t make any of it go away.” Kakashi said absently. He drew his gaze up from the table, and glanced at the woman who had asked the question.

“I don’t think I was coping very well that day I spent alone – I was agitated and restless, from what I remember. I had assumed Iruka was going to visit again, since we ended the previous night on good terms, and he had been seeing me consistently each day; and when he didn’t turn up, well…” Kakashi looked down at his hands, crestfallen, and began fiddling with his fingers. “Let’s just say I’ve had better days.”

Iruka’s heart ached for Kakashi. He hadn’t known he’d been hurting this much, for so long; and all he wanted to do was hold him in his arms and make his pain go away. Kakashi’s voice reflected the same loneliness as his after his parents had died, and his expression shared the same type of sadness, strewn with an even deeper underlayer; and Iruka knew that there was so much more Kakashi hadn’t said, even though he had said so much already.

“Kakashi-san, I couldn’t help but notice that you started speaking about your mental state in past tense.” A different researcher said. “Has something changed?”

Kakashi thought about it for a moment. Not a lot had changed since he tried to commit suicide. He was still deep in the darkness, and he was still hurting – he still felt like a failure, like a monster; and after everything that had happened, he still believed he didn’t deserve to live. But there was one difference between then and now.

“Yeah…” He eventually answered. A small smile played on his lips as his gaze landed on Iruka.

"I'm not alone anymore."


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so late...
> 
> I was hoping to get it done by the end of last week after I posted my new fic, “Under the Sakura Tree”; but a lot of horrific, intense, shocking stuff happened over the weekend and beyond, and I’ve been stuck in the middle of it all. Despite not being in the best place atm, though, I’m glad I was caught up in the initial incident (dog attack) – because of my involvement, no lives were lost; and that’s all that matters. 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for being patient with me again – I’m pretty good at dealing with trauma, so I should be back into routine, soon. Hope you enjoy the chapter!

An awkward silence filled the air after Kakashi had finished speaking about his mental state; and he buried his head in his hands as a million thoughts raced through his mind. Had he really just told all those people something so private? He was beginning to have regrets, and felt vulnerable and embarrassed, like he had seriously overshared; and he didn’t want to be anywhere near the researchers, or the research centre, for that matter. He wanted to disappear, and wished he could slip away without anyone noticing; but he was currently the centre of attention, and escaping really wasn’t an option. Kakashi peeked through the gap in his fingers at his audience, and sighed, clearing his head from intrusive thoughts; and straightened up, repeating his mantra to think of this as a mission report instead of something personal.

“There is a reason I agreed to answer that question about my mental state.” He began. “During my time under house arrest, on the particularly bad days, I felt like I was battling my mind. I was just trying to block everything out, because I didn’t want to deal with anything; but there came a point where I seemed to be fighting for my willpower, too. I can’t say why that is, but I do remember that during the incident, I felt like I was completely under my sharingan’s control.”

“Eh?! Could someone be controlling your sharingan with a jutsu, then?”

“What? That’s impossible!”

“Maybe it’s a chakra manipulation technique…”

“But he was guarded by ANBU – surely they’d know if someone was using a jutsu!”

“I don’t think a jutsu was the cause for that.” Kakashi interrupted, shaking his head. “I can’t explain it, but I’m sure my sharingan was acting of its own accord - definitely something emotion-based. When I was under its control, the sharingan heightened my emotions, and then tried to manipulate how I was feeling; and when I tried to resist, I felt an overwhelming surge of anger take over me. And that’s when the pain and everything else came.”

“Kakashi-san, I heard that you had no memory of the incident, and only became aware of yourself and your surroundings after Iruka-san interfered; so how do you know this? Did you get your memory back?”

“Not exactly.” He said hesitantly. “Everything my sharingan sees can become projected onto me while I’m sleeping, like a dream, except the story is something that has actually happened, a memory of what the sharingan has captured; and while I was out in the hospital, I saw everything. I re-experienced what happened, how I felt, and the pain I went through; but not what I was thinking.”

“Fascinating…” a lady in a white coat said, her eyes sparkling with curiosity. “What did you feel, physically? And did the pain hurt like it was actually happening, or was it like a normal dream where you just know that it hurt?”

“I felt it all, like being caught in a genjutsu, except there’s no escape.” Kakashi said. “My head felt like it was on fire, and the pain only kept on getting worse, spreading across my entire body; and as it spread, an intense pressure built up in my chest. It was physically crushing me, like something had stored itself there and just kept on growing; then suddenly it released, and all that chakra came out.”

“Did the chakra feel like it was yours?”

“Huh? It came out of my body, so…” Kakashi explained uncertainly, very confused by the question.

“But did it feel like yours? I’m just asking because your medical records say you weren’t low after the incident, despite using so much chakra; and I’m wondering if maybe that has something to do with the two different flows in your body.”

“Oh. Ah, I don’t recall. I just assumed it was, considering that was definitely my lightning...”

“Have you ever made that jutsu without hand signals before?”

“No. That's not supposed to be possible to do, so I don’t know how it happened; but I do know that once the chidori came, it just kept on getting stronger, and there was no stopping it.” Kakashi’s head fell. “I didn’t want to hurt anyone with it, and tried to use it on myself, but that really backfired… Everything went wrong again, and I… Well…” Kakashi trailed off, picturing Tenzou’s lifeless body.

He hated himself so much for what he did to Tenzou. Regardless of the circumstances or the outcome, Kakashi still felt sick to the gut knowing he had driven a fatal blow into yet another friend. His actions were unforgivable – he should have been prepared for anything. Kakashi had thought he was a better shinobi now than he had been in his original team; but he really hadn’t changed at all… And he really despised himself for that.

“Is there anything else you need to tell the team, sensei?” Neji asked, distracting Kakashi from his thoughts.

“I don’t think so. Not unless there are any more questions.”

Kakashi felt awkward waiting in the silence that followed. Some of the researchers looked spaced out, like they were trying to process what had been discussed; and others seemed impatient and eager, like they had already figured out exactly what was happening and were ready to get started on the project.

“Well, since no one has spoken up, I’m going to wrap up this meeting, and send you on your way. Take some time to think about everything, and prepare yourselves for the discussion on the research plan.” Neji said. “You are all dismissed. Kakashi-sensei, Iruka-sensei, please stay behind for a moment.”

The research group had barely left their seats before they started discussing Kakashi’s condition amongst themselves – they seemed excited to have something unusual to study; and Kakashi wondered just what they would have planned for him later. When the room was empty besides the three of them and the ANBU guards, Neji spoke again.

“Thank you for sharing all of that – it will really help speed up the research process. You probably won’t be asked to come in for another couple of days while everything gets finalised; so use that time to do whatever you need to do to prepare yourself for what’s coming next.” He said. “Is there anything you need before you head back to the guesthouse?”

“No, thank you, Neji-san.” Iruka answered.

“Well, I’ll walk you out, then.” He said, rising from his seat.

On the way back to the guesthouse, Iruka couldn’t help but notice how lethargic and spaced out Kakashi seemed to be, like that meeting had completely sapped his energy away. Iruka had a feeling that a lot of that was from mental exhaustion – Kakashi had probably never shared so much about himself in his entire life, not to mention he had been talking about things that he clearly hadn’t wanted to think about, let alone to say; and it had clearly taken its toll on him. Iruka was glad he’d have a couple of days to recover.

Once they returned, Iruka had slipped out of his shoes in the time Kakashi had only done one; and he walked off to the bedroom to put his flak jacket and weapon pouches away. He didn’t think it was necessary to wear them around the house – if there were enemies, the ANBU would deal with them first; and if there was a problem inside, Iruka certainly wasn’t going to use weapons against Kakashi. The only tool he’d use, and wanted to keep on him at all times, was the chakra pen he’d been issued – it would be the only thing that would help in an emergency.

When Iruka returned from the bedroom, he was surprised to see that Kakashi’s guard had dropped enough for his expressions and thoughts to be read. He was standing in the main room, looking a little lost, like he needed something, but wasn’t exactly sure what it was; and there was a heaviness in his eyes that reflected the weight of his troubles. Kakashi looked like he needed to unwind; and Iruka made his way over to him, wrapping his arms around his neck, resting them on his shoulders.

Kakashi melted into Iruka, snaking his arms around his waist; and closed his eyes as he pressed his forehead against Iruka’s. He let out a deep sigh as the day’s stresses instantly washed away, and allowed himself to enjoy the physical contact. This was what he needed – to be close to Iruka, to have him in his arms; and he wanted to stay like this forever. Iruka made him feel warm, and comfortable… And safe. It was the kind of feeling that reminded Kakashi of what returning to a proper home was like - something he hadn’t felt since his father was alive; and his body seemed to ache for more, as though it suddenly realised he had been deprived for so long; so he didn't move for a while.

“Iruka…” he suddenly murmured.

“Mm?” Iruka hummed, studying him curiously as he pulled his head away.

Kakashi stared into Iruka’s eyes as one of his hands let go of his waist - there was something he wanted to do. His heart was pounding fast, but he wasn’t as nervous as he was expecting to be; in fact, the more he thought about his decision, the more right it seemed, and the more eager he was to go through with it. But this wasn’t something that could be rushed – he didn't want to rush anything with Iruka; he had to time it right.

Kakashi brought a hand up to his chest, and took a deep breath; then with butterflies fluttering beneath his skin, he raised his hand higher, up to his face, and pulled his mask away. He felt naked and vulnerable with his face exposed; but he trusted Iruka, and wanted him to be able to see every part of him – he was ready to take that next step. But there was also another reason he took off his mask.

“Iruka, I… I want to kiss you.”

Iruka’s heart skipped a beat, and he felt his cheeks grow hot. Had he heard that right? He gazed into Kakashi’s eyes, and was transfixed to the expression he saw. Kakashi looked completely spellbound, with eyes only for him, like nothing else existed; and Iruka swooned – he had never wanted someone so much before. And Kakashi seemed to know.

Kakashi reached out and placed his hand beneath Iruka’s chin, gently tilting his face with his fingers; and slowly leaned in, closing the distance between them. When he felt Iruka’s lips against his, Kakashi pressed into them softly and carefully; feeling a wave of ecstasy wash and take over him. Iruka’s fingers curled into the back of his shirt as he kissed back, parting his lips to allow Kakashi in; and Kakashi wanted more.

He kissed Iruka again and again, feeling shockwaves of electricity shooting through his body; and gave in to the urgency he felt as Iruka pressed tighter against him. Kakashi was addicted, and needed Iruka more than air; and as his body ached with desire, his mind shut off and all rationality disappeared. He staggered into Iruka, pushing him backwards as he fought for more of him; and as they locked tongues, Iruka’s hands slid down to his chest, gripping him tightly, sending shivers down his spine.                

Iruka could feel the longing, the intensity, and desperation in everything Kakashi did, like he was trying to give him every kiss he’d ever saved all at once, like he was releasing everything inside of him, like he wanted to give as much as he received; and Kakashi’s crazed touch was doing so much to him. He was guided back further until he was pinned against the wall; and Kakashi slid his hands along his body, creeping lower and lower, as he got caught up in the moment.

“Kakashi,” he gasped. “Do you really want to do this?”

Kakashi slowed to a stop, resting his hands on Iruka's hips as he considered the question. He had been seeking the familiarity and comfort of home after feeling the sensation for the first time in years; but after the first kiss, he ended up straying off elsewhere in his frenzy, chasing after something else that only Iruka could provide. But although he liked the track he had been lead to and wanted to explore it further, it wasn't his priority. Kakashi slid his hands back up to Iruka's waist, and looked away as he felt a blush burn into his cheeks.

“I think I just… want to be close to you.” He mumbled, somewhat embarrassed. “Is that okay?”

“Of course it is.” Iruka said softly, pecking his cheek.

Kakashi was definitely worth the wait.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m participating in the kakairu fest mini bingo, so I may not end up updating chapters as quickly as usual – I have a lot of ideas, and want to get as many prompts done as possible. You can expect some new, and maaaybe lengthy fics coming soon! :D
> 
> Also, fair warning, things get kinda smutty in this chapter o.O

Iruka felt like he was in a daydream. It had been nearly two days since Kakashi first kissed him; and every moment had been full of surprises. He’d been showered in kisses all throughout the day ‘just because’, and there were times where Kakashi just became really affectionate out of nowhere. It was like that first kiss had opened a window into his heart, and his feelings were leaking out. Iruka found it adorable, and he loved that Kakashi wanted to spend most of his time with him, even just for mundane tasks like cleaning, and getting dinner ready.

“Iruka, you’re going to make the soup stick if you’re not careful.” Kakashi murmured from behind, wrapping his arms around his waist. “You haven’t stirred it in a while.”

“Oh, right. Thanks.” He flushed. As he stirred the miso around, Kakashi pressed his body against him, and rested his head on his shoulder.

“You were distracted. What were you thinking about?” He whispered in his ear, sending shivers down his spine. Kakashi’s voice had never sounded so sexy before.

“Well, it wasn't the cooking... But still something tasty - an indulgence, of sorts.” he flirted, lightly pressing his ass against Kakashi.

“Oh?” he questioned, kissing his neck.

Iruka instinctively tilted his head to the side while he tried to pay attention to the soup; and Kakashi started working his way along his neck, sucking, licking, and gently biting his skin. His hands slid from Iruka’s waist down to his hips, and slowly back up again beneath his shirt, caressing his skin; and Iruka bit his lip, fighting back a gasp - Kakashi’s touch was seriously arousing him.

Kakashi felt Iruka press into him again, right up against his sensitive crotch; and his breath hitched as a wave of pleasure shot through him. He had been trying to go steady as he got used to simply being with Iruka; but it was becoming impossible – he hadn’t counted on Iruka being able to turn him on so easily. Or Iruka being so receptive to everything he did.

“You’ve been so patient with me.” He murmured, sliding his arms back down Iruka’s body. “Let me give you something.”

Iruka turned his head towards him, and was met with a deep, wet kiss on the lips while Kakashi continued to fondle him; and when he reached the waistline of his pants, he unclasped them, and slid a hand down, feeling his hardening erection. Iruka let out a gasp, dropping the spoon he’d been holding; and Kakashi started massaging him over his briefs, wanting to touch everything beneath.

“Kakashi, the food…” Iruka said half-heartedly.

“Should I stop, then?” he asked, sliding his hand beneath his underwear.

“Haa, n-no…” he panted, gripping the edge of the bench. “Keep going.”

Kakashi loved the way Iruka was responding to everything he did. He loved how his body shivered every time a new sensation rippled through him, how the noises he made were desperate like it wasn’t desire anymore, but pure need; and he loved how Iruka was reacting this way, losing control, all because of him.

“Kakashi…” Iruka breathed as intense pleasure hit him.

His erection was free from his clothes, slick with pre-cum; and Kakashi was working nice, steady rhythm along it with one hand, while his other crept along his torso. Kakashi was rock hard against him, and Iruka couldn’t help but grind along him as he succumbed to the ecstasy that was building up in his body.

Kakashi’s breathing became heavier as he worked on Iruka; and he gripped him tighter with his free hand, keeping him pressed up against him. Iruka started squirming and panting as his build up became more intense; and Kakashi’s movements became more feverish and rougher as he tried to match Iruka’s heat. He kissed the crook of Iruka's neck again, harsh and frantic; and dug the pads of his fingers into his chest as Iruka became even more desperate for his touch.

“K-Kakashi, I’m going to -!”

"Cum." he hummed huskily.

“Ah!” Iruka gasped loudly, shuddering into Kakashi as the orgasm hit him with an explosion of intoxicating euphoria.

Kakashi continued to stroke Iruka until he had completely unloaded and rode his pleasure out; and sucked away the cum on his fingers when he was done. Iruka quickly redressed himself when Kakashi released him, then turned around to pull him into a long, sensual kiss; and when he finally pulled away, he looked up at his unmasked face, and gazed into his eyes.

“So, tell me; what brought on all... that?” he asked, resting his hands on his chest.

“I don’t know,” Kakashi said shyly, feeling his cheeks heat up, “I just… wanted to do something for you, I guess.”

“Well, you really know what you're doing." Iruka murmured. “But next time, it's my turn..." 

"I want to taste you, too.”

\---------------------------------------

“Tsunade-sama, Ibiki-san is here to see you.”

“I’ve been expecting him. Let him in.”

Shizune opened the door to the Hokage’s office, and Ibiki stalked in, stopping only when he was a couple of paces away from Tsunade’s desk. He reached into the pocket of his trench coat, and pulled out a neatly rolled scroll, sealed with the Hyuuga emblem.

“We have received correspondence from the facility. I haven't read the contents of the scroll, but I suspect some of the information the returning ANBU have shared with me will be on it.”

“And what information might that be?”

“Someone is after Hatake; and they want to use Umino to get to him. This was discovered in Umino’s mission on the way over. He and Tenzou encountered two enemies; and one of them was an Uchiha.”

“Haah? Are you sure? Why would either of them be targeting Kakashi?”

“My guess is the Akatsuki is using Itachi to get him.” Ibiki suggested, placing the scroll he'd grabbed in front of Tsunade. “Or perhaps, considering his history, there's a personal vendetta. I can't see it being his younger brother...”

“Hmm… I’ll have to read this scroll and see if Neji has provided any more information.” Tsunade mused. “Is there anything else you need to discuss?”

“Just one other thing." he said. "Boar has sent in a request for Tenzou to stay at the facility. He says his skills are needed for an investigation nearby.”

“Oh? Did you grant his request?”

“I’ve been hesitant.”

“You, hesitant? Why’s that?”

“Because he doesn’t want anyone else to know Tenzou is there.”

“Now, that’s interesting… It sounds like he either doesn’t trust someone, or he’s up to something.”

“I’m concerned about the latter.”

“Well, Boar has a clean record, as far as I know; and he's a good captain… Let him have Tenzou.” Tsunade decided. “I want to know what he’s up to.”

"As do I."


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while since my last update! I've been multitasking and working on other fics; some of which you may have already seen me post, and others that are coming soon. So keep an eye out for those! 
> 
> And in the meantime...
> 
> Enjoy this update!

“Iruka, the tea’s ready. Where do you want yours?”

Kakashi’s question was answered with silence; and he looked up from the mugs he was balancing in his hands to find Iruka leaning against the doorway, staring off into space with a troubled expression etched into his face.

“Iruka?” Kakashi tried again, a bit louder than before.

“Huh? Sorry, what?” he asked in confusion, suddenly snapping back to reality.

“I’ve got tea.”

“Oh, thank you.” Iruka said absently.

He didn’t move to take his mug, so Kakashi placed both of them on the table and came back to him.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked, wrapping his arms around Iruka.

“Just…” he sighed. “It’s been three days now, and we haven’t heard from Neji-san. I’m worried about what is being planned…”

“No one will do anything to hurt me. Neji-san is in charge; and I know that he’s got good character, so he’s not going to let anyone cause any unnecessary harm.” Kakashi reassured, gently kissing his forehead.

“What if there are people working behind his back? What if they were on a secret mission, or something, to interfere or do something to you?”

Kakashi stiffened. Iruka trusted his comrades wholeheartedly, and would never question their motives, nor would he seem so paranoid unless he had a reason to be suspicious. Was he concerned about Boar’s warning when they first arrived? He seemed particularly serious then, too; and the other day he was really bothered by something in the research centre’s library. Did all of this tie together somehow?

“You’re not asking hypothetically, are you?” Kakashi confirmed, sliding his hands to rest on Iruka’s shoulders. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Well… What do you know about the organisation, Root?” he asked. Kakashi stared dumbly at him.

“Uh, what?” Did he just hear what he thought he did?

“Root. I’m sure you know who they are – they’re the other ANBU that Boar warned you about, right?” Iruka said. “What do you know about them?”

“How do you know that?” Kakashi asked seriously, studying his deeply concerned gaze carefully. “Root is so highly classified that not even all the ANBU know about them; and those who were in it and left are sworn to secrecy. You shouldn’t know who they are.”

“It doesn’t matter how I know about them. What I’m worried about is what they might do to you – they were after your sharingan before, they might try and get it again.”

“Seriously, Iruka, what did you do to get this information? The only people who should know about that are the people involved, and the Third. I don’t think even Tsunade-sama knows.”

“Don’t worry, I haven’t done anything incriminating. The information was passed down to me. _Anonymously_.”

Kakashi let out a heavy sigh. He knew that tone. It meant he wasn’t going to say anything else, end of discussion; and Kakashi knew that no matter how much he pressed, Iruka would never give up the person’s name. He wouldn’t, if he was protecting someone important to him.

“Okay, then. Let’s take a seat and get to our tea before it goes cold. You can tell me what you already know about Root, and I’ll tell you more about them.” He suggested. “I’d might as well – it could be useful. Especially if no one else is aware that you know.”

Once they were seated at the table, Iruka took a sip of tea as he prepared himself for the conversation ahead; and Kakashi waited patiently, thinking about what he was going to tell him. He wasn’t supposed to say anything, and could get into a lot of trouble for doing so; but he trusted Iruka completely, and felt like he should know. He could be right, too, about Root taking advantage of the situation to go after his sharingan again; and he'd rather Iruka be more aware about the people he can't necessarily trust.          

“Well, before arriving here, I learnt that Root owns this whole place, and that some of their members were going to be around. There was also no information about them whatsoever, besides the fact that they once tried to steal your sharingan. I figured out that they were ANBU on my own; except with all the ANBU looking the same in their cloaks and masks, I can’t tell them apart.”

“Impressive.” Kakashi commented, amazed he'd found out as much as he had.

“I take it they’re not very good people? Considering the warning Boar gave you, and targeting you in the past…”

“It’s not so much the people who aren’t –” Kakashi stopped himself as he considered what he was saying. “Well, kind of; but it’s not their fault. They've been brainwashed; and those who have been in Root since the beginning go through very harsh training designed to make them completely devoid of emotion, and I guess personality, so that they can be used as tools that aren't restrained by their mentalities and human nature.”

“What? That’s horrible!” Iruka exclaimed.

“It is what it is…”

“That woman with the bear mask - the one who made those comments in the library… Was she Root?”

“I think so. I don’t recognise her from my ANBU days.”

“Is there any way to tell the difference between ANBU and Root?”

“The easiest identifier is underneath the cloaks. ANBU have the black ops uniform you see around the village; and Root’s uniform is more personalised, besides a short sleeved black jacket with red straps over the shoulder that everyone wears. If you can’t see what’s underneath the cloak, the ANBU’s personality can be a pretty good indicator; as well as already knowing which masks belong to which division.”

“Right…” Iruka said thoughtfully as he took another sip of tea. “Do you think they’re going to come after you again while you’re here?”

“I wouldn’t put it past them – the leader of Root is very opportunistic.” Kakashi said. “But Boar is here, and I have no doubt he and the other ANBU will be keeping an eye on them. There is probably someone monitoring them as we speak. We should still be careful; but I don’t think Root will have a chance to do anything.”

“You really have a lot of faith in Boar and the other ANBU, don’t you?”

“Well, I’ve worked with them before, and I know what they’re like. If anyone can figure out if Root is planning something and can intervene before their plans go ahead, it's them. Boar is a good captain who knows how to use his resources well; and the rest of the ANBU are just as skilled as the people in Root.”

“Thanks… I feel a little better now.”

“I’m glad. Worrying won’t do you any good.” Kakashi said, reaching out to place his hand on Iruka’s.

Iruka let Kakashi trace patterns along his hand while he reflected on the conversation. Despite Kakashi's confidence and reassurance in ANBU's abilities, Iruka couldn’t help but think that the people in Root were still a threat. They had no emotions, no personalities, no life; and even he understood that if the only thing these people knew was to live for the mission, they wouldn’t give up until it was complete, even if it meant sacrifice - they were shinobi, after all; and that could be dangerous. He had to make sure he was prepared for anything if he wanted to help protect Kakashi; and that meant doing his own investigating.

Yes, he was going to set himself a mission to make sure no one targeting Kakashi could get to him.

And he was going to succeed, no matter what.


End file.
